Takes

Todd Gurley lacks commitment to his potential pet cats

He's been engaged to getting a cat for way too long. People are starting to ask questions, Todd. They're saying, is this wedding ever going to happen? Lack of commitment from Todd Gurley.

I will not view the Lakers with Anthony Davis as a real team

I'm going to say something right now. It's bullshit, and I will not let it stand... I will not view the Los Angeles Lakers with Anthony Davis as a real team. Asterix on all of it.

Musical artists like Bon Jovi should only play the hits and not new stuff

John [Bon Jovi]'s like, what do you think of the new stuff? And I'm like, what new stuff? ... I tell people this all the time. Play the hits. Give the people what they want. You get on a treadmill. I don't want to listen to new stuff.

Everyone must watch the Super Bowl

You can't not watch the Super Bowl. Like, you can't... In two weeks' time, you're going to want that football back. Don't take it for granted.

Taysom Hill should be a permanent Pro Bowl fixture because he plays with maximal effort

They should have sent Taysom Hill to the Pro Bowl because he would have just gone balls out the entire time. There always needs to be like one asshole trying way, way, way too hard.

Jeff Fisher would fight a black bear in self-defense and expects to survive

If an attack is imminent and it's a big bear, a black bear, you're going to defend yourself. ... I would defend myself and hope it would stop biting me.

Steve Wilks was treated unfairly by the Cardinals and should have been given more than one season

I think it is the fact that a lot of it... I don't like seeing is what happened in Arizona. Because Coach [Steve] Wilks is a good person. And he's a good man. And he needs to be given more opportunity than what he got. One year. Especially when you go into a roster like that.

Early morning NFL meetings are counterproductive for millennial players who don't sleep

Today's guys don't sleep. And so if you're a young head coach and you're listening to this program, don't start your meetings at six. Start your meetings at nine. ... After having breakfast, you get them up six and get breakfast seven, they're done.

Jon Gruden uses helmet stickers at the Senior Bowl because he can't remember players' names

Jon Gruden clearly is doing this because he can't remember anyone so he's like... just marking everyone with a Raider tag because he was not going to remember who he liked or not.

The Rams were the equal to or better than the Saints in the NFC Championship

I feel like the better team won... maybe it's not better team won, but they couldn't have been more equal in my mind. So I'm not feeling like it was this huge travesty and one team that really didn't deserve to get there got there.

Carson Wentz is the greatest person character-wise to walk the earth

Carson Wentz is like the greatest person character-wise to walk the earth, bro... I limit my time around Carson Wentz because he makes me feel bad about myself. He makes me feel bad about myself by being awesome.

Alshon Jeffery is the best receiver I have ever played with

In my opinion, [Alshon Jeffery] is the best receiver I've played with. I mean, he is automatic... when I say Alshon is the best receiver, I'm talking about number one, go up and get it, you throw him the ball, he just picks on people.

Max Kellerman could beat Derek Carr in a fight

I might take Max Kellerman in a fight against Derek Carr. I would. He talks about boxing a lot. If you talk about fighting a lot, I assume that you can at least handle yourself a little bit just by osmosis.

Mars is officially canceled

I'm over Mars. You know what? Mars is canceled. I'm canceling Mars. I'm so sick of Mars. There's not water there. I'm done with Mars. Don't talk to me about Mars.

The NFL should host the Super Bowl in Miami, New Orleans, or Vegas every single year

You'll also get one or two people saying the Super Bowl should be in Miami or New Orleans every year. Which I agree. Every year. I actually agree with that. 100% agree.

Drew Lock is an alpha male because he gave a reporter double finger guns and a wink

Drew Lock also had the most masculine moment of all time during his press conference today... Reporters were asking him questions. They started asking him how important it is to get his lower body into his throws. And in the middle of the question, he gave him the double finger guns and the wink... This dude is an alpha.

The Netflix Fyre Fest documentary is more entertaining than the Hulu version

The Hulu one has the advantage because the whole mastermind of the Fyre Festival, Billy McFarland, is in it... I find the Netflix one, though, more entertaining. I think it's because it may have been the footage or the editing which really tells you something because they don't even have the guy in it.

Caitlin and Hannah B from The Bachelor are manipulative liars

The beef between two former pageant girls. Caitlin and Hannah B. heated up as they accused each other of being manipulative liars. So this was, you know, they had the one-on-one dates and they were spending the time on their one-on-one dates talking shit about the other girl.

You should run away from anyone who describes themselves as 'normal'

After, she [Caitlin] said she's pretty normal, lives a pretty normal life, and likes to hang out with her friends. That's what you say when you're not normal, by the way... Anyone, if you ask them, like, what are you like? If they reply normal, run the opposite direction.

Andy Reid's clock management in overtime was baffling and classic Andy Reid

I still don't understand Andy Reid, and I don't want to blame, you know, do the timeout thing, but you have three timeouts in overtime that can't end in a tie... And he let his defense just die out there without calling one timeout, whether it be at a third and ten, whether it be when the Patriots get to the goal line. It was baffling to see... That happened. I guess it wasn't really baffling because that's Andy Reid.

Any play the Saints run without Drew Brees under center is a disservice to the team

Anytime you snap the football without Drew Brees under center you're doing your team a disservice. I get it, there's some fun things you can do with Taysom Hill... But, like, it was seriously every fifth or sixth play, like, oh, we haven't had Taysom Hill. Let's get him in there. What are you doing? Just play the Rams straight up, and you'd probably win that game.

Soulja Boy had the biggest comeback in the rap industry in 2018

My who's back of the week is... Big Draco, Soulja Boy... he claimed he had the biggest comeback in 2018, which he probably did. He's got a video game console... First rapper with a console. Huge difference. He's back. He's going to have a huge 2019.

Modern NBA players are too friendly because they all grew up together in AAU and camps

Back in my day, like, everybody was mean, dude... I think that times evolve times change... if I was playing in those last five years, I can look and see that there were 30 guys who've been to my camp that are in the NBA. They were little kids in my camp. So why wouldn't we be friends, right? ... we didn't grow up on the same AAU team in people's basketball camp.

UCLA should hire a young coach who cares about the school rather than Rick Pitino

I think for UCLA it's actually a golden opportunity for them to be smart like the Rams, right? Go get a young dude who cares... who wants to be there for a long time... [Big Cat]: Rick Pitino? [Baron Davis]: No... If you want hookers in the locker room, this is L.A. Imagine what he was doing in Louisville... We don't need Rick Pitino, man.

The best way to manage LeBron James is to challenge him to set picks and focus on team-oriented tasks

You have to challenge LeBron, right? ... finding little things in the game that could be challenging to LeBron that would ultimately dictate a better outcome... Can you set five incredible picks to get somebody open? Can you set a backdoor screen? Things off the ball that allows his teammates to like – so he's in the play but not in the play but still affecting the play.

The missed pass interference call against the Saints was retribution for Bounty Gate

Was that no call in the Saints game, retribution finally for Bounty Gate? [PFT]: I think we can say with confidence, absolutely.

Kyrie Irving loses his man card for apologizing to LeBron James

Taking [Kyrie Irving's] man card because he apologized. He apologized to LeBron... and then he also told the press all about it and made sure that it was a big deal about how he called and apologized.

Naming an airport after someone is actually a terrible honor

The fact that the greatest honor is to be named after an airport sucks... Because everybody hates going there. It's the worst place to go to. And you're like, oh, great. This airport's named after you? Awesome. This sucks.

Clemson being served fast food at the White House is awesome.

I just saw the plates full of Big Macs and Wendy's and pizza. I was like, this is fucking awesome. It looked like essentially being back in college and getting super high and being like, let's just order all the fast food. I'm fully in favor of this move.

A cold Filet-O-Fish is one of the most unappetizing things on Earth.

I can't think of too many things less appetizing than like a cold filet of fish. Yeah, excuse me, McFish. Don't put the filet of fish out there. That's a big time mistake.

The phrase 'mo' money, mo' problems' is dumb; more money actually solves problems.

Mo' money, mo' problems was the dumbest saying ever. I feel like if you have more money, you have less problems. Just as a general rule. Money does solve some problems. Like if you're hungry... You get a chef. Or you get McDonald's.

Always buy an extra small fry to eat in the car so you don't dip into your large fry.

Pro tip for everyone out there... if you go to McDonald's, if you go to a drive-thru, the key is to get a large fry and then get a medium or small fry for just the car. Because you don't want to dip into your large fry when you get home.

Fame is the least appealing part of being an actor.

Still the fame is the least appealing part of it for me. I really like coming to this city [New York] because paradoxically it's a really crowded city but you can kind of be more anonymous here.

Kyrie Irving is pulling a 'LeBron' by publicly blaming his young teammates.

Kyrie has been very outspoken, saying that the young guys need to pick it up. They don't have what it takes to be a championship team as of now. He's pulling a LeBron on them when LeBron was the one he hated. It's like when you grow up to be your father.

Philip Rivers is officially a choker in the playoffs

I love him, but he's a choker... 12-4, they looked good. I don't know. I don't know what to make of it. I feel sad. I'm sad for Phil Rivers, and he has eight children to go home to.

Patrick Mahomes points too much for first downs

My other thing I noticed about Patrick Mahomes... he points too much. He points too much for first downs.

The front of Patrick Mahomes' helmet is way too big

The front of his helmet, that big white space, it's way too big. Don't you think? It should at least have some writing on it, right?

The Cowboys are in absolute purgatory with Dak Prescott

What do you do with Jason Garrett and Dak? Because now I feel like the Cowboys are in absolute purgatory because Dak did... just enough to make you think that he's the guy, but also missed enough throws and looked just, like, so shitty in the pocket at times to be like, this guy can't do it. He is the perfect test case of how the hell can you give him money?

Cody Parkey on Good Morning America is the end of civilization

Cody Parkey on Good Morning America... fucking ridiculous... This is the end of our civilization, folks. Everything that we stood on for the longest time, America, what it was founded on, not feeling bad for kickers when they fuck up. Guess what? It's over. You got one job to do.

To beat Tom Brady, you must have a completely different second-half game plan

The thing with Tom is if he knows what you're in, he's going to the right place. So without disguising coverages and giving him his own coverage, you've got no chance... in the second half, we had a totally different game plan. So you knew that they were going to go into the locker room, get it figured out. So you had to have a second pitch within the game plan.

Quarterback is the coolest position in all of sports

Being the quarterback on an NFL team is the coolest thing you can do in sports. Like, it is. It just is. It's always going to be the coolest thing. It's always going to be the top of the mountain in terms of position, sport, you name it, quarterback, NFL, will always trump almost everything else.

Cliff Kingsbury is overrated in terms of attractiveness

I don't think Cliff Kingsbury is as hot as people are saying he is... wearing sunglasses all the time in pictures is the easiest way to make people think you're more attractive than you really are... I really do think he's got a weird mouth. A little sideways.

Will Ferrell is the funniest person I've ever worked with

Will Ferrell is up there. Will Ferrell is by far the funniest person I've ever worked with. I would definitely say that... Will Ferrell's level of funny on and off the camera is extremely high. It's effortless.

Eddie Murphy is the funniest person of all time to hang out with

Well, you know, I work with this person, too, and he's the GOAT. But now, hanging out, nobody's funnier than Eddie Murphy... He's that good.

The blueprint to beating Tua Tagovailoa is hitting him in the groin in the first quarter

The blueprints out there for how to beat Tua [Tagovailoa] is hit him in his dick in the first quarter, and then he'll just be thinking about his balls for the rest of the game.

Drake jinxes teams publicly and then bets against them to profit privately

Drake, is he the best gambler in the world? Because he basically wears the clothing of the team and then bets against them. And it always works in his way. So he wears Kentucky clothes, or he says he's an Alabama fan, and then he bets against them in the big game and cashes his tickets.

You should be allowed to walk your dog in just boxers and slippers before 9 AM

If you have a dog and it's before 9 a.m., you should be able to walk on the street in just boxers... boxers and slippers. And people can't say anything. It's the dog walking rule.

Calgary's Saddledome is a complete shithole

It's really cool to look at from the outside, but it's a complete shithole. For a current day pro sports arena, it's in the very, very low bottom percentage of that entire list.

Montreal is the best atmosphere in North American hockey

Montreal... you should see this place. Just the fans right on top of you... the seats just go straight up. It's loud as hell. The French are completely nuts. By far and away, it was my favorite place to play.

NBA players are egotistical 'assholes' compared to modest NHL players

It's the ego on these assholes [in the NBA] to think that they're bigger than the team. They're bigger than the league... LeBron carries wine into the fucking game. Looking like a clown. And by the way, no hockey player would ever do that. They're going to say my teammates are the best teammates of all time because they don't need everything to be about them.