Takes

The one-and-done era has watered down both college and NBA basketball

And it's watered down the game a little bit. And then everyone leaving early for the NBA, I think, waters down the NBA a little bit. But it's hard to stop kids from pursuing their dream.

There is no such thing as a clutch gene

Is the clutch gene real? No, not real at all.

The NFL draft hats are just a way for Roger Goodell to sell more junk

This is what Roger Goodell is really, really good at, and that's just finding a one-off occasion and then selling a bunch of shit on top of it. So they designed all 32 teams brand-new hats.

The NFL released draft hats just to flex on the dying AAF

Basically, they put a big piece of cheese out in the middle of the floor... Snap. You're talking about the NFL in the middle of April. This is the nail in the coffin for the AAF. It's a flex.

The New York Giants draft hat looks like it has a barbed wire tattoo

The Giants one looks like it's got a barbed wire tattoo around the entire hat, which is very appropriate for the fan base.

LeBron James has smelly breath and halitosis

LeBron James has smelly breath, which shouldn't surprise anyone. Not just because of the wine, but because LeBron definitely is surrounded by yes men, and he probably just does his halitosis breath in everyone's face. You think Maverick Carter's going to be like, hey, Bron, how about a fucking piece of Trident?

Zion Williamson was the college basketball season and his departure leaves a hole in the Final Four.

I'm going to miss Zion a lot because he was so much fun to watch this season. He was the college basketball season, and he leaves like a hole in all of our hearts for the Final Four. Zion was the only one who, like, wanted it, I felt like, a lot of times during this Duke run.

Tom Izzo is a very overrated coach because he does not win enough championships.

I still think that Izzo is very, very, very overrated. Final fours. Yeah, that's fine... When was the last time they won a championship? I'm about rings, dude. I don't know about you. I don't care about Final Fours, all that bullshit.

Kentucky would destroy Auburn if the game were played on an NBA court instead of a college court.

[Kentucky] has too many NBA caliber players and it doesn't translate to college ball. Kentucky would destroy Auburn on an NBA court... That's actually very, very true.

Coach K and John Calipari are more focused on building their brands than winning basketball games.

Cal and Coach K are not playing the same game as everyone else. They're not trying to win basketball games. They're trying to win their brand. They're trying to build their brands and keep the machine just churning. And they don't want anyone to notice.

Coach K has entered the 'Paterno phase' of his career where he is no longer actually coaching.

First of all, can we just acknowledge that [Coach K] has entered the Paterno phase of his career where he's just trying not to shit his pants as the game's going on. He's not actually coaching. That's the thing. This season was such a disaster from Duke... How do you have a team full of freshmen get worse as the season goes on?

The gap between Zion Williamson and the second-best player in college basketball is the largest I have ever seen.

I can't remember a time in my life where the gap between the best player in college basketball and the second best player was so big as it was this year.

I am going to miss watching LeBron James in the first round of the NBA playoffs.

Everyone out there, please remind us how much fun it's been to talk about LeBron this year because I will have a moment in the first round of the playoffs where I'll be like, I kind of wish LeBron was here.

Matt Painter is the new Bo Ryan

We have Purdue, Matt Painter keeping it real, as John Rothstein says. Matt Painter, the new Bo Ryan.

The Purdue vs. Tennessee game was the best game of the tournament so far, second only to Duke

Matt Painter, you have slightly less of a stupid face, and I'm going to say some nice things about Purdue, but that [Purdue vs. Tennessee] was the game of the tournament other than the Duke game.

Tennessee should not be allowed to wear their Indiana-style warm-up colors

My big takeaway was the Tennessee uniforms. They should not be allowed to wear those pants and those warm-ups and those colors. Those are Indianas. Those are Indianas.

The 2019 Texas Tech vs. Michigan game was classic Big Ten football played on a basketball court

It was classic Big Ten football. Just on a basketball court. [Michigan] scored 16 points in the first half... Two touchdowns and two two-point conversions.

The fact that Philly fans booed Bryce Harper on the first day is why Philly is great

Reacting to a 13-year contract on the first day is so fucking awesome, and that's why Philly is great. It does set a tone.

Good coaches make talented players like Jordan Howard fit their offense instead of trading them

Being like [Jordan Howard] doesn't fit our offense, good coaches make talented players fit their offense.

Mike Brown is a guy who just gets 'bumped' and alpha'd

Ever since LeBron bumped Mike Brown, I'm like, Mike Brown could just be bumped. He's a guy who just can be bumped... You get bumped on national television once, everyone just can kind of alpha you and bump you.

Sports owners focus much more on winning than making money

I think most owners in sports are much more focused on winning than they are making money from the business... I think they think winning first. And if you win, then profits follow.

Robert Kraft is the reason for the 'sneakers with suits' revolution

Robert's wearing sneakers. He's worn sneakers for as long as I've known him, and he's made it cool, and I think so many other people are doing it now. I think he actually kind of kicked that off. So I think I give him 100% credit for the sneaker revolution, for guys wearing those with suits.

Cliff Kingsbury is too pretty to win a Super Bowl

Cliff Kingsbury, that guy's too fucking smooth... you can't win a Super Bowl looking that pretty.

Robert Kraft is probably guilty despite his 'not guilty' plea

Mr. Kraft... Not guilty. That's his plea. He still probably is guilty, but he pled not guilty. He pled not guilty to not being sorry. He's truly sorry for disappointing people, but he has pled not guilty.

A team's connectedness is more important than talent or coaching

You can't be in the Sweet 16, or it's rare if you're in the Sweet 16, if you think it's only based on talent or if it's only based on coaching. There have to be a lot of other intangibles... it's the connectedness of your staff and the example that your staff sets for your team.

LeBron James is the GOAT

He's the GOAT, though. You've got to give it to him. Come on... Being in Cleveland, [LeBron James] was the GOAT.

Rob Gronkowski is the greatest tight end of all time

Yes, Gronk [is the GOAT]. I'm kind of upset he retired. I wish he stayed one more year because we were playing the Patriots this year.

Tennis balls are definitely green

I already know the answer to it. No, they're green... Yeah, they're probably green. They're definitely green.

Tennis balls are yellow

So I'm like a genius mind [for being in the 42% who say they are yellow]... I don't go with the sheep.

The Monday after the first weekend of March Madness is the worst Monday of the year

I actually contend it's the worst Monday of the year. [After] having nothing but games for four days nonstop, and then there's just an end. It just ends, and you're like, what the hell?

The five-foul limit in college basketball is terrible and needs to be changed

I hate the five fouls in college basketball. Suck. They need to fix it.

UNC's Luke Maye has the weirdest voice in the world

Luke Maye might have the weirdest voice in the world. Have you heard him talk? He's like if Jason Aldean was in Bone Thugs. It doesn't work. When I watch him talk and I listen to him, he gives me a stroke.

Rob Gronkowski is the greatest tight end in NFL history

Greatest of all time? Tight end? Not even a question. Greatest tight end of all time. Gronk is the first seven [PFF single season grades]. So basically every single year. He was amazing.

The Motley Crue movie 'The Dirt' is ten times better than Bohemian Rhapsody

Motley Crue is also back... They put out a Netflix movie. I know Queen Bohemian Rhapsody won all the awards. This was like a 10 times better of a biopic movie. All sex, drugs, rock and roll.

I am canceling Orange Vanilla Coke and will never drink it because of the excessive advertising

Orange Vanilla Coke I saw seven million times, and I hate it. I will never drink an orange vanilla Coke. I am canceling orange vanilla Coke.

PFT Commenter looks like a greasier version of Post Malone

You look like a greasier version of Post Malone. He looks like he stinks worse than garbage. He looks like a New York City street.

Tom Izzo's coaching intensity is acceptable and challenges players to battle through adversity

I think that there's a line and [Tom Izzo] didn't cross it... he challenged you. There were some days where I'd go home and I'd have higher anxiety... but it turned me into the person I am today. You have to go through things like that... if you want to be coddled it's going to be a very tough life ahead.

Fighting is dead in hockey because social justice warriors have taken over and influenced the league

Fighting is dead in hockey... all these social justice warriors have kind of taken over and directed the league in a certain way. I feel bad for league officials... because it's just a constant barrage of people bitching about everything.

I would rather take punches to the face than block shots for a career

I would rather take punches to the face than have to block shots as a career... I'd like to take punches to the face rather than block shots. I was one of those guys where I just didn't like doing it, and sometimes I would flamingo.

Judge Judy is a rude diva who needs a 'hat sting' to humble her

I always didn't like her just because she's just so rude to people... she walks in [to a restaurant] and she goes [to my friend], 'take your hat off.' And she took it off his head and put it in his hands. I would have two hats on... Russian things that get smaller and smaller. My hats get smaller and smaller.

I would perform a sexual act with a cat for $2 million if it stayed secret

If no one was to find out, a couple sheets... a couple sheets, $2 million, and Hank would fuck a cat? Raw dog, too.

LeBron James' physical therapist's deleted Instagram post was a calculated excuse for his poor season

[LeBron's] physical therapist put out an Instagram that immediately deleted it... Classic LeBron. To just put it out there, let everyone know that he actually was dealing with a way worse injury, but then have it deleted... this was the ultimate excuse, just a very well-planned excuse.

Watching college basketball for 15 hours a day is a sport in itself

Watching college basketball for 15 hours a day is a sport. It is. It is literally a sport, and we're pretty fucking good at it.

I would have taken Tom Izzo in a fight against his own players

[Tom Izzo] was going at him. And you know what? I would have taken Tom Izzo in the fight. He looked like he should be on the sidelines wearing a white tank top with a stain on it. He was on Cops holding a pint of Jack. He was very, very angry.

Darren Rovell's brand is being the guy who 'forgot' to fill out a bracket

Darren knows brands. And my suspicion is he realized at the very last minute that his brand is being the guy that doesn't fill out a bracket and tells you that he didn't. And so he was like, it'd be bad. It would just be a bad change of pace.

Jamarcus Russell had a stronger arm than Josh Allen

I watched him [Jamarcus Russell] throw. I was like, holy hell. That dude had the strongest arm I've ever seen. I know you guys are big Josh Allen fans. I'm a big Josh Allen fan. Jamarcus Russell had a stronger arm than Josh Allen.

Joe Thomas's draft day fishing story was staged

Joe Thomas. He didn't even go to the draft. Yeah, exactly. He was fishing. Which is the biggest BS... There's no way that boat got that far off the dock before it came right back. I just thought, I was like, this had to have been staged. Because either A, you're getting so far out, you don't have cell phone reception. Or B, it wasn't going to time out... I think he got [the fish] from the supermarket. They just put it on the boat.

Tim Tebow's inaccuracy was caused by over-thinking his mechanics after constant criticism

The problem is the biggest thing is if no one told him his throwing motion was messed up, he'd probably throw the ball with so much more confidence. What happened with him is... everyone started doubting him and his ability to like actually be accurate... if you're already thinking that before you throw the football, game over.

Wahlburgers makes bad burgers

But his burgers suck. I didn't like the burgers. It was just a bad experience. I went to one in Orlando. I was like, eh, that's not very good.

The MLB retiring Ichiro at 7 AM in Japan is the worst way to stay relevant

Way to Stay Relevant Baseball, having one of the most liked superstars in the past probably 50 years retire at 7 a.m. when no one was watching in Japan... And on top of all of that, I actually woke up and... I went to Twitter to try to find some clips. Well, another one, MLB. I forgot. No one can tweet any clips from your product. So I couldn't even see Ichiro's last thing until you uploaded it on yourself. So good job, MLB.