Takes

Uncrustables are the perfect meal

It's really the perfect meal, an Uncrustables.

Never slide in beer league softball unless it's the playoffs

Here's a hard and fast rule I had with softball... You never, ever slide if it's not the playoffs. Ever. Regular season does not matter. Just do not slide. If you get caught and you get tagged out, that's fine. It's better than sliding.

Being young is a performance-enhancing drug for partying

Being younger is like a PED for partying. If you meet someone who's under 25 years old, cross the street. Yes, go far away.

Indianapolis is the true 'Barstool America' because it's stereotypical heartland

We Oxford Dictionary-ed what America is. Stereotypically American was the answer, and I said, well, I think that's more like everything I do in my life... I'm all about the heartland here. And even New York City, boy, has grown on me... but when I got here, I really thought I was in foreign land.

Buffalo Wild Wings is making a comeback with larger wings

Their wings got bad there for a little while. They're coming back, though. The wings are good. They got bigger wings.

You should give homeless people gift cards instead of cash or food

Here's what you do next time. Get them a gift card. Problem solved... $5 gift card.

You should never bring up anything you thought was funny online while on a date

As a general rule of thumb, you don't ever want to bring up anything that you thought was funny online on a date.

Never spend more than $50 on sunglasses if you are under 30

Little tip for everyone out there... If you're under 30 years old, never, ever, ever buy a pair of sunglasses that are more than $50. That's on you, okay? $50. I don't buy a pair unless it's under $15.

You can only trust the weather in Chicago between July 4th and Labor Day

It's been classic Chicago because three weeks, two weeks ago, it was 80 degrees and beautiful. Now winter is basically back. And like I said, the only time you can trust Chicago weather is like July 4th to Labor Day.

Buffalo Wild Wings' wings are finally getting good again

Their wings got bad there for a little while. They're coming back, though. The wings are good. They got bigger wings.

I am almost completely done with the 2016 Chicago Bulls

I thought there was no way in hell that the Chicago Bulls would lose two back-to-back games against the New York Knicks. Boy, was I wrong. So that one was a big-time Jimbo. Hurt me in the wallet. Hurt me in the heart. Hurt me in the soul. I am so close to being hashtag done with the Chicago Bulls.