PMT DB
PMT DB
Kyle Wiltjer on Gonzaga’s Run and Adam Morrison’s Bunker
The Cleveland Browns have done it again. In a move that feels like two ugly people finding love at a wedding, Robert Griffin III is headed to the land of sadness. PFT Commenter thinks the fit is actually perfect because RG3 thrives when nobody expects him to do anything, and there is no place on earth with lower expectations than the Browns quarterback room.
PFT CommenterRobert Griffin III performs best when there are no expectations
He performs really well when he has low expectations. So I think it's a good fit for that. Like he went to Baylor. Nobody expected him to do shit at Baylor. Played well there. Played well his first year in Washington. I mean, nobody expects a Redskins quarterback to be very good. And then once they got to the playoffs, all of a sudden he had expectations.
Big Cat read off the list of Browns quarterbacks since 1999, a list so long and tragic it features names like Spurgeon Wynn and Seneca Wallace. While Brian Hoyer remains the only man on that list with a winning record, PFT Commenter is already looking ahead to how this inevitably ends for Griffin in Cleveland.
PFT CommenterRobert Griffin III's career will eventually be ended by a massive staph infection in the Browns' locker room
That is probably the last locker room that you want to be in if you're recovering from like a knee surgery... I could see this going very poorly for [Griffin]. Like he has some minor surgery in the off season and then his career is ended by a massive staph infection.
The Legend of Jeff Fisher
Big Cat is currently losing sleep over the possibility that this might be our last year with Jeff Fisher in the NFL. There is something truly commendable about a man who can half-ass his way through a decade of 7-9 seasons and maintain total job security. Big Cat even admitted that Fisher is the ultimate inspiration for the "snake it until you make it" lifestyle.
Big CatFinding a way to half-ass a job and maintain mediocre performance while keeping job security is a commendable life achievement
If you can figure out a way to half ass your job and do a very mediocre job and like keep the bar as low as possible on what people expect from you, but still keep your job. That's commendable in this world.
PFT Commenter took it a step further, suggesting that Fisher’s role in moving the Rams to Los Angeles was a tactical masterpiece designed to buy him more time. If the team sucks, he can just blame the fact that he's still unpacking boxes or waiting for the cable guy to show up at his new house.
PFT CommenterJeff Fisher helped move the Rams to LA specifically to have excuses for poor coaching performance
I am absolutely convinced that Jeff Fisher was instrumental in like moving the entire franchise of the Rams to LA because Jeff knew that once he gets to Los Angeles, he's coming off a big move. He's got some excuses. If things don't go well, he's like, I'm still unpacking my shit... you can't fire him if he just has the cable guy at his house all the time.
This led to a deeper discussion on what actually defines a "Football Guy." These are the men who don't eat meals, sleep in their offices, and would likely become serial killers if they were ever forced to live a domestic life. PFT Commenter also offered a scientific theory on why Jeff Fisher always looks like he’s holding it in.
PFT CommenterTrue 'Football Guys' don't actually poop because their bodies are too efficient
Real football guys, their bodies operate so efficiently that they—first of all, they don't really eat meals because they're just too busy watching film. They eat like a couple granola bars... their bodies are just so efficient at burning everything, converting everything to energy. They just like—they don't crap. It just all goes right into the muscles or the fat... I don't think that Jeff Fisher can crap his pants because I would submit that Jeff Fisher doesn't crap.
Kyle Wiltjer and the Spokane Survivalist
Gonzaga’s Kyle Wiltjer joined the show ahead of their Sweet 16 matchup against Syracuse. While they discussed the "infamous" Syracuse zone, which PFT Commenter rightly pointed out is basically the Oddjob of college basketball defenses, the real highlight was the update on former Bulldog legend Adam Morrison.
PFT CommenterSyracuse's zone defense is essentially cheating and violates the gentleman's agreement of college basketball
I feel like playing the zone defense is something that any team could do in the tournament, but nobody does it because it's cheating, basically. Like, it's a gentleman's agreement that, yeah, we could all play zone and be pretty good at defense. It's like playing against your friend in GoldenEye and they play as Oddjob.
According to Wiltjer, Morrison hasn't just faded away; he’s fully prepared for the end of the world. Morrison apparently lives in Spokane with a bunker, a massive stash of food, and enough guns to protect himself from the corrupt politicians he believes are coming for us all.
Kyle WiltjerAdam Morrison is an apocalypse prepper with a bunker and guns in Spokane
The guy is fully equipped. If there was an apocalypse, he's got food stashed in the way, everything. So he could survive anything. Yeah, he's got guns, everything. He's got a bunker, everything. He's a pro... He thinks something's going down with politics or something. Because if you ever ask him a political question, you will get a great answer. I'd probably say he just thinks there's basically, he thinks everyone is corrupt.
People Forget and Jimbos
In a historic edition of People Forget That, PFT Commenter reminded everyone that the NCAA once banned the slam dunk for nine years because Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was too dominant. It remains one of the most absurd and transparently targeted rules in the history of the game.
PFT CommenterThe NCAA banning the slam dunk for nine years was the most racist rule in sports history
So people forget that college basketball banned the slam dunk for nine years. And they banned it because of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar because he was dunking on all these white guys. I think that's probably the most racist rule to ever be enacted—like blatantly racist rule to ever be enacted in sports is that you're not allowed to dunk the ball anymore in basketball.
To wrap things up, the crew shared their Jimbos of the week. Big Cat is officially on the verge of quitting the Chicago Bulls after they managed to lose back-to-back games to the New York Knicks, costing him a significant amount of money in the process.
Big CatI am almost completely done with the 2016 Chicago Bulls
I thought there was no way in hell that the Chicago Bulls would lose two back-to-back games against the New York Knicks. Boy, was I wrong. So that one was a big-time Jimbo. Hurt me in the wallet. Hurt me in the heart. Hurt me in the soul. I am so close to being hashtag done with the Chicago Bulls.
PFT Commenter’s Jimbo involved a "reverse walk of shame" at a grocery store after forgetting his debit card while trying to buy condoms, and Hank admitted he’s chasing the dragon after winning too much money while drunk-betting during the opening rounds. PFT Commenter suggested a little unconventional therapy to help Hank find his level again.
PFT CommenterThe best way to quit gambling is through 'aversion therapy' by intentionally losing bets to get a bad taste in your mouth
Teach yourself some—what's it called when you—like aversion therapy? You want to bet on some bets that you know are going to lose. You want to lose some bets and get a bad taste in your mouth from gambling... and you won't want to do it anymore.
Good luck to the Zags, and let's hope Adam Morrison never actually has to use that bunker.
