Kyle Wiltjer 03/25/2016

Robert Griffin III performs best when there are no expectations

He performs really well when he has low expectations. So I think it's a good fit for that. Like he went to Baylor. Nobody expected him to do shit at Baylor. Played well there. Played well his first year in Washington. I mean, nobody expects a Redskins quarterback to be very good. And then once they got to the playoffs, all of a sudden he had expectations.

Robert Griffin III will start 6-8 games for the Browns, win three, and become a career backup after getting injured

Griffin will start six to eight games this year, and he'll win three of them. So it'll be like RG three and three. And then he'll get injured again, and then they'll bring in, you know, whichever quarterback that they draft at the second overall pick. And then Griffin will just be on the bench again, and then he'll be a career backup after that.

The NFL told the Rams they wouldn't have to do 'Hard Knocks' if they drafted Michael Sam

What came out yesterday was that the Rams, when they were drafting him [Michael Sam], they got a call from the NFL league office and the NFL said, hey, if you draft Michael Sam, we won't make you do Hard Knocks because they were one of like three or four teams that could possibly do Hard Knocks that year. And so they drafted Michael Sam. This report says to avoid having the HBO cameras in their locker room the whole time.

If Jeff Fisher is fired, he will spend six years on CBS before coaching the Raiders

What will happen to Jeff is if they go like 3-13, if they have fewer than six wins this year, he'll get fired. And then he'll be on CBS for like the next six years pretending to laugh during the pregame show. And then he'll go back to the Raiders or something like that.

Jeff Fisher helped move the Rams to LA specifically to have excuses for poor coaching performance

I am absolutely convinced that Jeff Fisher was instrumental in like moving the entire franchise of the Rams to LA because Jeff knew that once he gets to Los Angeles, he's coming off a big move. He's got some excuses. If things don't go well, he's like, I'm still unpacking my shit... you can't fire him if he just has the cable guy at his house all the time.

True 'Football Guys' don't actually poop because their bodies are too efficient

Real football guys, their bodies operate so efficiently that they—first of all, they don't really eat meals because they're just too busy watching film. They eat like a couple granola bars... their bodies are just so efficient at burning everything, converting everything to energy. They just like—they don't crap. It just all goes right into the muscles or the fat... I don't think that Jeff Fisher can crap his pants because I would submit that Jeff Fisher doesn't crap.

Adam Morrison is an apocalypse prepper with a bunker and guns in Spokane

The guy is fully equipped. If there was an apocalypse, he's got food stashed in the way, everything. So he could survive anything. Yeah, he's got guns, everything. He's got a bunker, everything. He's a pro... He thinks something's going down with politics or something. Because if you ever ask him a political question, you will get a great answer. I'd probably say he just thinks there's basically, he thinks everyone is corrupt.

The NCAA banning the slam dunk for nine years was the most racist rule in sports history

So people forget that college basketball banned the slam dunk for nine years. And they banned it because of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar because he was dunking on all these white guys. I think that's probably the most racist rule to ever be enacted—like blatantly racist rule to ever be enacted in sports is that you're not allowed to dunk the ball anymore in basketball.

Banning the home run in baseball would make the sport unwatchable

I would love that rule [banning the home run]. That would be a great rule. Could you imagine? Actually, that would basically make baseball unwatchable, now that I'm saying it out loud.

If a pitcher ever dies on the mound, MLB will force pitchers to wear helmets and face contraptions

Well, so if a pitcher dies on the baseball mound, the game is going to like completely change. Right. They're going to make pitchers wear helmets and there may be even like some sort of weird face contraption. I don't know.

The best way to cure a hangover in Las Vegas is to breathe the oxygen pumped into the casinos

Actually, the best thing to do in Vegas if you're hungover is to go down to the casino and start playing some cards or go to the sports book because they pump oxygen into the casinos. And so if you want to not be tired anymore, just go down there and breathe that thick-ass air, and you'll be okay much faster than if you got an IV.

I am almost completely done with the 2016 Chicago Bulls

I thought there was no way in hell that the Chicago Bulls would lose two back-to-back games against the New York Knicks. Boy, was I wrong. So that one was a big-time Jimbo. Hurt me in the wallet. Hurt me in the heart. Hurt me in the soul. I am so close to being hashtag done with the Chicago Bulls.