Takes

Watching Russell Wilson fail in prime time has become fascinating theater

That Russell Wilson clip that I somehow missed of him saying Bronco country, let's ride after the loss... Man I'm actually, I'm, I'm zagging on everyone being like, this sucks that we have to watch the Broncos and I kind of wanna watch Russell Wilson just continue to fail on prime time. It's fun. It's good theater at this point.

The movie 'Cars 3' is better than the original 'Cars'

I'm starting to think cars three might be better than cars one. Cars two is trash. I've watched way too many cars.

'Eating your way out of town' is an underused and effective move for a player to force a trade

I choice not to look at any more angles of James Harden pictures... I choose to believe that James Harden is fat and I say more power to him. The eating your way out of town is the move that it's underused. And if all else fails and you want it to be traded, just put on a shitload of weight until people are embarrassed of you. And then guess what? You can always lose the weight.

The 2020 NBA City Edition uniforms are largely based on Reddit suggestions

NBA is the one league where I'm pretty sure someone in the league office is just scrolling through Reddit at all times and be like, look at this fucking uniform. This is cool. Let's build an entire uniform base off of this.

Hiring David Ross to manage the Cubs is a great idea

My stardom is David Ross. When would it ever be a bad idea to hire everyone's best friend to be the manager and boss? That's not going to be bad at all.

Bol Bol will get injured this season because he is way too tall

My sit-em is Bol Bol. This guy is way too fucking tall. There's no way he makes it this whole season without getting hurt... he wears short shorts, so it makes him look even taller.

Julio Jones will score three touchdowns against the Browns

Julio Jones. The floodgates are open. He scored a touchdown last week. He's going to score three this week. Three touchdowns against the Cleveland Browns. Start him, start him, start him.

Bad things happen to Notre Dame when they wear their green uniforms

When Notre Dame wears their green uniforms, bad things happen. 2007, they lost 38-0 to USC. 2006, you might remember the Bush Push. In 2002, they lost to Boston College as 10-point favorites... When they wear the green uniforms, bad things happen.

Aladdin is the greatest Disney movie of all time

My sleeper is Aladdin, the greatest Disney movie of all time. Yeah, I said it. It's being made into a live-action movie star in Will Smith, The Fresh Prince, which means it's sure to fucking slap.

The first three Christmas Day NBA unders will always win

I bet the first three Christmas Day unders every single year, and I think it's won every single year for like 15 years. The only year it didn't win was the lockout year when the first game of the season was Christmas Day. And it's basically because everyone's full... And they wear those stupid jerseys... Take the Christmas Day Unders first three.

Eggnog is disgusting and anyone who says otherwise is lying

My sit-em is eggnog. If you like eggnog, you're a fucking Muppet. That shit is disgusting and anyone that says otherwise lies.

Bitcoin is fake and people should buy land instead

My stardom is land. Bitcoin, currency, it's all fake. You can't see it. Buy something you can see with your own two eyeballs. Buy a plot. Buy an acre. Squat on it.

AJ Green will have a massive game against the Titans after putting Jalen Ramsey in a sleeper hold

I got my sleeper. It's AJ Green. He put Jalen Ramsey in a sleeper, and he's going to come back with a performance this week against the Tennessee Titans. Rock and Refuel. They can't play defense. Start AJ Green.

Julio Jones will have a massive 'revenge game' against the Patriots on Sunday

My stardom: Julio Jones. The Patriots secondary stinks. Primetime revenge game. Julio Jones. pick him up on the waiver wire and start his ass.

Big Ben will have a big game against the Chiefs because he's too dumb to realize he stinks

Big Ben is too dumb to realize he stinks now. That's why he's going to come out. He's going to throw all over the field. Big Ben, he's fatter than Andy Reid now. That's a win for Big Ben.

Ricardo Lewis is a legitimate fantasy sleeper because of his target share

Ricardo Lewis. Great name, even better value. Pick him up. He has the most targets on the [Browns] this year.