Takes

We should start a 'Crafty Camp' for kids who aren't great athletes to teach them old-man tricks like bank shots and hitting to the opposite field.

We should create a crafty camp where we teach kids who are clearly not going to be great athletes how to do just enough to get by. So it's like be able to shoot a bank shot from the baseline extended. Be able to hit opposite field in baseball... We can give you enough that when you're playing, people are like, ooh, look at that.

You should never post a picture of cooked meat or your thumb online because they always look bad on camera.

The two [things you should never post] that come to mind is always your meat. Don't post any picture of meat. And then don't post your thumb because your thumbs always look bad... just when people see a thumb on picture, it looks weird no matter whose thumb it is.

Rich Paul is a great disruptor for challenging the NCAA establishment

The NCAA has created a new rule... any agent that wants to talk to a player... has to have a bachelor's degree. Rich Paul does not... As much as it pains me to say this, I love it. Because I love people who make the establishment super nervous. The NCAA has been just milking everyone forever. Having a disruptor in there... is great for everyone because NCAA will have to change if Rich Paul keeps disrupting.

Pepsi was the sixth largest military power in the world in 1989

In 1989, the cash strapped Soviet Union paid Pepsi with 17 submarines, a cruiser, a frigate and a destroyer in exchange for three billion dollars worth of Pepsi, causing Pepsi to become the sixth largest military power, at least Navy wise, in the world.

Adam Silver's public 'discussion' of fan ideas is just a brilliant PR move to appease Reddit

Adam Silver is a genius because he just basically goes on NBA Reddit, reads the most upvoted idea for how to fix the NBA, and then says, we're going to discuss it in this offseason, and maybe we'll make some changes.

The NBA will soon discuss adding a four-point line and moving the three-point line

I guarantee you in the next few years, Adam Silver's going to talk about moving the three-point line, getting a four-pointer, getting rid of intentional fouls, making technicals different, all these things. If you have a dumb idea and you get enough traction on Twitter, Adam Silver will announce that they are going to discuss it just to appease everyone.

LeBron James will NOT sign with the New York Knicks or Miami Heat

I am officially reporting lebron james will not be going to the new york knicks... I'm going to report that LeBron James will not be returning to the Miami Heat.

LeBron James will not sign with the Boston Celtics

You can officially take LeBron out of the Celtics running. Now that this Edelman story's come out, the Boston sports media doesn't need a story... so you can officially take LeBron out of the Celtics running.

Ronda Rousey is in the middle of a 'heel turn' in her media appearances

I have to stay woke on it. I think she's turning heel. This is the start.

MLB baseballs have been juiced since the 2015 All-Star break

Nate Silver's website... Went and x-rayed baseballs from the year 2014 and 2015. And baseballs in 2015 had different cores after the All-Star break. And that's when the power surge started to happen. That carried into 2016, 2017.

Bill Walton's 'WatchESPN' comment was a result of him doing acid in a forest

When Bill Walton says, 'Watch ESPN, I can watch you,' it's because he did acid in the forest and pulled up his Watch ESPN to watch UCLA versus USC, and was like, 'The game's watching me.'

Twitter intentionally releases bad updates just to generate free publicity through news articles.

The Twitter update... is awful but I think Twitter just does this once every few months so people will write articles about Twitter. That's really it. That's just kind of pokes the bee's nest... I think the long con is going to work.

You shouldn't complain about robots spying on you if you willingly put an Alexa in your house

I don't feel bad for anyone out there who willingly puts a robot in their living room and then complains when the robots start to take over. ... Don't fucking put a robot that can talk in your house. Once the robots get feelings, then we're all fucked.

Every team that has ever made the College Football Playoff has been a Nike school

Every team that's made the college football playoffs is a Nike school. A little bit of a conspiracy. Turns out every school is a Nike school pretty much.

Announcers are drawing telestrator dicks on purpose to drive ratings

I think that announcers are drawing telestrator dicks on purpose to drive up ratings. Because there's one thing that you can't draw when you're doing a telestrator and that's a dick. And they do it every time. Every single time it's a dick.