Takes

Rob Gronkowski will return to the NFL to play in the December and January games

I would say he [Gronkowski] probably will be back because he'll do the thing where he can basically play the important games in December and January and have fun and not have to deal with all the bullshit.

The Bosa family are made of silk because they are so injury prone

The Bosa family, they're kind of doofies, doofuses, doofi? ... If you did a 23andMe on the Bosa family jeans, it's like 15% Anglo-Saxon and then 85% silk. Torn hamstrings. They're just made out of silk. Their hamstrings are Ming vases.

Nick Saban definitely uses the internet and is lying about it

I think he does have all those things... I just feel like that's a guy who has the internet who's ashamed of having the internet... he always says rat poison... how does he find this stuff out if he doesn't have the internet?

Pardon My Take broke the news that the Sixers' first pick would be injured before the draft even happened

I think we reported this news first. We broke this news the day before the NBA draft saying that the Philadelphia 76ers' first pick was going to be injured at some point this season. Credit to us. First reported by [Pardon My Take].

Derrick Rose and Dwyane Wade will turn into a pile of dust if they collide in practice

I would say, man, I'm really looking forward to those practices where Derrick Rose and Dwyane Wade just, like, accidentally run into each other and turn into a pile of dust.

The NCAA will investigate LaMelo Ball for selling shoes

Yes, this is going to pique their [NCAA] interest a little. If you take any dollar out of the NCAA's pockets, they will come down on you. So yes, I think the NCAA will look into this.

Derrick Rose will be playing in China with Stephon Marbury in a couple years

Except here's one silver lining I'll throw out there. Stephon Marbury versus Derrick Rose in China in a couple years. That'll be good.

Jim Harbaugh's parents rooted for John in the Super Bowl because Jim would be unbearable with a ring

I bet you his parents were rooting for John to win that Super Bowl. Because Jim Harbaugh with a Super Bowl ring over John would be unbearable at any family gathering from that point on. He would wear it every Thanksgiving.

The Patriots will select Christian McCaffrey with the 32nd pick in the NFL Draft

Christian McCaffrey, number 32 to the Patriots. Wow. Uhhh ya think? Him and Woodhead in the backfield together? Split backs. Bring back the old split back formation.

CBS firing Mike Carey because of internet meaness sets a terrible precedent

But what CBS has done here is it sets a terrible precedent. Yes. Because if you cave into the Internet once, oh, boy, that's a lot of power that you're giving CBS basically said we can get anyone on their staff fired. Right.

Nick Saban is a spiteful, vindictive, irrational baby of a man

So you're saying that Nick Saban is a spiteful, vindictive, irrational baby of a man? You think? No doy. I like that this guy actually thought like he was going to just tell Nick Saban he's quitting. And Nick would be like, you know what? Best of luck to you, man.