Takes

Rob Gronkowski is a genius who is very calculated about his public persona

Gronk's really good with numbers, and I'm not lying... He can remember, like, plays and, like, or, like, where guys are drafted, this, that... Gronk's real calculated with with with his whole persona man. He knows that he's just the Gronk and like he can play it out and he knows when to play it out and all that stuff.

Jimmy Garoppolo is a heartthrob, Tom Brady is handsome, and Danny Amendola is hot

Jimmy G's like heartthrob. I'd say Tom [Brady]'s like handsome. [Danny] Amendola's like hot.

Pizza Hut is a better pizza chain than Papa John's

Papa John's or Pizza Hut, what's better? Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut buffet is actually the answer. Fun fact.

Old Coldplay is great, but new Coldplay sucks

Old Coldplay, not new Coldplay. New Coldplay sucks. Old Coldplay fucking [is great].

The Saints' running game is elite (and Buffalo's defense stinks)

In terms of rushing touchdowns, the Saints had a six-pack, or as they call it in Buffalo, an amuse-bouche... It was a bumpy, bumpy, red, infected day for the big Bills D.

Case Keenum is actually a pretty good quarterback

Case Keenum is pretty good. I'm feeling it... Vikings are kind of fly... Don't blink 182 now, but the Vikings are 7-2.

Week 10 gave us clarity on who the actual good teams are in the NFL

I have one word for you for Week 10. You ready for it? Clarity. We actually know who's good now... it's basically the Vikings, the Rams, the Eagles [and] the Saints.

Rex Burkhead is a rich man's Danny Woodhead

I liked what Bill Belichick was doing with Rex Burkhead tonight... he's a poor man's Danny Woodhead, which technically makes him a rich man's Danny Woodhead, if that makes any sense at all.

I would still rather have Myles Garrett over Deshaun Watson

I'd still rather have Garrett over Deshaun Watson, though, because he's injury prone. True. Who's going to produce more this year?

Ben Roethlisberger fakes a limp whenever he feels tired or cold

When he feels tired, Ben's like, I got a limp... somewhere in the back of his lizard brain, it's like, you need to show these people that you're injured... He's not smart enough to fake a limp, but [it's his] lizard brain.

The Miami Hurricanes are officially back

As a team, Miami is officially, officially back. Now, Hank said it last week. The U. But they are now back.

The Boston Celtics are officially back

My who's back of the week is the Boston Celtics. Oh, great. They won 12 in a row. They're in first place in the Eastern Conference.

Facial expressions in impressions are a 'cheat' to make people believe the voice is better

The facial stuff is all a cheat. If you can do the mannerisms and the stuff with your face, it's a total cheat to get people to believe the voice is better than it is because people will start to see.

The boat picture officially jinxed the New York Giants franchise

The Giants are 1-9 and have been outscored by 113 points since the famous boat picture... Even Cam Newton knew you had to get on board the Titanic... I am fully on board with the theory that the boat totally jinxed the entire franchise for the Giants.

Ben McAdoo's open-door policy is exactly why the Giants are failing

Maybe that's the fucking problem is that you have Eli Manning wandering into your office asking you where his lost Legos are. Maybe focus on football... Odell Beckham's just dancing through your front door and just not focusing on football here.

The Seahawks' lime green color rush uniforms are divine

The Seahawks lime green uniforms are divine. They are like highlighter green.

The NFL concussion protocol is a farce

The really bizarre one was Russell Wilson basically getting what seemed to be a concussion and then doing like a second in the concussion protocol tent and then going right back out there and then realizing that everyone watched him do that and the whole concussion protocol is a farce.

SkyCam is the superior way to watch football because it shows the verticality of the game

Football's a vertical game. You need to see how it goes downfield. You don't get that from the sideline camera angle. Us all 22 guys, we live for the Skycam.

NBA players who airball a three-pointer should be sent directly to the bench

Jeff Van Gundy had a Mike Greenberg's Dumb Rules that I fucking love. If you airball a three-pointer in the NBA, you should have to go directly to the bench. It should just be a penalty box or something.

Rudy Gay is the most apathetic star in basketball

There's no one who is as good at basketball but cared less about playing basketball than Rudy Gay. That guy was just so apathetic to who won or lost a game.

The Buccaneers are on the verge of quitting on Dirk Koetter

I think the Bucs are pretty close to quitting on their coach. Dirk Koetter with his weird librarian glasses and a fake name and his Brillo pad hair.

Jerry Jones's threat to sue the NFL is a smoke bomb to hide his frustration with the national anthem issue

This is one of those things that I'm angry, I'm ticked off, and I'm going to do something about it. And what I'm going to do is threaten to sue... Although the vast majority of people who I know around the league are saying that Jerry was mad before the Ezekiel Elliott thing happened, very hard for me to take seriously the notion that Ezekiel Elliott has nothing to do with his anger and his venom right now.

Hank is more of a 'street kid' the hosts took in than a 'child' of the show

I consider you [Hank] like a street kid that we came across one day that stole something from us, and then we chased you down, and we punched you, and then we felt bad because we beat you up, and we're like, oh, we'll take care of you.

The NBA is officially the emo league

I'd like to just say I'm done with the word petty to describe the NBA. We passed petty like a year and a half ago. I think emo is now the correct answer.

Twitter's move to 280 characters makes the platform the worst

My hot seat is Twitter, because they have officially made everyone have 280 characters, and it's the worst... I had 280 characters before anyone else, not to brag, but I said to both of you that it's the worst because I get tired even writing 280 characters, let alone reading it. So fuck Twitter for doing that.

I'm hammering the Vegas Golden Knights at home whenever their opponent has a night off in Vegas beforehand

Whenever a team has a day in Vegas, I just bet the Golden Knights, and they've been great. People get fucked up there. In Vegas? No. It's an 82-game season. You get there, you're just going to rip it up.

Coyotes rookie Clayton Keller is so skilled he should have been a lacrosse player

I'll give you Clayton Keller, and since he's on Phoenix, Arizona Coyotes, nobody will really know him. Clayton Keller. That guy's lacrosse. He should have been a lacrosse player, yeah.

People with poorly manicured lawns should be legally liable to be beat up by their neighbors

Isn't there a law out there that's like, I don't know, like just like the being, don't be a shithead neighbor law where if you don't rake your leaves for long enough, your neighbor's allowed to kick the shit out of you? ... If your lawn looks like shit, you are liable to get the shit kicked out of you by someone in your neighborhood.

I would take RGIII over Andrew Luck right now because RGIII is healthy

I would take RGIII. He's not injured right now. He has a clean bill of health, and he's got Greta. [Andrew Luck]... Jim Irsay made a comment to me about six weeks ago that it's inside his own head. I'm going to trust Jim Irsay on all matters related to mental health.

Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback in the NFL because the Packers are trash without him

The Packers' Monday Night Football performance just proves, and I've said it for a long time... Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback in the NFL because that team sucks without him. He makes everything good. And you put Brett Hundley in there and they look like a shell of themselves.

The only consistent teams you can trust in the NFL are the Eagles and the Patriots

The only two consistents are the Patriots and the Eagles. So the only two teams at this point in the season where you can confidently say I would trust those teams.

The Saints are a really good football team

The Saints are really, really good. And I think it helped that they were playing against Jameis Winston today... the only two teams at this point in the season where you can confidently say I would trust those teams [Eagles and Patriots] and maybe the Saints.

The Falcons' Super Bowl hangover is real

The Falcons, Super Bowl hangover, real. Not to brag, but we called that. Remember over the summer when they had a rash of articles that were like, hey, these Falcons, they're going to bounce back... they've put it behind them, which is exactly what someone who is rattled by the Super Bowl would say. And it's proving true with how shitty they play week in and week out.

Lane Kiffin definitely knows the spread and plays to it

I've said this for many years, that Lane Kiffin is one of the only coaches that I will put my fucking life on it, that he knows the spread and plays to the spread. He used to do it at Tennessee, too, where he would go for two in random spots. I know Lane Kiffin knows the spread.

Robert Kraft is definitely a heavy emoji user in his text messages

Bob Kraft definitely uses emojis. Big time emoji guy. He probably does like the fist pound instead of saying like, you know, good call... He's got, he found poop, the poop emoji like six months ago. But with like 95 print font.

The NFL's decision to overturn Zach Miller's touchdown catch was close to laughable

They have officially tried to sell the fact that they were correct with their ruling on the field, which I'm sorry to say, but I don't want to call it laughable, but close to laughable... there's no part of that element of that play that is clear and obvious to overturn.

Any potential player ejection in the NFL should be reviewable

I think that we are at the point in this game where any potential ejection ought to be reviewable... because if everything's about players' safety... then if there are egregious acts that don't get called, even if they get called and they're not ejected and should be, then I think replay ought to be able to jump in.

NFL officials should be limited to 30 seconds of slow-motion replay per game

In the course of any game, the officials should only get like 30 seconds worth of slow-mo that they can use. And so you got to use it smart. It's like Turbo and NBA Jam.

LeBron James is using Dwyane Wade as a mouthpiece for his callouts of teammates

I like what Dwyane Wade's doing because now we see AI, the evolution of technology. LeBron no longer has to subtweet. He can just use Dwyane Wade as a little ventriloquist.

Carlos Correa should hand over his man card for proposing right after winning the World Series

Yeah, that's a problem for me because you don't want to propose at the best possible time of your life because everything's downhill from there. It's too much of a good thing... You're basically giving yourself Christmas and your birthday on the exact same day.

The Houston Astros should have kept the center field hill

I wish that they had kept that hill because that is the dumbest thing that has ever been put in a baseball field, and it needed to stay.

Gender is a wide spectrum

First of all, gender is a spectrum, Kat. Don't forget that again. Gender's a very wide spectrum. ... By the time you're 40, you're going to not care about anything anymore. Just wear women's clothing. ... If I did that, I would tell you, why do I care?

Millennials are less politically polarized and will save American society

I'm not blaming the millennials. I actually think the millennials are the guys that are going to save it. You guys are less politically motivated, less polarized... in general, my guess is you guys are going to do the right thing politically.

Lenny Dykstra is a genius

Let me tell you something, okay? Lenny Dykstra, no matter what he's done in his life after baseball, don't matter to me. But he's a genius. Love Lenny. He's probably an idiot savant. He's probably got some ADHD. ... Lenny Dykstra, as we called him when I was a kid, nails. ... This guy was a tough SOB.

The Houston Astros bullpen had an edge over the Dodgers because they were less tired

I think the edge right now is to the Houston bullpen. That's my opinion. Even though if you look at the stats, Dodgers have a better bullpen. Dodgers have a better bullpen, but they seem more tired than the Houston bullpen.

Individual investors should avoid stock selection and stick to ETFs

Buy ETFs, okay? And stay out of the individual stock selection business if you're not an expert. That's what I would tell you. ... While you guys are joking around, your listeners are right now burning into their brain the laws of compound interest. ... If you want to be rich and transform the society and transform your life, start saving some money.

Major League Baseball is better when the Dodgers are disappointed

The Major League Baseball is better when the Dodgers are good. That's what people always say. I don't really believe that. I like Los Angelinos to be very disappointed in all their sports because they have everything else.

Deshaun Watson would have failed on the Browns because they ruin all quarterbacks

Deshaun Watson is forever going to be the could-have-been-on-the-Browns guy. But what people don't realize is he would have sucked on the Browns because that's what the Browns do to quarterbacks.

Texting your date from the bathroom to tell them they look sexy is an alpha move

A-Rod revealed today that when his first date with J-Lo, he went to the bathroom and he texted her, you look sexy AF... fellas, if you're trying to get it... I mean, it's alpha move only for Alex Rodriguez. I feel like this is a new move.

The Raiders have lost their mojo because they aren't getting enough penalties

Jack Del Rio said that they've lost their mojo. You want to know why? Because they're like one of the least penalized teams in the NFL. That's not Raiders football.