Mike Pereira and Marshall Newhouse

The only consistent teams you can trust in the NFL are the Eagles and the Patriots

The only two consistents are the Patriots and the Eagles. So the only two teams at this point in the season where you can confidently say I would trust those teams.

The Saints are a really good football team

The Saints are really, really good. And I think it helped that they were playing against Jameis Winston today... the only two teams at this point in the season where you can confidently say I would trust those teams [Eagles and Patriots] and maybe the Saints.

Kirk Cousins earns $7 million for every half-decent throw

Kirk Cousins makes himself about $7 million for every half-decent throw that he has in a game. So he'll suck for a good three quarters, and then he'll have two good intermediate passes, and you're like, okay, yeah, somebody's going to pay him $25 million next year.

The Giants have officially quit on the season

The Giants have officially quit. That team does not give a fuck. No. And they're doing the old, like, no one wants to tackle anyone. They're basically playing, the rest of the season for the Giants is basically the Pro Bowl for them.

Since appearing on Pardon My Take, Jared Goff has the best stats of any NFL quarterback

I'm just going to say this. Since appearing on Pardon My Take, Jared Goff has the best stats of any NFL quarterback. Are we QB Whisperers?

Lane Kiffin definitely knows the spread and plays to it

I've said this for many years, that Lane Kiffin is one of the only coaches that I will put my fucking life on it, that he knows the spread and plays to the spread. He used to do it at Tennessee, too, where he would go for two in random spots. I know Lane Kiffin knows the spread.

The NFL's decision to overturn Zach Miller's touchdown catch was close to laughable

They have officially tried to sell the fact that they were correct with their ruling on the field, which I'm sorry to say, but I don't want to call it laughable, but close to laughable... there's no part of that element of that play that is clear and obvious to overturn.

Any potential player ejection in the NFL should be reviewable

I think that we are at the point in this game where any potential ejection ought to be reviewable... because if everything's about players' safety... then if there are egregious acts that don't get called, even if they get called and they're not ejected and should be, then I think replay ought to be able to jump in.

Targeting fouls in college football are up 40% this year and it is hurting the game

The rule makers have to be concerned when they look at the fact that the number of fouls for targeting are up 40% this year. I mean, that's a big number. That's a big number that leads to longer games and really more questionable decisions.

NFL teams below .500 should be relegated to having Brock Osweiler as their quarterback

I think that any team in the NFL that finishes below .500 should be relegated to having Brock Osweiler as their quarterback for the next year. You have to overcome Brock to prove that you're ready to rejoin the big boys.

Papa John and Jerry Jones are conspiring to get Roger Goodell fired

Papa John is running the NFL... He wants to get Roger Goodell fired... Jerry Jones is the leading franchise owner of Papa John's Pizzas... he's teaming up with Papa John to go after Goodell... trying to convince other sponsors to take money away from the NFL, therefore sinking Roger Goodell as commissioner.

Dwayne Wade is serving as LeBron James' ventriloquist for callouts

I like what Dwayne Wade's doing because now we see AI, the evolution of technology. LeBron no longer has to subtweet. He can just use Dwayne Wade as a little ventriloquist.