PMT DB
PMT DB
Ryan Whitney and Mr. Portnoy on NBA Emo Night, Stanley Cup Picks, and Tort Law
The NBA has officially transformed into a high-stakes soap opera, and Big Cat and PFT are here for every dramatic second of it. LeBron James decided to dust off a year-old Arthur meme to express his frustration with the Cavs, proving that he is truly the father of three who discovers internet trends exactly twelve months after they peaked. Between the subtweets and the Instagram outbursts, it's clear that the league has shifted away from mere pettiness into something much more melodic and dark.
PFT CommenterThe NBA is officially the emo league
I'd like to just say I'm done with the word petty to describe the NBA. We passed petty like a year and a half ago. I think emo is now the correct answer.
Hot Seat/Cool Throne
The guys kicked things off with a packed Hot Seat/Cool Throne, featuring everything from LiAngelo Ball’s international incident in China to the tragic passing of our stunt goldfish, Larry. Hank put Josh Gordon on the hot seat, questioning if the newly reinstated receiver can still produce without his pre-game "rituals."
HankJosh Gordon won't be as good as before because he's sober
[Josh Gordon] got reinstated, but it came out that he admitted that he used drugs or alcohol before every single game he's ever played. So he's going to have to come back and not use drugs or alcohol, and he's not going to be that good.
Big Cat brought some heat for Twitter’s decision to double the character count. While some see it as a way to express more, the guys see it as a way to read more things they don't care about.
Big CatTwitter's move to 280 characters makes the platform the worst
My hot seat is Twitter, because they have officially made everyone have 280 characters, and it's the worst... I had 280 characters before anyone else, not to brag, but I said to both of you that it's the worst because I get tired even writing 280 characters, let alone reading it. So fuck Twitter for doing that.
As we head into the mid-season stretch of the NFL, the coaching carousel is starting to spin. Big Cat is already eyeing the sidelines for the first casualty of the 2017 season, with names like Ben McAdoo and Hugh Jackson looming large.
Big CatAt least one NFL coach will be fired before the end of the 2017 season
So Ben McAdoo, we're going to get one coach at least in the NFL is going to get fired before the end of the season. It usually happens.
Hockey Talk with Ryan Whitney
Friend of the program Ryan Whitney joined the show to remind everyone that hockey is, in fact, happening. Whitney brought his usual energy, breaking down why the Lightning are the team to beat and giving us a certified gambling system for the Vegas Golden Knights.
Ryan WhitneyI'm hammering the Vegas Golden Knights at home whenever their opponent has a night off in Vegas beforehand
Whenever a team has a day in Vegas, I just bet the Golden Knights, and they've been great. People get fucked up there. In Vegas? No. It's an 82-game season. You get there, you're just going to rip it up.
Ryan WhitneyTampa Bay is going to win the Stanley Cup
Tampa's nasty. Tampa's going to win the cup.
Naturally, the conversation shifted to the toughness of hockey players compared to the rest of the world. Whitney wasn't impressed by Gordon Hayward’s season-ending injury, suggesting that a real puck-moving defenseman would have just taped it up and finished the shift.
Ryan WhitneyGordon Hayward would have stayed in the game if he were a hockey player
You gotta think that that Gordon Hayward coming back for the third period if he's a hockey player. I mean you have to snap it back in, dude. He's at least going for the twirl to see if he can give it a go. You tie the skates up real tight. You use a fucking stick as a splint.
He also gave us some scouting reports on the next generation of stars, though he thinks one particular Coyotes rookie might have missed his true calling on the lacrosse field.
Ryan WhitneyCoyotes rookie Clayton Keller is so skilled he should have been a lacrosse player
I'll give you Clayton Keller, and since he's on Phoenix, Arizona Coyotes, nobody will really know him. Clayton Keller. That guy's lacrosse. He should have been a lacrosse player, yeah.
Legal Advice with Mr. Portnoy
Our lawyer, Mr. Portnoy, called in to discuss the important things in life: Curb Your Enthusiasm, his failing health, and why his mail is constantly being singed by the USPS. The conversation turned to Rand Paul’s recent neighborhood dispute, leading Big Cat to propose a new legal standard for suburban lawn maintenance.
Big CatPeople with poorly manicured lawns should be legally liable to be beat up by their neighbors
Isn't there a law out there that's like, I don't know, like just like the being, don't be a shithead neighbor law where if you don't rake your leaves for long enough, your neighbor's allowed to kick the shit out of you? ... If your lawn looks like shit, you are liable to get the shit kicked out of you by someone in your neighborhood.
We also got into the nitty-gritty of the ESPN situation. Mr. Portnoy introduced the guys to the concept of "tort law" and suggested that Barstool might have a very lucrative case on its hands regarding the cancellation of Van Talk.
Mr. PortnoyBarstool would receive a substantial check in the mail if they threatened to sue Sam Ponder for interference with contractual relations
If someone, knowing that you are about to enter into some kind of a business relationship with a third party... attempts to have that contract stopped... That is the very definition of this case, of that tort. ... If somebody from Barstool or you guys wrote a short letter saying we're thinking of suing you for interference with contractual relations, I would guess that'd be a fairly substantial check in the mail within a week.
This led Big Cat to challenge the Ponder household to a classic duel to settle the score once and for all.
Big CatI could take Christian Ponder in a duel because he was a terrible quarterback and he is a beta
I would like to duel Christian Ponder. I actually think I could take him. Yeah, he was a terrible quarterback. He's a beta. I'm a mental alpha.
Embrace Debate and Guys on Chicks
To wrap things up, the guys revisited the 2012 NFL Draft. With Andrew Luck’s shoulder issues becoming a "mental" problem according to Jim Irsay, PFT is officially back on the RGIII train.
PFT CommenterI would take RGIII over Andrew Luck right now because RGIII is healthy
I would take RGIII. He's not injured right now. He has a clean bill of health, and he's got Greta. [Andrew Luck]... Jim Irsay made a comment to me about six weeks ago that it's inside his own head. I'm going to trust Jim Irsay on all matters related to mental health.
Watching the Packers struggle without their leader has only solidified Big Cat's stance on who the real MVP of the league is. Seeing Brett Hundley look lost on Monday Night Football made the value of a certain collarbone very apparent.
Big CatAaron Rodgers is the best quarterback in the NFL because the Packers are trash without him
The Packers' Monday Night Football performance just proves, and I've said it for a long time... Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback in the NFL because that team sucks without him. He makes everything good. And you put Brett Hundley in there and they look like a shell of themselves.
PFT CommenterA groggy Aaron Rodgers post-surgery would be a better quarterback than Brett Hundley
I honestly do believe that Aaron Rodgers, still groggy from surgery, would be a better option at quarterback than Brett Hundley. [Hundley] was so bad. [The Packers] look like a shell of themselves.
We ended with a very graphic edition of Guys on Chicks that covered everything from "pee-ups" to IUDs, leaving everyone a little more confused about human anatomy than when we started.
If you see a neighbor with a bad lawn today, just remember it's legally your right to intervene.
