Takes

Employers have much more legal leeway if they don't pay their interns

If they're not getting paid, all right, and they're not employees, right? Well, you better stop [paying them] right away... you have a lot more leeway if you're not paying them.

NPR's pledge drives are a form of extortion

One of the big things now is if you'll give a donation, we will stop soliciting money. It's extortion. In other words, they're on there with some kind of meaningless promotion... and their attitude is, you want us to stop, right? Give us some money.

The San Antonio Spurs are dead

And the San Antonio Spurs are dead. Dead. D-E-D. A-D. Dead. Manslaughtered, as Greg Popovich would say.

Isaiah Thomas should be called 'Mizea' because he only cares about his own stats

I call him Mizea instead of Isaiah because he just cares about his own stat line.

Scott Brooks is still an awful coach in big games

Scott Brooks, kind of a good coach. And then, like, they watched him in the playoffs... Oh, yeah, Scott Brooks. Oh, yeah, he's still awful. Oh, shit, he just tried to play John Wall and Bradley Beal 24 minutes in a game seven in the second half. Like, oh, yeah. Turns out he is a shitty coach still.

War for the Planet of the Apes will be one of the best pictures of the year

Planet of the Apes, going to be one of my best pictures of the year.

John Wooden could not have coached in the current one-and-done era

I don't think Coach Wooden could have coached in this era because he wanted us to graduate. He wanted us to become educated and learn some moral lessons and how to deal with the people that you care about in meaningful ways.

Banning the dunk ruined the game for basketball fans

I thought [the dunk being banned] was just made to deal with me... But no, it ruined the game for the fans. So that wasn't smart.

I could have played two or three more years in the NBA if we had used chartered planes instead of flying commercial

If they had started chartering planes when I played, I could have played two or three more years. Flying commercial all the time... You have to wake up and catch the first flight out the next day. That wears you out, man. It's horrible.

LeVar Ball's exploitation of his son Lonzo is bothersome

I don't know what [Lonzo Ball] is all about up here because of his dad. His dad gives me the willies. Parents like that really bother me, just trying to exploit their kids like that.

James Harden can reset his entire image and 'bad boy' reputation whenever he wants just by shaving his beard

James Harden has an automatic out whenever he wants. He just shaves his beard and he's like, 'Who are you guys talking about? That other guy?'... I'm clean cut now, so turn over a new leaf. I've changed my whole image. That's actually a good way to, if you're a bad boy, just grow the beard out so that you can always get that get out of jail free and shave the beard.

Peyton Manning hosting the ESPYs will not be good

I feel like this is going to suck, but... what do I know? Unless they just have him on stage drilling those Boys and Girls Club in the face with the footballs. He should just do that for like two hours.

Derek Jeter's face is starting to look like a baseball glove

He's slowly becoming a member of the Fat Face Club in retirement. That face, it's starting to get basketball shaped a little bit... His face looks like a baseball glove now.

I am sick of the internet's obsession with everything Greg Popovich does

I'm sick of Greg Popovich... It's the fact that everything he does, everyone says is incredible. Like Greg Popovich is a dick to a reporter. Oh, that's Greg Popovich. He's so funny. He tells it like it is... I hate how everything he does gets applauded by the internet.

A Nashville vs. Ottawa Stanley Cup Final is the 'Gregg Popovich-ing' of the NHL

If it is Ottawa versus Nashville... It's going to be the Gregg Popovich-ing of the NHL. It's like, actually, these are two awesome hockey teams, and you guys should be paying attention to it.

A Stanley Cup Final between Ottawa and Nashville will be a boring burden for hockey fans

If it is Ottawa versus Nashville. The burden on hockey Twitter to try to make us think that this is a meaningful Stanley Cup final is going to be hilarious to watch... It's going to be the Greg Popovich-ing of the NHL. It's like, actually, these are two awesome hockey teams, and you guys should be paying attention to it.

New college graduates have a 4-6 year window of 'mulligans' where making mistakes doesn't matter

There's an old saying, make your mistakes early in life. And 22 years old is basically as early as it gets because that's when your real life starts. So you have basically four to six years of mulligans.

Stephen A. Smith claiming James Harden was drugged is a transparent attempt to brag about his contacts

After the James Harden game six incident, [Stephen A. Smith] went on the air and he said that he had five Hall of Famers text him saying they thought James Harden was drugged... No one cares about that. It's five Hall of Famers text Stephen A. Smith. That's big stuff.

The Spurs always successfully find the right veterans to fit their system

Actually, [the Spurs] are a team that just it's like a revolving door of talent. They always bring in the right pieces and the right guys to fit the system. And no matter how old or you might think they are, they might be getting guys that are on the tail end of their careers are still able to do and play at a high level.

Kevin Durant joining the Warriors didn't change the mindset because they were already the team to beat

When [Durant] went there, I think it surprised everybody... but it's the same mindset. You already knew Golden State was the team to beat, and now they're still the team to beat with Kevin Durant. So the mindset didn't change. It was how are we going to beat them.

My Mount Rushmore of all-time teammates includes Greg Oden, Marc Gasol, Zach Randolph, and Rudy Gay

I'd probably have to say Greg [Oden] for one... Marc Gasol... Honestly, I think Zeebo, Zach Randolph for sure... My fourth might be like Rudy Gay. He was a good teammate.

The best way to die is choking on a good meal after the Super Bowl so you don't have to go to work

I think it would be cool to probably choke. I think choking on a good meal would be good... I want to choke the day after the Super Bowl before I have to go into work.

The Capitals will never win anything with Alex Ovechkin

The Capitals continually disappoint you. You know that they're never going to do anything with Ovechkin.

D.C. is a loser town

Say what you want about Dan Snyder. They always compare the D.C. teams because D.C. is a loser town. I agree with that 100%. You can't really make an argument against that.

I am not confident about the Celtics playing the Cavaliers in the Eastern Conference Finals

I'm not really going to act like I'm super confident about playing the Cavs.

If a woman approaches me at a bar, she definitely has a hidden angle

I've conditioned myself to think that if a woman approaches me, she definitely, no matter what she talks about, she has an angle. It does not compute to me that a girl wants to talk to me because she's interested in having a conversation with me.

Professional athletes who are 'disability check fat' like Bartolo Colon are the best

Jim Brockmire's favorite is Bartolo Colon. Because you have to love any professional athlete that is very nearly disability check fat.

A franchise's failure is caused by either a curse or a lack of the 'clutch gene'

It comes down to two things. It's either a curse or the franchise doesn't have the clutch gene. As an announcer, those are the two things that you have to talk about.

The NFL letting players take pain pills while banning weed is hypocritical

Good thing that they keep giving everyone all those pain pills and everything like that. There's a difference. Weed's addictive. [Sarcastic] You can only buy pain pills from large pharmaceutical companies who usually have the consumer's best interest in mind.

Roger Goodell punishing Josh Gordon by not letting him play for the Browns is actually doing him a favor

Telling a player that your punishment is that you don't have to play for the Cleveland Browns is probably a little bit misguided. So, like, hey, good for Josh. He doesn't have to be a Brown.

MJ is the greatest of all time

As much as I obviously don't want to get in the debate because I obviously everyone knows where I stand. MJ, greatest of all time.

Athletes injured outside their sport should be forced to play that other sport until they get a 'sports-related' injury

I've always said that if you get injured in a manner outside of the sport that you play, you should be forced to continue playing the sport until you develop a sports-related injury... keep skating out there until it devolves into a massive hockey injury.

The NBA Eastern Conference is boring and predictable because of LeBron James

I haven't watched a single Eastern Conference game in full because it's so boring and it's so predictable and it's just going to be LeBron James ducking his head, driving to the hole... getting fouled, making the layup half the time, and the other time crying because he didn't get fouled.

The Golden State Warriors are unlikable because of Steph Curry, Klay Thompson, and Steve Kerr

I don't like Steph. He's a baby back bitch. Yeah, yeah. Klay Thompson's got a fucked up goatee. Steve Kerr's milking it. [With] spinal fluid. Yeah.

I love Draymond Green's evolution into a master troll

Draymond Green I'm really liking what he's doing he's become such a master troll not only with the Kelly Olynyk call out where he just randomly said he's a dirty player he also has been trolling jazz fans... I love players that just never forget rivalries.

Kelly Olynyk is a very dirty player

Kelly's a very dirty player. Well, he's dirty looking. I think that's what [Draymond] meant... He's the guy who, when you play pick up hoops, he's going to elbow you in the face getting a rebound.

I would have beaten the Jazz if I hadn't injured my foot

Second, I probably was lashing out because it was probably right... I'm just assuming it was right after a Bulls loss. [Big Cat] Third... You were probably gambling on some of the games. [Big Cat] Because you guys were going to win that series against the Jazz if you hadn't stubbed your toe like you did. [Big Cat] I stubbed my foot.

Kawhi Leonard is my favorite player to watch in the playoffs

Favorite player in the playoffs? To watch, like, Kawhi, probably.

The San Antonio Spurs are a tougher matchup for the Warriors than the Houston Rockets

I can't not put my money on the Spurs. They're just like that team that always finds a way to get wins. Not saying they're going to win, but to get a win for sure, I think I'd have to go Spurs.

The 2008 Celtics are right to be upset with Ray Allen

I mean, it is a good point. I mean, guys that you've been with for a long time or that you've won with or lost with or struggled with and gone through those ups and downs, I mean, I think it is a good point to keep that communication and not just say, okay, well, I'm on a different team now, so I'm done.

The Cavaliers only won the 2016 NBA Finals because of Draymond Green's suspension and Andrew Bogut's injury

I really don't think Cleveland wins if Draymond doesn't get suspended and Bogut doesn't get hurt. So sometimes you've got to have, like, a little luck in the playoffs. Not to say that Cleveland didn't deserve to win. I think they did... But, I mean, it's just – you can't really decide, like, who's going to win the finals until you actually get to that point.

The Washington Wizards are a tougher matchup for the Cavaliers than the Boston Celtics

If you were on the Cavs, which team would you less like to face... I'd say probably Wizards. John Wall is so tough in transition. Isaiah is great, but John Wall is just so tough in transition.

The viral photo of a man humping a shark was just 'guys being guys'

It was either him or me situation. For Jim McElwain or his doppelganger on that boat. It's like I either had to fuck that shark. Or the shark was going to die, so it died, so I fucked it... [it's] guys being guys.

The Eastern Conference is hilariously weak

The Eastern Conference is so hilarious. I don't want to say that it's a weak conference overall. [But] it kind of is. It always seems the teams that LeBron gets to play in the first two rounds are always those red teams... and they're the easiest teams in the world to sweep through.

The Raptors are a joke of a franchise

I got a little heat back from my take the other day that the Raptors are just a joke of a franchise. I don't mean it in a mean way. It's just facts are facts. When you think of the Raptors, you think of Vince Carter winning a dunk title and then getting swept.

An NBA series doesn't actually start until the road team wins a game

Everyone's going to win on their home court... The series technically hasn't started unless the road team wins. [Big Cat]: That's when the series starts.

John Daly's career has been awesome and if you think otherwise you're a hater

My favorite take is when people say, oh, what a shame, John Daly's career. He really could have had it all. John Daly has had it all. His career actually has been awesome. If you think otherwise, then you're just a hater.

I don't care about PETA shaming; I'm going to keep loving horse racing and losing money

My who's back... is people who want to shame us for enjoying horse racing... horse racing is in fact bad. They're whipping the horses... I don't care. Keep trying to shame me. PETA people. That's fine. I'm going to lose my money. I'm going to have fun. And I'll do it all again.

The Volkswagen commercial with the grandmother and the ashes is fake and manipulative

Volkswagen... they're like, well, we'll just put a really sappy story where a bunch of kids cry and an old grandmother, and we'll put some Simon and Garfunkel behind it, and everyone will say, oh my God, Volkswagen, they're so nice. Don't fall for it.

80% of MLB players in the '90s would have preferred greenies over steroids

To me, if you ask guys in that era or ask guys now, would they rather have steroids or greenies, I guarantee you it would be 80-20 greenies.