Takes

Xander Schauffele had a better year than Scottie Scheffler

Xander is now—I like, you can't say that Xander hasn't had a better [year]. I know Scotty has all these wins on the tour. Two majors to one. That's it. Xander had the better year.

Joe Biden's exit from the 2024 race is the political version of a coach being fired after making the tournament

The whole Biden thing. Is he—he now is just that coach who got fired at Long Beach State and then made the tournament. That's what's happening. He's going to ride it out. He's going to coach the bowl game.

Joe Biden's political situation is identical to a backup quarterback entering a game

It is kind of like the backup quarterback situation. Kamala, are you really ready to see Trevor Siemian start? Let's go until he steps up and then throws three picks in the first half and you're like, 'fuck, I kind of miss Zach Wilson.'

Gelato is the superior form of frozen treat

I'm gonna go gelato one, then I'm gonna go soft serve two, then ice cream, then frozen yogurt. Every day, every single day, if I'm out of the office, if I'm in a different city, you bet your sweet ass I'm getting gelato there.

Frozen yogurt is the Brock Purdy of ice creams

I would say frozen yogurt is the Brock Purdy of ice creams. You can win with it. Where ideally would you take it number one? Probably not. But you get all the great toppings on it and it becomes great.

Major League Baseball is actively suppressing local investment to force the A's to Las Vegas

Major League Baseball has allegedly been telling [Oakland investors] that they're not allowed to talk about their interest because they want the A's to move to Vegas so badly. Major League Baseball is saying don't talk about it publicly... If you do, we're going to prevent you from investing in any other teams in the future. It just stinks to high heaven.

NFL training camp is officially back because Lamar Jackson has diarrhea

The only other thing I had was Lamar has diarrhea again. Yeah. That's how we know football's officially back. Lamar Jackson missed the first day of training camp. He had to be sent home because his butt hurt.

Arikke Ogunbowale and the rookie class proved Team USA made a mistake leaving them off the Olympic roster

Arikke [Ogunbowale]... 34 points, six assists, eight from 13 from three. And she should have been on the team, very much should have been. [Caitlin Clark] got picked up full court by Kelsey Plum, face guarded her, and still got past her and threw a dime. Team USA like took it personally.

The Egyptian pyramids are much older than conventional history suggests

I'm wearing the Graham Hancock camp as far as like that the age of those structures is much older than they tell us. I'd like—I mean he talks a lot about the Younger Dryas and going back 10,800 years I believe it is. And to me that seems more in line.

Politics in the US is a sham where nothing ever changes

Politics I've said from the beginning is an absolute sham. Life doesn't actually get better for any of us, whether it's a Republican or a Democrat. And we're still just doing the same fucking two party system and not letting Bobby [Kennedy] get in or anybody else.

The US should have a 70 or 75-year-old age limit for political office

But just some common sense politics. Let's not let anybody over 75—the Packers have a rule, 70, you gotta retire. You go into a board of directors, it's 70, you gotta retire. That seems to make pretty good sense.

The New York media is unethical and prioritizes control

The media in general is scared of people that they can't control. Because they built this brand that can't be controlled. I would say the majority of them too are so unethical. The practices now is just a fucking joke.

The Bears are better 'on paper' than the Packers heading into the 2024 season

[I think the Bears are better than Green Bay] on paper. We're talking about on paper. I'm talking about paper. I agree with you, we're unproven, but I love—I love that Ryan Poles has, it feels like they've built a team.

I'm 'too fat' to go by Matt, so use Matthew instead

I'd prefer Matthew. I think I'm a little too fat for Matt. I think Matt's, you know, last six months, they've probably gotten laid.

I'm officially 'washed' after struggling in the home run derby

Tuesday night we hit dingers... but I think I'm officially, officially washed because... I was halfway through the whole competition and I looked at the leaderboard and it was like me, Titus, Chief, Brandon... every guy who's 37 plus. I was maxing out everything I had and it wasn't that good.

LeBron James is only the 10th best basketball player in the world right now

We're gonna start with number 10. The old man himself. The man who's done it before and he'll do it again. LeBron James.

Kyrie Irving is the best ball handler in the world

Number eight, a guy who arguably maybe shouldn't be on this list... but he's probably the best ball handler in the world. Magical. Some say Kyrie Irving.

A'ja Wilson is as much better than the second best WNBA player as Patrick Mahomes is compared to other QBs in the playoffs

The gap [between A'ja Wilson and the second best woman] is as long as, as strong as, as big as Patrick Mahomes to the second best quarterback in football during the playoffs. Specifically the playoffs.

Russell Westbrook is a bad fit for the Denver Nuggets

He went to the nuggets today. So he went, he went to the jazz, they bought the contract out. And then he goes to the Nuggets. I don't like that fit on the nuggets either.

Victor Hovland sucks

Victor Hovland sucks. That was a bad decision by us with the whole death thing. And then he was eating ice cream. That sucked. This is a tough course.

Links golf is never fun to watch

it just never seems fun. When I watch it, I'm like, what? This, the wind is always blowing. It's overcast. There's huge bunkers. It just doesn't seem fun.

The Open Championship is the worst sporting event to attend as a fan

it looks like the worst event to go to as a fan, as a spectator. Just sitting out in the rain, in the wind the whole time.

Meatball salad is an excellent Italian staple

I'm gonna go mushrooms... I always pick meatball. Great salad. Meatball salad is an excellent salad. It's an Italian thing. Meatball salad.

Pineapple absolutely belongs on pizza

I fucking love pineapple on pizza. I love pineapple with, with barbecue chicken on a pizza... At what point did it become a thing where people are like, pineapple doesn't belong on pizza?

Teams that play hard are guaranteed to stay in the game

There was a veteran coach at Ohio State... he said, 'man, your guys would play hard.' I didn't realize how good that felt when he said 'your guys play hard.' So I always try to carry that through. If you play hard, you're gonna be in the game.

I would not lose to Luke Fickell in a street fight

I do not believe if it was a street fight that I would lose to [Luke Fickell]. [Even though he's an elite wrestler], that is not a sanctioned wrestling event. I'm intimidating. I'm bigger than him. I would not lose.

Bill Belichick's football knowledge is great for media and TV

I think there's just so much knowledge there and the way that he can articulate it and he explains it. And those are, when I watched him briefly in those media opportunities, that's what we felt like. That's kind of what we got in a team meeting was this overall history of football.

The NBA is better for basketball fans when the Knicks are doing well

it's better for basketball if the Knicks are doing well, it's better for basketball. Same with hockey. If the Rangers go well. Brunson is out. Amazing. And I met him at a game and he's such a nice guy.

Most people are full of shit and lie just to make themselves seem more interesting

I think everybody's lying to you... just think that everybody's full of shit. And most people are. I mean, you a lot of times you go and you start talking to people. If they're at a party, people start bragging... they're already lying because you're trying to be entertaining, you're trying to sound interesting. So a lot of things that people are saying to you are gonna be false.

There is a unique thrill and rush to sneaking into places without paying

It's a absolutely. You have a rush. There's something about it. There's something about not paying for something and getting away with it. And you gotta see something. That was amazing seeing Game seven of the Stanley Cup. I met Jordan at his double nickel game.

The Home Run Derby is officially dead

The Home Run Derby is officially dead. And here's why... the Home Run Derby has lost its luster. The Juice Ball Home Run Derby. The way the format was set, the Home Run Derby is dead because all it took was one horrific national anthem to steal the night.

Alex Ovechkin being ranked 54th on ESPN's Top 100 Athletes list is disrespectful to hockey

That Ovy [Alex Ovechkin] is so far down. Like Hank said, it's disrespectful to hockey, it's disrespectful to the entire country of Russia. The man is about to surpass Wayne Gretzky for the top goal scorer of all time in the NHL.

Bronny James is not currently a professional-level basketball player.

The way that he said, 'I don't think Bronny's a pro' isn't that bad for [Jalen Brown] because it's also not wrong. He's not a pro. Which is probably an accurate [statement].

Human beings just become worms after they die

I think what happens after you die is you get eaten by worms. We all just become worms.

Stephen A. Smith officially won the Skip Bayless divorce

Stephen A. Smith has won the Skip Bayless-Stephen A. Smith divorce. It took a few years to get there... Skip is out at Fox Sports I believe at the end of the summer... he goes off, does his own podcast, gets 5 trillion views on it. Works for ESPN, seems to be having a good time.

Seasons three through eight of The Simpsons are the best television ever made.

I think Seasons three through eight on The Simpsons are the best TV ever made.

Jameis Winston is a great player who doesn't get enough credit for how good he is.

The one thing I love about Jameis is he doesn't get enough credit for just how good of a player he is. Because he is hilarious, he's a funny teammate, he has all the sound bites... but he's a great player.

My brother David Carr is way more talented than I am.

I go back and I'm like, dude, like [David Carr] is way more talented than I am. He's 240, you know, runs a 4.6, throws the ball 85 yards. Like genius smart... he never felt football like [New York] since college. Of course you think, man, what if he was in a different situation?

Taysom Hill is a Hall of Fame football player

Taysom Hill is the best football player I've ever played with... that man is a Hall of Fame football player. He does everything. Throws, runs, catches, fullback, quarterback, tight end, receiver, slots, punts, blocks, punts, personal protector.

The Open Championship is essentially a 'Snow Game' in football terms

The open is a snow game. There's just so much unpredictability involved in a snow game. Maybe you can throw the ball, maybe you gotta run it. You don't know if you can depend on your kicker at all. That's what I look at here.

Jalen Brunson taking a massive pay cut is the coolest move possible for a fan

Pretty much the coolest move you can do if you're a fan of the Knicks. I don't think players, I think players should get what they're worth, but I wouldn't complain if our were Knicks fan right now that he just left 113 million on the table to make his team better and hope and deliver a championship to the Knicks.

I will not celebrate a Team USA gold medal if the semi-final or final games are within 10 points

I'm gonna say right now I will not, I'm not okay with just a gold medal. I want domination. I want utter domination... I will not be celebrating a gold medal if we win the semi-finals—if the semi-finals or the finals games are within 10 points. Either of them. I will not be celebrating this gold medal.

I want to see the US Men's Basketball team dominate the Olympics like the 1992 Dream Team

I want to see domination. Like the original dream team. That's the statement. Where you don't use a timeout at all. Just mow them down.

MVP Baseball 2005 is the greatest baseball game ever created

MVP Baseball 2005 was the greatest baseball player—was MVP Baseball? Yeah. The greatest baseball game. I think '04 as well was very good... those two versions were so, so elite.

My brief stint with the Rams saved my NFL career

Going to LA just for that like last five games of the year was so unbelievable for me. Like getting a fresh start... it brought the fun back and like, that's when I'm having fun, talking trash, enjoying it. Like that's when I'm at my best and yeah. I, I needed that.

Mike Evans is a top 5 receiver of all time if he plays a few more years

If he plays three, four more years the way he's been playing, he's a top five receiver of all time. No he is... he's had 10 seasons in a row of a thousand yards. And he's the consistent one. Right. And like he doesn't get that recognition.

The USMNT will never be great until the players care enough to fight fans in the stands

The United States will never be great at soccer until our players care enough to go into the stands and fight people from other countries. It just means more. That somehow a Malice at the Palace situation... these guys just fucking care about soccer.

Kyrie Irving and Jaylen Brown are clearly better basketball players than Derrick White

Obviously Derrick White's a great player... but if we're talking on pure talent, Kyrie and [Jaylen Brown] are better than Derrick White.

The EA Sports College Football 25 release will change how everyone deals with the summer

Ea Sports College football's out [next week]... It's the most anticipated video game I think release ever. It's gonna change how summer's dealt with.

The Pirates should have let Paul Skenes try to finish his no-hitter despite the pitch count

Paul Skeens threw a no hitter through seven innings... 99 [pitches]. Took him out before he got to a hundred. I get it. But also, fuck that... put 'em out there for the eighth inning. See if he can get out of it in 10 pitches.