Takes

Mekhi Becton's shattered kneecap could be good for his career

I think maybe this time will do him well, mature, and we'll see him this year. The shattered kneecap could be really good for his NFL career is what I'm trying to say, trying to be optimistic.

The New York Jets are an absolute wagon this year

My hot seat is the AFC East today. I visited Jets camp and I have to say they are all totally on the hot seat because the Jets are an absolute wagon. And their offense looked electric. Seriously.

Elijah Moore is a step above everybody else in the NFL

I saw [Elijah Moore] today in person and he was making grabs all over the field. It was like, that guy is a different kind of player. Like he's a step above everybody else.

The mob deserves a better reputation because they built Las Vegas

The mob, shout out the mob. Mob gets a bad rep. They built Las Vegas for us. That's a fact. Say what you will about the mob. They built Las Vegas. Okay.

One of the hosts must die before Pardon My Take splits up

I already said that one of us just has to die before we split up. So just remember that part. ... Bands split up, like things, you know, like this happens. Teams split up. I feel like we're just so new to podcasting that like the podcast split up haven't really... we've had Desus and Mero. One of us will die. Promise you that.

Climbing Mount Everest is now effectively 'glamping'

Everest is also kind of glamping nowadays. No, I mean, but that actually makes it worse for him because Everest is not even cool anymore. Everyone climbs Everest. I remember when Everest was like, oh, don't climb Everest. You'll fucking die. Now everyone fucking climbs Everest. There's like huge lines. Yep.

The James Webb telescope images are fake and look like a lava lamp

Those images... are freaking me out... but that could also just be some fucking scientists lava lamp and they just send it out and they're like, check this out guys... I did see this picture and I just said that's fake.

Dan Snyder will finally be convicted of perjury this year

This is the year sir resign, sir. I'd like to see old Dan Snyder wiggle his way out of this one... I will find a way that he is committing perjury. I will find it. I will, I will get Dan Snyder convicted on perjury somehow some way.

The New York Yankees will win the 2022 World Series

Congratulations to the New York Yankees winners of the 2022 world series. Congratulations guys.

N'Keal Harry will be a stud and a weapon for Justin Fields

My cool throne is the bears are back because we got N'Keal Harry who he's awesome... another weapon for Justin Fields. N'Keal Harry, he's going to be a stud he's first round draft pick.

The Derek Jeter documentary will be boring because athletes produce their own content

Documentaries that are made by the people just suck... When you have you need to have a neutral third party director for these documentaries or as they're all like the same... Derek Jeter's going to do that thing where he's like you guys, I was famously private... now I'm going to, and it's just not going to be anything.

Nuclear-powered 'air cruises' are fake and would definitely crash

It's a plane cruise. Yeah. It's like a massive, massive, massive, bigger than whatever name like four aircraft carriers... 20 electric engines powered by nuclear fusion. I'm just going to say this. If this is real, I will absolutely laugh when it crashes and everyone dies. There's no way to test fly this until you actually make the real thing.

The NHL beat writer who celebrated with the Stanley Cup should be fired for a lack of integrity

There was a Colorado Avalanche beat writer that picked up the Stanley Cup and celebrated with the team and called it one of the best nights of his life. And frankly he should be executed. Yeah. Send him to the LIV tour. They should chop his head off. That's not what journalism is supposed to be in America. It's supposed to be fearless truth tellers, impartial scribes.

Neon is officially back this summer

I feel like this summer neon is back. The eighties are coming back. Like for real, it's going to be crazy... I do think that this is the summer where everyone's like, man, finally COVID is over. We're going to do neon now. And look, it's been enough time where you can look at us. Neon looks good if you have a tan, it just does.

John Wall will be a great player as soon as he leaves the Rockets

He's still a good player, right? He's totally healthy now. Yes, he has no lingering foot injuries. He's back. I feel like he's going to be a great player as soon as he gets off the Rockets.

Pirates shortstop O'Neil Cruz is the most electric player in baseball

This guy might be the most electric player I've ever seen in my life. 6'7" he's a shortstop. He ran 31.5 miles per hour. Hardest throw by an infielder in Major League Baseball this year, he threw a ball from shortstop to first 96.7 miles per hour. I am buying all my stock and O'Neil Cruz right now.

Little Caesars pizza is trash and barely counts as pizza

Little Caesars is trash. It is trash. People forget... Caesars are just trash. It's like not pizza.

Zach Wilson is looking extra crispy in Jets training camp

Cool throne, Zach Wilson has been having great training camp. He went for nine 11 on 11 drills. So we're saying that he's looking extra crispy in camp. It's a pretty serious.

The new iMessage 'undo send' feature will empower gaslighters

The iMessage app in iOS 16 is getting a new undo send feature as well as the ability to edit chats. You've already sent in. Mark threads is unread. So rip to all the young people out there who are going to be getting gaslighted or say, like, I never said that.

Deshaun Watson should not be allowed to play in 2022 until the civil suits are resolved

I'm about ready to say, like I've seen enough and that I feel like Deshaun Watson should not be allowed to play this year until, until they figure out what's going to happen with the civil suits, because this is now 24 women. And with like strikingly similar details about what's happening.

Patrick Mahomes is already underpaid

When I first saw this, I thought like, Patrick Mahomes is already kind of underpaid. Oh yeah. So he signed that $500 million contract. What, two, three years ago. And it's crazy to say with a $500 million contract, but if you look at what the other big money being spent around the league is going to right now, it's like, you could very much make the argument that Patrick Mahomes should not have signed that deal.

Dipping Oreos in water is better than dipping them in milk

I brought forward to the world, the art of dipping your Oreos and water, essentially washing them taste delicious, better than milk.

Indianapolis is the best city for the NFL Combine and it should never move

It is the best city for it. We, they should never move it from Indy. It's perfectly set up for it.

The Arizona Cardinals' Hard Knocks season will be fun because the team will fall apart

The beginning of this, the hard knocks will be all cheery and awesome. And then everything will fall apart and it will be fun to watch.

The best career move for a backup QB is to have one great game and then immediately get injured

When you're a backup quarterback in the NFL, the best thing you can do is have an awesome game and then immediately get injured and secure your like status as an NFL quarterback for 10 years.

Coach K's $14 million salary proves he was never 'just doing it for the kids'

Coach K... it was revealed that he made $14 million last year... It proves yet again, what coach K said was true when he was, you know, flirting with the NBA. And he said, the allure of coaching in college has no price... He shouldn't also pretend that he's like getting paid nothing. And he just is there for the kids. I have no problem with him making 14 million. I have a problem with him being like, I'm just here for the kids. I do this shit for free.

Jack Nicklaus' name is pronounced Jack 'Nick-Klaus' because of his German ancestry

Jack Nicklaus [pronounced Nick-Klaus like Santa Claus]... He rejected a hundred million dollars to not go to the Saudi golf league... I've only read his name. I only know... because I always watch golf on mute... Nikolaos. Changed it to make it [more American].

The iPod is the greatest Apple product ever invented

I was talking shit about Apple products last week. This is probably the greatest Apple product ever invented, but they announced today that they're discontinuing the iPod.

Andrew Luck was never an elite quarterback because he ordered chicken at a steakhouse

Andrew Luck because I think you guys told me this, that when you went to the steakhouse St. Elmo's Steakhouse in Indianapolis, he doesn't eat steak, eats chicken. Correct. And that's how you knew he was not going to be an elite quarterback.

EA Sports FIFA is dead because of the rebranding to EA Sports FC

EA Sports and FIFA are dead. 2023. It's been rebranded as EA Sports FC.

John Sterling has become a parody of himself and needs to retire from the Yankees booth

My hot seat is John Sterling. I think this is a bit at this point... he's blind. For the third time, it wasn't even close. He needs to quickly make the decision so he can say that he's retiring... it's getting like late Francessa where if you become a parody of yourself.

It's impossible to tell if Hugh Jackson was intentionally throwing games or just being Hugh Jackson

The NFL just conducted an investigation to Hugh Jackson's claims that he was paid to throw games and they concluded that. No, it's literally impossible to tell whether or not Hugh Jackson was intentionally losing games or if he was just being Hugh Jackson... there's not a jury in the world that would convict him of doing anything intentionally.

Getting hit in the nuts is worse than childbirth

Women don't realize that childbirth is not that hard when you've gotten hit in the nuts. Your balls feel like they're going to explode and your stomach feels like it's going to cave inside of itself. It's like having all of your periods at once.

NBA players who get hit in the nuts should get a free shot to kick the offender back

If you get a flagrant one, you should get to kick the guy in the balls back in center court. How awesome would that be for fans? Tonight, I might see a guy just get smoked in the nuts.

Reds fans should defecate in the Toyota Tundra at the stadium to protest the owner

A Reds fan posted yesterday saying... 'I will be scaling the wall to defecate in the bed of the Toyota Tundra.' I just liked that Reds fans are fighting back. This is how you fight... maybe it will make people go shit in their trucks.

High taxes in Minnesota and Canada prevent their NHL teams from landing top free agents

My cool throne is Minnesota and Canada. The reason why they can't land good free agents to make their hockey teams good is because of taxes.

The upcoming Drake and Taylor Swift collaboration will be played into the ground all summer

My hot seat is the charts, the radio this summer... Drake posted a picture with Taylor Swift, which means go, I'm going to be a song coming, which means it's going to get, it'll probably be a good song, but it will get murdered into the ground and just played in for it everywhere.

I'm bringing the Stanley Cup to Canada by betting on the Flames and the Maple Leafs

My other cool throne is Canada because I've decided I put a future on the Calgary flames. I'm going to bring a cup to Canada personally... Leafs and flames... I just want to bring a cup to the fine people of Canada because I'm sick of them not having a cup.

Chicken salad is disgusting

Chicken salad is disgusting... That's just mayonnaise... That may be an unpopular opinion. That may be my calamari.

Dan Snyder is finished as an NFL owner because he took money from other owners

I think Dan Snyder has done. I think that motherfucker is done... it's been proven through the other books that have been released now, the documents that have been sent to Congress, that he was taking money out of the pockets of Jerry Jones out of all the other owners. And if there's one thing like you can have 40 sexual harassment claims against you. If you take money from the other owners, that's when they're going to do something about it.

LeBron James is a coach killer who has gotten six coaches fired

LeBron has been freed of another coach... LeBron has gotten six coaches fired in his career... I don't know why we don't talk about LeBron James as a coach killer more because Frank Vogel got overall raw deal.

Robot umpires will ruin the fun of complaining about baseball

That's been my take for a very long time. That robot ops will ruin everything because then we won't get to have guys like Joe West that we can complain about, right?

Elon Musk's involvement with Twitter will be good for trolls and memes

I think [Elon Musk] just going to make it easier for trolls online. I think he likes trolls. He likes memes. He likes trolls. I think this is good for us. Happy to see old Elon getting on board.

St. Peter's has a chance to become a small-school powerhouse like Gonzaga

I actually think [St. Peter's] have a chance to become like one of these small school powerhouses that ends up like a Gonzaga. Seriously, like they'll make runs with... now that the school has had such an increase in enrollment and increase [in funding].

The Will Smith slap of Chris Rock was fake because Will Smith taught a kid how to fake slap a month prior

There's a video out of will Smith a month ago, teaching a kid how to fake slap. I don't know if you guys see this on TMZ... I'm just saying, you know, it looks like a guy who's been practicing slapping.

It would be 'fucking hilarious' if the US Men's National Soccer Team loses by 6 goals and misses the World Cup

If the U.S. team loses by six goals tonight then they don't automatically qualify... I as a giant U.S. men's national team soccer fan, I can admit that if they lose by six goals tonight and don't qualify, that is fucking hilarious. I hope either they win or they lose by six or more goals tonight.

LeBron James has it in his contract that he cannot be shown in Lakers loss photos on Twitter

Every single time the Lakers lose a game and they post the final score on Twitter, they never include a picture of LeBron... I absolutely think this is in his contract. He definitely put this in his contract. So you cannot include me in any lost pictures.

Ken Griffey Jr. is still the sixth highest paid player on the Reds

The reds are on my cool throne, because they're, if you look at their salary this year, they have a hall of Famer as their six highest played player... Ken Griffey Jr. So yeah, the reds are, anytime you get a guy who's been in the hall of fame and retired for like 15 years as your sixth highest paid player, he's getting paid like $4 million till 2024.

Every pro athlete should be allowed to beat up one fan per year

If we just had my rule of every single player in every sport gets to pick out one fan a year and peat every living shit out of him, sports would be more fun.

Urban Meyer's health issues during coaching stints are an ego-driven defense mechanism

I really think that the worst punishment that they could have had for him is not firing them, but just making him continue to coach and lose on the Jaguars... those the the mental issues and like the the fake sicknesses that he would have... his entire ego is built around him being successful and beating people that when there's even just like a small crack in that foundation of him starting to think, maybe you're not as big a winner... he just crumbles.