Takes

If you don't have a good cry every now and then, you're crazy

Listen, if you don't have a good cry every now and then... you're crazy. You gotta cry every now and then... Have I cried when I've been drunk? Hell yeah. I think probably the majority of times that I've cried in the last 10 years, I'd say like 50 to 60% have been while I'm drunk.

Tom Brady looked 'dead' and scared against the Texans.

Tom Brady looked kind of dead tonight. He looked like he was the one seeing ghosts. He was very scared of the Texans' SWAT team linebackers.

The Jets losing to the winless Bengals is a classic 'so Jets' moment.

That was so Jets. That was so, so Jets. ... to have a quarterback who seems like the guy say, we're going to run the table... then go to Cincinnati, an 0-11 team, and score six points and just piss down their leg. I'm sorry, Jets fans. That is so Jets.

Derrick Henry has officially entered the conversation as one of the NFL's top running backs.

This is now a Derrick Henry appreciation podcast. ... Essentially, we get to November and December and people are like, I don't want to tackle that guy anymore. He had 149 yards today, and then in his last 16 games... 1,700 yards, 18 rushing touchdowns. Doesn't get talked about as one of the top backs, but he's up there now.

Mike Tomlin is the NFL Coach of the Year for 2019 because he managed the Steelers circus for years without people knowing.

I'm saying Mike Tomlin's the coach of the year. Because what the Steelers—and we have made fun of Mike Tomlin a lot on this podcast. So I think it's only fair to say when he's doing a great job. ... He actually knew better than anybody else where that locker room was the entire time. ... [PFT]: I would like to go back and retroactively award Coach of the Year to Mike Tomlin for the job that he did last year and the year before, keeping Le'Veon Bell and Antonio Brown somewhat coherently together.

Justin Tucker is worth a first-round pick in a trade.

How much do you think Justin Tucker is worth if you were trying to trade him? ... His value as a kicker is so off the charts. ... And he's worth like he his value is that of a position player in my mind.

Lamar Jackson has a future as a smooth, gravelly singer.

I don't know if you've noticed this, but Lamar Jackson has such a smooth, unusual voice. I want to hear how he sounds when he tries to sing. I think he could have a nice sleepy brown type gravelly sound to his voice.

Wisconsin will never be on the same level as Ohio State in college football.

This is coming from a guy who roots for a team [Wisconsin] that's about to play Ohio State in Indianapolis and knows Wisconsin will never be on Ohio State's level, and that's just reality.

Alabama's dynasty is showing signs of decline because they lack discipline and a kicker.

This is the first time since the college football playoff was invented that they won't be a part of it. ... Saban crying about unfair play. ... Is Alabama's dynasty over? Because they're like uncharacteristically out. ... They never have a good kicker and their defense was abysmal.

The Rams are broken and suffering from a Super Bowl hangover

The Rams definitely, there was a point in that game where they just flat out quit... Their offensive line has been bad. Jared [Goff], obviously, a personal friend... he's got to play better, but the whole team kind of looks a little broken... I think losing the Super Bowl the way they lost it, those kind of things kind of stick with you for a year, and it takes a year to reset it.

Mark Ingram isn't getting enough credit for the Ravens' success

I'm going to say you know who's not getting enough credit is Mark Ingram. And people are going to start talking more about Mark Ingram as people dig further into the Baltimore Ravens. But Mark Ingram is – he runs with authority.

Paul Bunyan's Axe is the best rivalry trophy in college football

I do think, and I'm obviously biased, but I do think Paul Bunyan's axe is up there... It's fucking awesome. It's enormous. It's just a great trophy to have... grab it and you get to hold it up and it's fucking cool. Fake, fake chop down the goalposts, the whole thing.

Being a NASCAR driver is harder than being a podcaster

Oh, it's definitely harder to be a NASCAR driver... What is our physical risk right now?

Pumpkin pie is not on the Mount Rushmore of pies

Pumpkin pie does not make [the Mount Rushmore]... It is in no way on the Mount Rushmore.

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are the Mount Rushmore of Daily Show history

Stewart and Colbert... I think the two that everybody – you bear their fingerprints is either Colbert or Stewart. To me.

LeBron James should have leaned into the 'shut up and dribble' line to handle his China controversy

He should have been like, 'I'm going to shut up and dribble' and reverse it on everyone. He did the worst possible outcome.

The Green Bay Packers defense is not for real

I'm going to continue to consider the Packers semi F word [frauds]. No, because their defense is not for real. And their offense does this thing where you now have two cases of it, the Chargers game and this game. They looked so bad.

Jameis Winston is the most entertaining quarterback in the NFL

I love Jameis Winston... Jameis Winston is one of, if not my favorite, quarterback in the NFL because of the comedy and because you can just always... Do you know he leads the league this year in 300-yard games?

Frank Gore is an absolute Hall of Famer.

The other big story from this game is Frank Gore, third all-time rushing... he needs all the credit in the world for... This is his 15th season. He has led every single team he's been on in rushing in that season. That is insane.

Daniel Jones was definitively a better draft pick than Dwayne Haskins

Are we ready to say that Daniel Jones was definitively a better pick than Dwayne Haskins yet? I think Daniel Jones has more than Dwayne Haskins thus far that I've seen.

The Bengals should draft Chase Young over Joe Burrow with the first overall pick.

Do you take Chase Young if you're the Bengals or do you take Joe Burrow?... I think I would take Chase Young. [PFT: I think so, too].

Michael Thomas should be considered for NFL MVP

I'm ready to hop on board that Michael Thomas should be the MVP... He's done it with two different quarterbacks, and I think that that speaks more. He's kept the Saints afloat by being so steady through Drew Brees' injury, Teddy Bridgewater, and then Drew Brees coming back.

I don't know if Drew Brees still has the arm strength to make the big deep throws necessary to win in the playoffs.

I feel confident in everyone in the Saints except Drew Brees... he's going to have to make a few big-time deep throws. I don't know if he still has it... that's my biggest concern is in a playoff game, in a big-time moment, Drew Brees has to hit an open guy 30 yards down the field. Can he do it?

Carson Wentz is a bad quarterback who just had one good run

I think he's a bad quarterback that has gone through good runs... I think he's been who he is his entire career. He's lost a little bit of his mobility, I think, over the last two years. But I think overall he's a perfectly average quarterback.

Ryan Tannehill is officially 'the guy' and has turned the corner in Tennessee

He is the guy. Change of scenery is all it took for Ryan Tannehill... What we're seeing right now is him taking the next step in front of our very eyes.

Dak Prescott fails to step up and win big games against elite opponents.

Dak Prescott, whenever he plays like a big-time opponent, it feels like he doesn't step up to it... he is 5-13 against winning teams since 2016... The Cowboys defense played well enough to have Dak Prescott win that game for him [against the Patriots].

Dak Prescott is the 'suckiest quarterback that doesn't suck'

He's the suckiest quarterback that doesn't suck... I like Dak Prescott a lot. I think he's a very good quarterback. I think he's a guy you've got to give money to. I just don't - I can't remember the last time he won a big, big game.

I would rather have Dak Prescott as my quarterback than Carson Wentz.

Dak Prescott is better than Carson Wentz... At this point, yeah. I would rather have Dak Prescott.

The NCAA is a 'supervillain' organization for fining players who aren't allowed to earn money.

I applaud the NCAA for figuring out a way to find your players who aren't allowed to be making money and expect them to pay you to come back and play. It's next-level supervillainry, so congratulations for innovation.

Always bet the over when Joe Buck is calling the game

I'll tie this right into our picks for the weekend. It makes me have to take the over in the Cowboys Patriots game... Joe Buck is I'm pretty sure is going to be announcing it... you always bet the over when Buck's calling.

Philip Rivers' winning record in one-possession games is misleading because he turns them into two-possession games at the end

Philip Rivers actually has a winning record in one possession games. The only way I can think of to explain that is he's had so many fourth quarter drives where he has been trailing by one possession, where he's thrown a pick six or an interception that's led to an easy six points or three points on the other end, which makes the final score a two possession game.

Ben Roethlisberger is growing his beard out until he throws another NFL pass

I heard a rumor that Big Ben... is growing that beard out until he throws another NFL pass. How great would that be to have Ben show up for training camp next year with just a full bush?

Ken Jennings is likely a 'soaker' because he's from Utah

I don't know. I think [Ken Jennings] is from Utah. Yeah, so everyone from Utah. I just assumed he soaked. He seems like a guy who soaks.

Joe Biden lost the youth vote by calling marijuana a 'gateway drug'

Joe Biden, he's running to be commander in chief, but he doesn't like weed. He says that it should remain illegal at the federal level because it's a gateway drug. Yeah, so he just lost the youth vote.

The 'OK Boomer' trend is dead because internet users are fighting with straw men

The boomer thing is done. It's too much... there are no baby boomers on Twitter. There's like a few people who write like op-eds in New York Times, but we're really arguing with no one... we have created straw men all around us and we're just whacking at it with a machete.

Booger McFarland is the new Jason Witten for NFL fan criticism

Jason Witten is on my cool throne because the internet has finally come for Booger McFarland. I think Booger had that nice spot where he came in after Jason Witten, so it was like no one was paying attention for a little bit, and now people are starting to listen to what he says... he's getting roasted. The internet is coming for him.

NBA officiating in the playoffs is manipulated to extend series for revenue

When you talk about the way the business was operated and how they were dictating what the referees were calling, especially during the playoffs, I think there's some culpability there... you're not fixing these games, but you're manipulating them for the bottom line of going five, six, and seven games.

James Harden travels are intentionally ignored because the NBA wants the highlights

The thing is that the NBA doesn't want that travel called. And when [James Harden] does travel, and even when it's obvious, they'll come out and say it has something to do with the gather, the Eurostep, the way the rule is written. It's just a bunch of bullshit to protect the fact that nobody called the travel.

The 'full block' on social media is the healthiest way to handle a breakup in 2019

I think that the full block on social media for everything is a healthy way to move on. Because if you break up with someone, you're going to go creeping on their stuff... so to go clean slate, I'm just going to like remove everything. I think that's a healthy way to deal with the breakup.

Matt Nagy is a coward for benching Mitch Trubisky with a 'phantom' hip injury

Matt Nagy, you idiot. You're a coward. He throws Mitch Trubisky under the bus with a phantom hip injury with the last possession of the game, bringing in Chase Daniel. And it is a joke. He's in over his head. He's a clown.

Chase Daniel is the 'sparklessest' quarterback in the history of the NFL

It was a bitch move taking [Trubisky] out there and putting Chase Daniel in to get the world's saddest spark. They were like, I want a spark. Then put literally anyone except for Chase Daniel in. He's the sparklessest quarterback in the history of the NFL.

Dak Prescott is silently getting himself into the MVP conversation

All I know is that Dak Prescott is very, very good and silently getting himself into the MVP conversation. He had 444 yards.

If Matthew Stafford had played, the Lions would have beaten the Cowboys

If Matthew Stafford starts this game, the Lions probably win.

The Bills are a legit team

They beat seven NFL teams. They're legit. The Bills are legit. I looked at their schedule, too. We do this every week with the Bills... I think they're going to win three more games.

The Ravens are the only team in the NFL right now that feels untouchable

The only team right now that feels almost untouchable is the Ravens. Their defense feels like it's completely different than it was to start the year. They made Deshaun Watson look stupid.

The Redskins should draft Tua Tagovailoa

The Redskins should draft Tua. If you draft Tua, you have now two shots at the franchise quarterback situation here because Dwayne Haskins is bad... It's a perfect storm. They could put Tua on ice for a year.

Mason Rudolph is a terrible quarterback and not the guy in Pittsburgh

I wanted to start the show by saying Mason Rudolph has a huge fucking face and is a terrible quarterback and is not the guy in Pittsburgh. And he's the classic quarterback where every time he drops back if you're a Steelers fan or you bet on the Steelers, you're like, oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck only bad things can happen.

Mike Pouncey shouldn't be suspended for fighting Myles Garrett because he was protecting Mason Rudolph

Pouncey shouldn't be suspended by the way because I feel like he should just be like hey that was ride or die and also you shouldn't be suspended because if we're looking out for [Mason Rudolph's] head and concussions, we can't let that offensive line get worse.

Quarterbacks who wear number 2 are generally bad (except for Matt Ryan)

he wears number 2, no good players wear number 2. Matt Ryan is the best player you can probably name that's ever wore number two. It's not a good number. Anything except for 2. I can't think of a good quarterback Matt Ryan is the only one.

Carmelo Anthony has been a hipster his entire career

I'm actually thinking his entire career Carmelo has been a hipster. Yeah. He dropped out of college. I went to go chill in Denver for a while got real high tried to go to New York because that's where all the Arts and stuff are happened... his greatest accomplishments all happen when he was traveling abroad.