Takes

Daniel Jones needs a dumber face if he wants to be the Giants quarterback

Daniel Jones if he's going to be the heir apparent to Eli Manning, he's got to work on his dumb face. He he kept his mouth closed. That's sad open that mouth dude... We need you to walk around with your mouth wide open looking dumb, if you want to be the New York Giants quarterback.

The Cowboys should pay Dak Prescott immediately because the delay is hurting his confidence

I think you should pay him right now. I think that every week they don't know that you go without paying them is a week that he feels deep down inside like he doesn't deserve that contract. So if you give him his money then he starts playing again like a guy that is owed that money.

Getting the new iPhone within the first month of release is a brag

I have a take I hate people who get the new iPhone within the first month. It's such a fucking brag... if you get it right away, then you are the new iPhone guy and then you have to keep doing that. Every time everyone knows the person who gets the new iPhone immediately.

Your morals are only morals until it fucks with your wallet

It's a good life lesson: Your morals are only morals until it fucks with your wallet... The NBA is just showing them like, hey, we go against Trump because it doesn't cost us anything... but if we're talking about people wanting to be free, just kidding, we've got to sell the League Pass to [China].

I am officially done with the Los Angeles Chargers

The Chargers are done. I'm done with the Chargers, they're my done chain of the week. I used to buy into the Chargers hype... I'm done with them. They'll never be what they think they are.

Bill Belichick broke Sean McVay's brain and provided the blueprint for the rest of the NFL

I think the correct way to approach this narrative is, did Bill Belichick break Sean McVay's brain? The books, right now, there's a blueprint out there. This is Copycat League, okay? ... The defenses have caught up to Sean McVay's brain.

I'm staying off social media to avoid cause trouble and responding to chirps

I decided this year, you know what, I'm not going to cause that much trouble on social media. ... I won't be responding [to Trevor Bauer] anymore.

The Dodgers are an absolute wagon

The Dodgers are a wagon. We knew they were a wagon.

The Chicago Cubs' championship window is still open

The window's open. As long as Javi Baez and Kris Bryant are on the team and Anthony Rizzo, the window's open.

The Green Bay Packers' run defense is a major red flag

If you look at the Packers defense... it has regressed run defense wise every single week. That's hard to do to get worse every single week. So their run defense is a major red flag.

Teddy Bridgewater can't throw the ball more than 10 yards down the field

I don't think Teddy Bridgewater can throw the ball more than 10 yards down the field. So I like that under.

Roger Federer is the GOAT of tennis

Federer is a goat. We better not be talking about Novak.

Rapping is only 20% of being successful in the music industry

I think personally, rapping is like 20% of it. And it doesn't mean that you don't have the 100% potential and experience and lyrics and, you know, do what you do. But I feel like people forget about the business side.

The Cincinnati Bearcats' black field prank was a terrible joke

Cincinnati...dying their field black for Friday night's game. I've never been more excited to bet on a team. Turns out they were just kind of like joking... that's not a good joke. Getting everyone excited about it. That's a terrible joke. I was so pumped to watch Cincinnati on an all-black field.

You have to be at least 80 years old to officially die of 'old age'

I would say you have to be over 80 to die of old age. ... Once you pass 80, you can't expect anyone to be sad about your death. That actually is the nice zone.

Adult males who buy baseball pants should be put on a no-fly list

I think any time somebody buys an adult male buys a pair of baseball pants. They should be put on a no-fly list.

Ben Roethlisberger gets healthier the more he gets injured

I think he gets healthier the more he gets injured if that makes sense because he had some spunk in his step. He was very demonstrative. He was like jogging back and forth. I like big been injured on the sidelines better than I like him in a game.

Shaquille O'Neal won the diss track battle against Damian Lillard

The problem was that Shaq's diss track went harder and Shaq has the power of Inside the NBA... lyrical M3 time Finals MVP MVP candidate. You are not one.

Killer Kowalski would think modern wrestling training has 'made a bunch of pussies'

What would Kowalski say [about the Performance Center]? He would say we made a bunch of pussies. Like his version of if you did something wrong he had a plastic bag with a knot tied in the top... and he would hit you in the head with phone books.

Wrestling is about the emotional story, not the stunts

I'm a big believer in all of the stuff that we do is just stunts. The story is what gets people. There's that Maya Angelou statement of people don't remember what you say, they remember how you make them feel. I believe that's what's true in our business... it's the emotion of what you do.

Kirk Cousins is a beta for apologizing to Adam Thielen

Our long National nightmare is over. Yes Kirk Cousins apologize to Adam thielen for not throwing the ball more deep on Sunday... so such a beta so so virgin Kirk Cousins Chad Adam thielen.

The Florida Panthers are the most irrelevant franchise in the history of sports

Could you think of a more like a more forgettable franchise. Whoa. I don't think so... Florida Panthers of the most irrelevant get your charade rise in the history of sports have to be.

Mason Rudolph is not a starting quarterback in the NFL

I've said it and the end this will confirm it tomorrow night. I don't care how good [Mason Rudolph] is tomorrow night if he does really, really well. He's not a starting quarterback in the NFL. I've seen enough of his face.

Matthew Stafford outdueled Patrick Mahomes in Week 4

Matt Stafford, I'm going to say this, Matt Stafford outdueled Patrick Mahomes. ... [Mahomes] did not look sharp. He was missing guys. He was throwing guys—he looked okay, but he wasn't Patrick Mahomes.

The Ravens' defense is terrible after giving up 1,000 yards in two weeks

The Ravens are looking at giving up over a thousand yards total in the last two weeks and their defense sucks. ... It is kind of confusing seeing the defense look really, really bad especially against the Browns whose offense didn't look great over the last couple of weeks.

Bruce Arians has fixed Jameis Winston

Bruce Arians... he has fixed him. Well he's gotten through to him.

Chase Daniel has a higher floor but lower ceiling than Mitchell Trubisky

I think that chase [Daniel] has a lower ceiling but a higher floor... then Mitchell [Trubisky] does. He's not going to make mistakes. He's not going to lose you the game. But... if the Bears ever get into a game where they have to score and have to throw the ball downfield he's not going to be that guy.

Joe Flacco doesn't make me feel alive as a quarterback

Joe Flacco... he wasn't bad and the defense actually had a sack... but what do you do... Joe Flacco didn't play bad are settling for him. That's what we're doing. We're selling he's tall he's on paper. He's great. But you know, he doesn't make me feel alive.

Aaron Rodgers gets 'too cool' in the red zone

As Skip Bayless said, Aaron Rodgers gets too cool in the red zone.

I would rather have an aggressive coach like Doug Pederson than a wishy-washy one like Freddie Kitchens

I'd rather live with a coach who's aggressive and tries to steal the moment than a guy who goes wishy-washy, Freddie Kitchens. Do we call it the Freddie Kitchens or the Matt LaFleur when you just passed from inside the five-yard line?

Ranking Steph Curry over Kobe Bryant all-time is crazy

Bleacher Report came out with their top 50 all-time NBA players and Kobe was 14, Steph Curry is 10... They're mad. They're real mad. They're big mad.

College football is better when Nebraska is a good team

I rooting for you in Nebraska. I want you guys to be relevant again. College football is better when Nebraska's a good team. Yeah, when Nebraska's doing steroids in the 80s.

The fullback position is coming back in the NFL

But the fullback's coming back, right? You guys got a jersey up there, 42. I like what Kansas City, he [Anthony Sherman] gets after it. He's a boy dog. He'll bite you. He'll hit you.

The fullback should be in the Hall of Fame as a position

I think there should be a fullback in the Hall of Fame. I think if you look at Moose Johnson, you look at guys like Sam Gash, you look at, you know, even Corey Schlesinger... I look at it and I'm just like, I just think that there has been, they let red guy, you let punters and stuff in. It should be a fullback, should be in the Hall of Fame.

Dan Snyder must be removed as owner of the Redskins

The nepotism, the racial slurs, the incompetent one-sided negotiations, the the awful trade deals that were getting ourselves into... it's a fucking National embarrassment... it's time that we remove Dan Snyder.

The Bears are officially back after their win against the Redskins

Mitch [Trubisky] is back here... Mitch looks good last night. I'm still the jury's still out on the Bears offense, but the Bears defense is unbelievable and Khalil Mack is a problem for everyone... Bears are back. I've declared it. I think you guys feeling good after that win.

Mason Rudolph is a 'dumb face' quarterback who will never be a winning starter

Mason Rudolph has a dumb face. I've done my I've done my analysis of him. He's never going to be a winning quarterback.

Short, bald men are perpetually angry because the world has given them nothing

Bald guys are angrier. It's like bald and short they're just angry at the world because the like the world the world has not given them anything... Walden short guys are just angry all the time.

Pete Rose belongs in the Baseball Hall of Fame

Pete Rose Hall of Famer has to be in. Yes. Okay.

Freddie Kitchens is a dummy whose bad play-calling cost the Browns a winnable game.

Freddie Kitchens, you're a dummy. Wow. Yeah, you're a dummy. That was weird. dum-dum. That was one of the most... it was very bad play calling forth and nine.

I don't trust Matt Patricia with a lead or in the fourth quarter.

Matt Patricia twice now late game situations get super conservative and does the old like I'm trying not to lose not trying to win. He did it with the Cardinals game and it felt like the same thing this one. I don't trust him with a lead. I don't trust him in the fourth quarter.

Jacoby Brissett is a very good but 'quietly good' quarterback.

Jacoby Brissett had a 310 yard game. He's got probably the quietest—if this if Jacoby Brissett played 15 years ago, we would think he was an amazing quarterback. He's good. Yes, he's very, very good. But he's like quiet good.

John Elway is an idiot who is ruining his legacy as the Broncos GM.

John Elway is an idiot. John Elway is a smooth idiot. If you're Broncos fan, tweet us your real thoughts about John Elway at this point. Is he at the point where he has soured your memories of John Elway?... You win two Super Bowls, but dude, you stink.

It is Kyle Allen's job until Cam Newton is 100% healthy.

Cam Newton as currently stated is broken. We watch that Thursday night game. He can't hit open receivers. He misses all types of throws... Unless Cam Newton is a hundred percent, a hundred percent, I think it's [Kyle Allen's] job.

Daniel Jones is electric and is a live version of Eli Manning.

Daniel Jones, electric. Daniel Jones is electric... The difference between Daniel Jones and Eli Manning was so fucking apparent... Daniel Jones, he looks like the difference between an alive person and a dead person.

If you live in the South, you must cancel your wedding if it is scheduled for November 9th.

PSA. If you're getting married on November 9th, and you live anywhere below, let's say Kentucky. You need to cancel your wedding right now. Because your wedding will be cursed.

Gardner Minshew's ability to make fans "feel things" is exactly what you need in an NFL quarterback

Gardner Minshew is a quarterback. We don't know if he's great yet, but what we do know about Gardner Minshew is he makes us feel things, and that's all you need from a quarterback in the NFL. You want a quarterback that makes you feel stuff. Gardner Minshew makes me feel amped up and ready to go out and get in some trouble. And that's what I want out of a quarterback.

I am officially done with Marcus Mariota

I am officially hashtag done with Marcus Mariota. Got the hashtag done. Done. I do not want to see Marcus Mariota play any more football. I'm done with him.

The NFL is ruining football by calling too many holding penalties

There are way too many holding calls. I think we can all agree on that. Holding is the new fetch, and I'm sick of the NFL trying to make it happen because every single call is a holding call. It's like the old saying, you could call holding on every play. I feel like someone dared the NFL refs to actually do that this year.

My dad and I would walk out as the winners in a cage match against any other father-son duo in the NFL

I'd like to see me and my dad in a cage match versus anybody, any other father-son duo. And, you know, I think we'd stand out, you know, we'd walk out, and then afterwards there's no telling who would come up to us or come on to us. It'd be fun.