Takes

Kyle Schwarber is the greatest home run hitter in the game

Kyle Schwarber is the man. What a monster. Three swings, three dongs, three no-doubters. He hit three home runs in three swings, absolute monsters. He's the best. I fucking love him forever.

The Home Run Derby format is broken and needs to return to 10 outs per round

The Home Run Derby sucks anyway. We forget every single year, then we're like, 'Oh yeah, you can't actually see the home runs land and the next swing happen at the same time.' I hate the time. Just go back to 10 outs. Make it simple. It's so easy. It was such a 'not broken, don't fix it' situation. 10 outs. Just do it every time. They just got cute with it.

George Kittle and Kyle Long are the two athletes most likely to accidentally injure you during horseplay

The two guys that I will always say that, when you are around them, whether it be drinking or just being around them and you're worried about maybe a little bit of wrestling and horseplay that will get you very, very injured: it's George Kittle and Kyle Long. Both those guys, I'm just like, I'm always just kind of ready to be tackled and have all my insides ripped up.

LeBron James desperately wants to return to the Cleveland Cavaliers

LeBron's getting a little desperate. Did you guys see the latest? Kobe Altman, the president of the Cleveland Cavaliers, got a contract extension and LeBron James quote tweeted it... He wants to be a Cav so bad.

Conor McGregor leaked his own nude photos on purpose

Conor McGregor, I'm starting to think he might not be a good guy... maybe he was trying to get his dick out. That was like, 'cause you can't leak it yourself. So he was just doing this on purpose to be like, I want to just let everyone know that there's my penis.

The Buccaneers' 1976 throwback uniforms are top-tier and should move them up the jersey rankings

Inside this box is an early look at the modern nod to the original 1976 jersey... That thing is awesome. Those are crispy. No, those are crispy. They look great. I mean, that's hot. I know you guys were ranking jerseys the other day, I mean this has to get—we gotta go up the ladder.

Nobody cares about your fantasy football team

The first pick [for Mount Rushmore of things people don't care about], we will take your fantasy team. Don't care about your fantasy team. It's a good pick. When I say it to someone, I'm like, this is the most boring thing I could possibly tell someone.

Nobody cares about the NBA All-Star Game

NBA All Star Game. Do not care. Do not care at all. Fun to complain about, but it's just, it's the do not care at all. No one cares.

Winning a World Series in Philadelphia is more special than in Boston

What separates the two for me was... there's not many championships in the city of Philadelphia. In the city of Boston, it's pretty different. That's what makes Philadelphia to me a little bit more special. You have a love and a passion for their sports, but I feel like [Philly fans] act differently about it because they don't have many.

Hitting a baseball is the hardest thing to do in all of sports

Baseball's the hardest thing to do in the world. I mean, I don't care, golf's hard... but if I tell you, 'Hey, let's go down to the park and let me throw an 80 mile an hour fastball at you, and throw the first one at your head,' that's part of the game. And you'll never want to step back in. So that's the hardest.

Stephen Strasburg at his peak was the filthiest pitcher I ever faced

Steven Strasburg, when he first came to the big leagues... he made his debut against us. He threw a hundred and you just threw me two off speed pitches in a three-two count... I was like, bro, like this dude is not real. His first five years... it was a joke. It wasn't fun.

The US Open and PGA Championship have turned into 'bomb it' golf courses that prioritize driving distance too much

The US Open was never a 'you have to bomb it' kind of golf course. It's kind of turned into that a little bit, which I think is a bit of a bummer. It just feels like you have to hit driver far to contend to win a US Open. The PGA is very much like that. Augusta's like that as well. You think about the majors, and they all lean on the driver, hit it as far as possible. That's not the case at the Open [Championship].

Scottie Scheffler struggles at the Open because he wants a fair golf course

Scotty does not like it when it's quote unquote unfair. I mean that is the one weird thing about Scotty, like he wants a great shot rewarded and that's just not what links golf's about. This is the one he has not played great at. For Scotty it's trying to lean a little bit more into that world versus 'why is it in that pot bunker?'

Tommy Fleetwood is the 'Gonzaga' of professional golf

I kind of feel like Tommy Fleetwood's Gonzaga basketball is kind of my call. Very good, very talented number one seed a lot of the time... obviously has the talent on the floor but doesn't get it done. That's kind of who Tommy Fleetwood has become... do it now or you're never gonna get it done.

It is good for MLB to not have the Home Run Derby associated with Christian Yelich and his previous 'anal lingus' controversy

You know what's great is it's good for the sport not to have people associate the home run derby with anal lingus. [Christian Yelich] is not competing... we did it, one more year of keeping our tongues out of each other's buttholes.

I'm a 'Misery' guy and think MLB is right to put the 'phenom' Brody Brecht in the All-Star game to grow the sport

I don't think deserving is the right word. I think it's why... we wanna tune in and try to grow the game back and people wanna watch him. It like, this guy throws the ball so fast, so hard. And he's had a great start to his career. I'm a misery guy. I don't even know how to say his name. Misery... he puts asses in seats.

I want Brody Brecht to be the biggest bust in MLB history after he was selected for the All-Star game over Ranger Suárez

I now hate this guy. I now want this guy to be the biggest bust in MLB history. Ranger Suárez has a 1.94 in 13 games... How do you possibly look at that and be like, this guy is more deserving than Ranger Suárez? It makes no sense.

The Washington Nationals drafted Eli Willits first overall because they are afraid of agent Scott Boras

I think we drafted this guy [Eli Willits] because we're afraid of Scott Boras. And also because we had to pay King Scott Boras, big time king... It would help if the Nationals drafted a player who was not represented by Scott Boras, who has just bent them over for the last 10 years repeatedly.

The World Series of Poker should embrace its bad boy William Kass to save the game from 'robot' players

The World Series of Poker is gonna do the opposite thing that they should do. They should embrace this guy because these type of people... you need personalities. You need people that are aggravating. You don't need people who are robots who are playing by an algorithm and just going through it.

Hearing people describe their poker beats is more boring than hearing people describe their dreams

I actually think that hearing people describe their poker beats might be more boring than hearing people describe their dreams.

Opening Counter-Strike skin cases is officially back

My who's back of the week is going to be Counterstrike cases specifically opening them... They went CS:GO case unboxings, $590,000 in cases they unboxed. Unprecedented territory is what we're approaching there.

Disney World with kids is the absolute worst place in the world to be violently hungover

Disney World with kids would be hell on earth. Because then you actually actively have to parent and chase them around and worry about where they're being and stand in lines and eat gross food. I actually don't think that there's, I've never been to Disney World as a kid or an adult, but I think that might be the worst place in the world.

I consider myself a top 10 quarterback in the NFL

I mean, I think, I think I should be top 10 quarterback... where I'm at in my career year five, like it's time to time to go and start winning consistently and, and be not just that team where it's like, you know, you're always like, no one really takes you seriously.

Travis Hunter is unbelievable and could play both ways in the NFL if anyone can

I mean, he's unbelievable as far as like the condition and shape he's in. I mean, this guy can run all day and plays DB plays receiver... if there's a guy that can do it [play both ways in the NFL], he can do it.

Dabo Swinney is a master motivator but not the most 'cerebral' X's and O's coach

He's not like the biggest, he understands the game, he's not a huge X's and O's guys, but he's like motivator vision... he would make you believe like you could do anything. Like our team, we'd be like, dude, we're gonna like, it didn't matter who we're playing, like we're gonna kill these dudes.

First dates should always start with drinks as a 'solos match' before committing to more

I was thinking we, we could run, we could run drinks if she's open to that. I like that Max, easy. Just happy hour. A few drinks. Nothing crazy. Maybe just one drink. We'll start with one drink. And then if it's good, then you go two.

Announcing you are writing a book is the funnest part of writing a book

Announcing that you're writing a book is the funnest part of writing a book. Oh yeah. Now we gotta write a book. We've ended up canceling the books at the last minute several times, which always feels great to do.

Our 10th anniversary book will be the dumbest book ever created

It's gonna be the dumbest book ever created. And it's not gonna be... like, I don't wanna, we're not gonna write like a a tell all that's like super serious. It's gonna be stupid. ... We want it to be dumb. We wanna be stupid.

Cooper Flagg is significantly better than we thought he was after watching him in Summer League

I think Cooper flag went off. I think he did too. Yeah. I think he's better than we thought he was. ... Significantly better than we thought he was.

Patrick Mahomes having a 'dad bod' is beneficial for Chiefs fans to feel hated

That could actually be great for a Kansas City Chiefs fan because the last five, six years, you've just had to invent reasons why people hate the Kansas City Chiefs and why people doubt you. Now you actually have people making fun of your quarterback.

Construction workers are the groundwork of civilization and deserve more credit

So much infrastructure to the entire, everything that we do. This building, all of our homes, all, all of the establishments we go to. I mean, it's everywhere. The groundwork of civilization, all the construction workers is deserve so much credit.

Hockey players are the best athletes to hang out with because they are the most chill

Hockey players are my, some of my favorite athletes especially to hang out with and to play golf. ... they're the funnest people to hang out with because they're the most chill. They're so fun Canadian hockey players... they're just sweet people. Kind people until they're not.

Howie Roseman is the greatest GM in all of sports

And then of course Howie Roseman, the greatest GM in all of sports, navigate their relationship with the players because it's tricky.

You are naturally less funny the better shape you are in

the better shape you are in, the less funny you are just naturally. ... Unless you tell your friends in the show, I did this for you. And the friends are like, what the fuck are you talking about? Why? And he did it just to like impress them, but they're not impressed by it.

Sports fandom is forged in tragedy, not triumph

it's about fandom... and really what it's about is about community and a community forged in tragedy because there can be only one at the end of each year in any, in every and any sport. And so there's something really beautifully human about that, that, that we are not forged in triumph. We're forged in tragedy.

Silver medals are worse than bronze medals

I lost the gold... You either win the gold, lose the gold or win the bronze. ... I think silver's worse than bronze. ... you gotta win to get the bronze right. You're elated, right? Like you got a medal. And I was devastated that I lost the gold.

Hank could easily be a five handicap in golf if he played more

I think he could easily, he's got a gorgeous golf swing. So like, I think he could be a five handicap. No problem. You just gotta, he's just gotta play. He's gotta let him play more.

Novak Djokovic is the greatest tennis player of all time

Novak is [the GOAT]. Yes. ... Novak is just because it's like, Roger won, Roger won one French... Novak has won a few French and like, I mean he's won I think 12 Australian opens. I mean, just incredible. And I played the three of them a bunch and I never beat Novak.

Roger Federer is the most naturally talented athlete in any sport

Roger's the most talented player ever. Like he's the like the most talent laden person in, I mean maybe in like any sport. ... Roger was like born to play tennis. He is built to play tennis.

Football is not a breakfast sport; it is a beer sport meant for the afternoon and evening

Everything's just two nights in a row. ... I don't like the idea of waking up and having breakfast while football's coming up. Football is not a breakfast sport. Tennis is a breakfast sport. Golf can be a breakfast sport. ... Football is a beer sport.

Modern alarm clocks have become too chill; we need irritating sounds like fire alarms to actually wake up

We gotta get back to making alarm clocks great again. Yeah. Because though, I, I need to have like the fire alarm sound. I need Max's hiccup. Hiccup. Yeah. To wake me up. I'm sorry about that. Yeah, that's okay. But like, I need, I need a grading irritating sound to wake me up. Alarm clocks have gotten way too chill with a nice, like gradual. The light ones. Yeah. That kinda like light up your room a little bit with sunlight. The ambient noise. Fuck that. Don't, that's, that's too new agey shit for me.

The NFL jersey rankings that put the Chargers at #1 and Commanders at #32 are mostly accurate

Would you like me to tell you some of the results I actually agree with pretty much the top 10... Number one is chargers. Okay. Number one is Charger. I like it... [Commanders] dead last is correct. Okay. Yep. And honestly don't necessarily disagree.

Michelangelo is the best Ninja Turtle because he is the only true 'party dude' and stays chill

Michelangelo Ninja Turtle party dude. Party dude. He literally just eats pizza and parties. And I think extremely true. I think as much as Raphael wants to fuck April O'Neal, I think, I think Michelangelo is what? April? O'Neal. Lusts after... He's a part, literally is a party dude. He's always trying to keep everyone chill.

The United States might actually just suck at soccer

So if [Pochettino] loses it's the, we might suck at soccer. Yeah, we might suck at soccer. Okay. I've been saying that.

Lamar Jackson is a dream rotation choice to smoke weed with

You gotta put Lamar [Jackson] in the top tier, right? For sure. Lamar is absolutely the top tier of that. A hundred percent.

The 'Micro Retirement' trend is just Gen Z trying to rebrand regular vacations

There's a new fad for Gen Zers. It is called Micro Retirements. They involve taking a one to two week break from work every 12 to 18 months. They're basically just stealing [vacations]. It's also not enough. No, it's not enough. It's not enough. But that's, but you can't let them steal the word vacation. They're trying to change it to micro retirements. Yeah. That makes no sense. Yeah, it's crazy. They're trying to rebrand it.

Keith Olbermann was an unbelievable partner with a great news sense on SportsCenter

I was with Keith Olbermann, and we said, we want the first 15 minutes to be about Mickey Mantle... Keith would always fight the, he had a great news sense. He was, he was unbelievable as a partner. Unbelievable.

Watching sports on the couch is better than being at the games

Honestly, getting to watch games on your couch is way better than being at the games usually anyways. sitting on your couch at home with your own snacks and your own food, it's awesome.

Joey Chestnut is a top five athlete of all time

I really do think that Joey Chestnut might be the greatest athlete of all time. I actually like broke it down... however you slice it, he's like top five athlete of all time.

Brian Steele is the greatest defense attorney of all time

Brian Steele might just be the greatest defense attorney of all time... he has beat racketeering charges for his clients for the second time... Young Thug... Sean Combs.