Takes

Theon Greyjoy's final charge at the Night King was the worst assassination attempt ever

That was the worst attempt at killing the Night King of all time. Bran was basically like, all right, Theon, you're done. See you later.

Daenerys Targaryen is a loser for not being able to fight for herself

You love this chick [Daenerys] that has been basically walking around saying, I'm the king, I'm the queen... and she can't even fight for herself. She just found that out. And her little dragons don't show up to the big event.

HBO failed the viewers by making the Battle of Winterfell too dark to see

I will stand and die on the hill that I still want to be able to watch the television show... I'm very happy that the White Walkers are dead because that was always my least favorite part of this show.

The White Walkers were my least favorite part of Game of Thrones

I'm very happy that the White Walkers are dead because that was always my least favorite part of this show. I like the human versus human shit. I like that stuff. I like houses and all that stuff. That's my jam. The White Walkers... I could never fully get into their whole thing.

Kyler Murray liking The Great Gatsby is the biggest red flag possible

Kyler Murray says that his favorite movie of all time is Great Gatsby. That is the biggest red flag we've ever seen. Also, I'm pretty sure Kyler Murray is the kind of guy that likes the Great Gatsby because he thinks Gatsby's cool as hell right? And he like throws these sick parties... He does the leo dance 15 years after it was cool. There was nothing cool about that book or that movie.

The Raiders' reach for Clelin Ferrell is a result of John Gruden not having any scouts in the room

John Gruden's his own man. And remember, they don't have any scouts in the room, so they probably didn't even have a mock draft in front of them.

Watching Steven Adams without sound is like listening to porn without images

Watching Steven Adams without sound is like listening to porn without the images. Well, it was kind of cool seeing him yell at him and point his finger, but I needed the sound to really get me there.

April has the worst weather of any month because of its inconsistency

April has the worst weather of any month... Because you can't fucking plan for it. It's cold. It's still the winter. Then it's hot. Then it's cold again. Then it rains... I would rather at least know January's going to suck no matter what.

NFL draft picks cannot be accurately graded until three or four years after they happen

I always like the draft grades that are going to come out on Monday. Teams are going to get A's and B's and C's and D's... but they don't circle back three or four years after. Because that's when you really grade the draft.

Quarterbacks being the most important piece of a franchise is the most obvious 'Harvard' study ever

Harvard. 38 years of data suggests the quarterback is the most important piece of an NFL franchise. OK, I'll just watch football for 38 years and come up with the conclusion that quarterbacks are important. Way to go, Harvard.

Nick Saban has a legitimate problem because he can't handle sitting at home for six hours

Saban added that the six hours he was at home on Tuesday with nothing to do was like torture. I don't know how people do it. It's the off season. Six hours. Nick Saban didn't do anything and he couldn't bear it. You might have a problem Nick Saban.

Bran Stark is an annoying character who ruins every scene he is in

Bran, I hope that fuck gets skull fucked in the middle of the field because he's so awkward. It's the guy in the wheelchair. I know Lieutenant Bran. He's so annoying. He ruins every scene.

The Seahawks are making a smart move trading Frank Clark to reset with young talent

I love this move for both sides... The Seahawks did a sneaky thing here where they're getting more picks and they're like, hey, we just paid Russell Wilson a lot of money... This is how smart organizations do it. Like, hey, we paid the quarterback a lot. Why don't we, instead of paying other guys a lot, just get a shitload of young talent and pay them a little and be good and be the Seahawks again.

Duke will have the #1 recruiting class and Matthew Hurt will be their next star white player people hate

Number one recruiting class. They got Vernon Carey Jr. And everyone likes to root against the white guy that's a high recruit at Duke. Matthew Hurt is the guy. Have you seen pictures of this kid? ... Duke's back.

Odell Beckham Jr. is genuinely happy to be in Cleveland and away from Eli Manning

Odell Beckham Jr. because he wants everyone to listen he is totally happy in Cleveland... Odell Beckham is probably just happy he's away from Eli Manning. He truly actually is happy that he doesn't have to play with Eli Manning anymore.

The top of the 2018 quarterback class was significantly better than the 2019 class

Those quarterbacks [2018 class] were better than any of the quarterbacks this year in my opinion. As a group of quarterbacks, the top guys were better.

Marquise Brown is the next DeSean Jackson

I love Marquise Brown, the wide receiver from Oklahoma. He's 166 pounds... but he's DeSean Jackson, and I'll take that in the top 20.

Deebo Samuel is the most talented wide receiver in the 2019 class outside of Marquise Brown

I'll go Debo Samuel. ... I think he's the most talented receiver outside of Marquise Brown in this class. South Carolina, production, slot receiver, big guy, can run after the catch, can help in the return game... Deebo's a dude.

It is a massive mistake for Bucks fans to chant 'We Want Boston' after sweeping the Pistons

It's a mistake. ... Why poke the bear? ... When you're the No. 1 seed, you or your fans can't be doing stuff like this. They're going to get them.

No other quarterback could survive in Pittsburgh like Big Ben

There's no other quarterback in the league can play in Pittsburgh the way [Roethlisberger] have played... he's just a tough son of a gun.

Joel Embiid is an absolute monster when he is healthy

Joel Embiid is a fucking monster. He is a monster. Like, watching him play. When he's healthy. But he was a monster on Saturday. When he is out there, he looks like he's playing with little kids. Like, his hands are so much bigger than everybody. He's so much taller. He gets the ball in the post. There's nothing anyone can do.

The Bucks-Pistons series is trash

Unfortunately, the Bucks just demolished [the Pistons] again. That series is trash.

Demaryius Thomas beat the Steelers in the 2011 playoffs, not Tim Tebow

It wasn't Tebow. It was DT... DT gave me a mean ass stiff arm... Everybody was like, Tebow Mania. I mean, it was. But that was DT, man.

Le'Veon Bell's absence accelerated Antonio Brown's departure from the Steelers

The locker room wasn't the locker room until Le'Veon left. Le'Veon is the mediator of everything... his absence, you think, helped accelerate the Antonio Brown stuff? For me, 100%.

The Buccaneers got screwed by the NFL schedule

The Bucs got fucked. The Tampa Bay fucking years. They are away from home for like two months in a row. They're taking like a semester off. They're going to away games by week, London, two more away games. That's a lot of probation officers that Jameis Winston has to notify.

The 2019 Bears having six primetime games is a bad omen

The Bears have six primetime games, and that scares the fuck out of me. That's a lot of time, a lot of time in front of the nation for people to make jokes. And it's like they'll always be in the back of my head, even though the Bears are good. Six primetime games... is way too many.

The Carolina Hurricanes are too small for the moment against the Capitals

Listen, it's the Carolina Hurricanes. The moment is too big for them. This is an experience. The Washington Capitals are a storied, winning hockey franchise.

The NBA should have a 'kill switch' rule for playoff games decided by 35+ points

In a playoff series, if a team wins by a certain amount... in basketball if they beat them by 35-plus, the series is automatically over right there. We just fast forward and we save everybody the time. If you get beat by 35 points, it's just the kill switch. And it would make blowouts exciting because teams would be having to try really hard in game one.

Jack Dorsey is intentionally trying to ruin Twitter

I love how committed Jack [Dorsey] is to ruining Twitter. Yeah, he's just like every decision that he's ever made has actually made it worse. It's been pretty fun to watch.

Led Zeppelin is the greatest stage band of all time

Band band, like get up there and kick ass on a stage, it's Led Zeppelin. It's not even close. They invented a different genre of music... It's because they're the greatest.

There are only three quarterbacks in the NFL worth a 4-year, $140 million contract

There are three quarterbacks in all the NFL that you would give this deal to... Aaron Rodgers already got it. Russell Wilson just got it. Patrick Mahomes is the third. There's not anyone else. You can't think of any other guys.

Capitals losing 5-0 is better than a close overtime loss

If it was a 4-3 overtime loss, I would be a little bit more worried. But the fact that I was rooting for it to get worse... 5-0, you can just wipe that one off. You can just say, wasn't our night, fellas.

New Orleans was God's calling for me, and Nick Saban belongs at Alabama

I think we can only recognize that it's worked out for both of us. That New Orleans was where I belonged and... I was there for a reason. That was truly God's calling for me and my wife and for [Nick] Saban. I think that he's done pretty well for himself at Alabama, so it's all worked out for everybody.

Neil Armstrong is a more significant Purdue alum than I am

I'd say that's pretty significant, though, what Neil Armstrong accomplished. So I'd have to put him up there [above me].

The 2019 Masters was a bad weekend for the Augusta National course

I don't think I root for the course anymore. The course got embarrassed. This was a bad weekend for the course. Yeah, low scores.

Jimmy Butler screwed up the 76ers' chemistry

I think Jimmy Butler came in and screwed up the whole chemistry. That's what I think. Simmons can't shoot. It's so much easier to defend in the playoffs.

Giannis Antetokounmpo is currently the best player in the NBA

Giannis is an absolute monster. He's a problem. He's a huge problem. He's the best player in the NBA at this point.

The Olympics should be held every year in Las Vegas since no other city wants them

They should do the Olympics every year. What the fuck? Just do it in Vegas. Because no city wants it. Just do it in Vegas every year.

Tiger Woods beating the athlete golfers he inspired (Koepka, DJ) is his most impressive feat

There's a whole wave of guys that he created, right? The guys that look like Dustin Johnson and Brooks Koepka that could be athletes in any sport... And they all kind of wanted to be him. And he beat all of them... when it's over, he wins.

Francesco Molinari's Sunday collapse will be forgotten because Tiger Woods won

[Molinari] is the one guy that's going to walk away from this the most gutted because if he doesn't make a couple mistakes, then maybe it's him. [Big Cat: I think he's the luckiest guy... no one will remember it because it's Tiger]. SVP: I hadn't even considered that... that actually makes a ton of sense.

Cersei Lannister is the best character on Game of Thrones

I love Cersei. I love her. One of the best lines when they're like... I choose violence. And then she blows up everyone in the city... As soon as you get to a certain point where it's like, oh, this bitch doesn't care. I fucking love her.

Masters Sunday is the biggest napping day of the year

Everybody watches the Masters by themselves, maybe with their dad, maybe with a roommate or something like that, but it is the one day a year where you can take part in the biggest sporting event of that sport of the year and just sit there and chill, fall asleep, take a nap. It's the biggest Seebs Day of the year.

Wisconsin should hire Rick Pitino as their next head coach

We need to do a better job of getting Rick Pitino a job... Where else is there a head coaching vacancy? [Hank: Wisconsin]. I'd fucking take him in a second. I think that would make my life so much better if Rick Pitino was the coach. I mean, we would win the national title.

I am a B-plus level celebrity

What level of celebrity do you guys think you are now? [Vinny]: D minus... [DJ Pauly D]: Yeah, he's like a B. B plus. [Big Cat]: I live with that.

The Grizzlies' ceiling is giving a team a tough series in the second round

The Grizzlies are always going to be rebuilding. That's kind of what they're up to. I feel like the ceiling on the Grizz is giving a team a tough series in the second round.

The Bulls should send Bill Murray or Jim Belushi to represent them at the draft lottery

Zion. Maybe Zion... That's going to be the biggest night of the Bulls probably since Derrick Rose left. You need to figure out who the ultimate good luck charm is. Jim Belushi. Final answer. [PFT]: Or Bill Murray. [Big Cat]: Get Bill Murray to do it. Yes.

Chris Davis's hitless streak is actually fun to watch

Do you feel bad for Chris Davis, who is now 0 for 53? [PFT]: No, because it's so much fun to watch. And if the Orioles were going to be a threat to do anything this year, then maybe I would be. But he's helping them.

Virginia's national title run is one of the coolest stories in sports history

UVA now becomes one of the coolest stories in all of sports going from the loss to UMBC last year as a one seed to a 16 seed never happened before to then get all the way back and go to the national title and win the national championship. It's all like one story. And it all kind of erases. I feel like if they don't have that low, they don't get to this high.

The best sports teams are usually the luckiest ones

To me, it seems like the best teams are always the ones that get the luckiest. You can make the case like, oh, Tom Brady shouldn't have as many Super Bowls because the interception bailed him out at the end of the Seattle game... But it turns out that if you have luck that adds up a lot, you're probably just good.

Unders in the first half are a strong betting trend for games played on raised floors in football stadiums.

I've noticed that teams, when they're on that raised floor... in the first half, it seems to me like all the first half unders were hitting on any game that's ever been played on an elevated floor, like in a football [stadium].