Takes

Matt Painter is the new Bo Ryan

We have Purdue, Matt Painter keeping it real, as John Rothstein says. Matt Painter, the new Bo Ryan.

The Purdue vs. Tennessee game was the best game of the tournament so far, second only to Duke

Matt Painter, you have slightly less of a stupid face, and I'm going to say some nice things about Purdue, but that [Purdue vs. Tennessee] was the game of the tournament other than the Duke game.

Tennessee should not be allowed to wear their Indiana-style warm-up colors

My big takeaway was the Tennessee uniforms. They should not be allowed to wear those pants and those warm-ups and those colors. Those are Indianas. Those are Indianas.

The 2019 Texas Tech vs. Michigan game was classic Big Ten football played on a basketball court

It was classic Big Ten football. Just on a basketball court. [Michigan] scored 16 points in the first half... Two touchdowns and two two-point conversions.

The fact that Philly fans booed Bryce Harper on the first day is why Philly is great

Reacting to a 13-year contract on the first day is so fucking awesome, and that's why Philly is great. It does set a tone.

Good coaches make talented players like Jordan Howard fit their offense instead of trading them

Being like [Jordan Howard] doesn't fit our offense, good coaches make talented players fit their offense.

Mike Brown is a guy who just gets 'bumped' and alpha'd

Ever since LeBron bumped Mike Brown, I'm like, Mike Brown could just be bumped. He's a guy who just can be bumped... You get bumped on national television once, everyone just can kind of alpha you and bump you.

Sports owners focus much more on winning than making money

I think most owners in sports are much more focused on winning than they are making money from the business... I think they think winning first. And if you win, then profits follow.

Robert Kraft is the reason for the 'sneakers with suits' revolution

Robert's wearing sneakers. He's worn sneakers for as long as I've known him, and he's made it cool, and I think so many other people are doing it now. I think he actually kind of kicked that off. So I think I give him 100% credit for the sneaker revolution, for guys wearing those with suits.

The Seattle Seahawks are not a good ownership situation for me

The Seattle Seahawks, which are, you know, people say are going to be sold over the next couple of years. That's not a great situation for me. It's in the Pacific Northwest. I live in the Northeast.

Cliff Kingsbury is too pretty to win a Super Bowl

Cliff Kingsbury, that guy's too fucking smooth... you can't win a Super Bowl looking that pretty.

Antonio Brown already wants off the Raiders

Antonio Brown is still subtweeting people. He's still going after people... my theory's right. Like, he doesn't want to be a Raider... He's like one step away from being like, I love the Raiders so much and this is the best move of my entire life. I'm so happy and here's a podcast telling you how happy I am.

Robert Kraft is probably guilty despite his 'not guilty' plea

Mr. Kraft... Not guilty. That's his plea. He still probably is guilty, but he pled not guilty. He pled not guilty to not being sorry. He's truly sorry for disappointing people, but he has pled not guilty.

A team's connectedness is more important than talent or coaching

You can't be in the Sweet 16, or it's rare if you're in the Sweet 16, if you think it's only based on talent or if it's only based on coaching. There have to be a lot of other intangibles... it's the connectedness of your staff and the example that your staff sets for your team.

LeBron James is the GOAT

He's the GOAT, though. You've got to give it to him. Come on... Being in Cleveland, [LeBron James] was the GOAT.

Rob Gronkowski is the greatest tight end of all time

Yes, Gronk [is the GOAT]. I'm kind of upset he retired. I wish he stayed one more year because we were playing the Patriots this year.

Tennis balls are definitely green

I already know the answer to it. No, they're green... Yeah, they're probably green. They're definitely green.

Tennis balls are yellow

So I'm like a genius mind [for being in the 42% who say they are yellow]... I don't go with the sheep.

The Monday after the first weekend of March Madness is the worst Monday of the year

I actually contend it's the worst Monday of the year. [After] having nothing but games for four days nonstop, and then there's just an end. It just ends, and you're like, what the hell?

The five-foul limit in college basketball is terrible and needs to be changed

I hate the five fouls in college basketball. Suck. They need to fix it.

UNC's Luke Maye has the weirdest voice in the world

Luke Maye might have the weirdest voice in the world. Have you heard him talk? He's like if Jason Aldean was in Bone Thugs. It doesn't work. When I watch him talk and I listen to him, he gives me a stroke.

Rob Gronkowski is the greatest tight end in NFL history

Greatest of all time? Tight end? Not even a question. Greatest tight end of all time. Gronk is the first seven [PFF single season grades]. So basically every single year. He was amazing.

The Motley Crue movie 'The Dirt' is ten times better than Bohemian Rhapsody

Motley Crue is also back... They put out a Netflix movie. I know Queen Bohemian Rhapsody won all the awards. This was like a 10 times better of a biopic movie. All sex, drugs, rock and roll.

I am canceling Orange Vanilla Coke and will never drink it because of the excessive advertising

Orange Vanilla Coke I saw seven million times, and I hate it. I will never drink an orange vanilla Coke. I am canceling orange vanilla Coke.

PFT Commenter looks like a greasier version of Post Malone

You look like a greasier version of Post Malone. He looks like he stinks worse than garbage. He looks like a New York City street.

Tom Izzo's coaching intensity is acceptable and challenges players to battle through adversity

I think that there's a line and [Tom Izzo] didn't cross it... he challenged you. There were some days where I'd go home and I'd have higher anxiety... but it turned me into the person I am today. You have to go through things like that... if you want to be coddled it's going to be a very tough life ahead.

I would rather take punches to the face than block shots for a career

I would rather take punches to the face than have to block shots as a career... I'd like to take punches to the face rather than block shots. I was one of those guys where I just didn't like doing it, and sometimes I would flamingo.

Judge Judy is a rude diva who needs a 'hat sting' to humble her

I always didn't like her just because she's just so rude to people... she walks in [to a restaurant] and she goes [to my friend], 'take your hat off.' And she took it off his head and put it in his hands. I would have two hats on... Russian things that get smaller and smaller. My hats get smaller and smaller.

I would perform a sexual act with a cat for $2 million if it stayed secret

If no one was to find out, a couple sheets... a couple sheets, $2 million, and Hank would fuck a cat? Raw dog, too.

Watching college basketball for 15 hours a day is a sport in itself

Watching college basketball for 15 hours a day is a sport. It is. It is literally a sport, and we're pretty fucking good at it.

Darren Rovell's brand is being the guy who 'forgot' to fill out a bracket

Darren knows brands. And my suspicion is he realized at the very last minute that his brand is being the guy that doesn't fill out a bracket and tells you that he didn't. And so he was like, it'd be bad. It would just be a bad change of pace.

Jamarcus Russell had a stronger arm than Josh Allen

I watched him [Jamarcus Russell] throw. I was like, holy hell. That dude had the strongest arm I've ever seen. I know you guys are big Josh Allen fans. I'm a big Josh Allen fan. Jamarcus Russell had a stronger arm than Josh Allen.

Baltimore is one of the most stable and consistent places in the NFL to play quarterback

Had I ended up in Baltimore, Flacco ends up getting drafted the next year there. I think, I mean, it's a stable situation. They have a great defense, a good running game. It's been a more of a stable, consistent place to play quarterback.

Urban Meyer would be a great head coach for Notre Dame

But Urban Meyer, he's going to be the next coach in Notre Dame, right? ... But you would like him as a head coach, right? Yeah, of course. He's one of the greatest of all time in college football.

Tim Tebow's inaccuracy was caused by over-thinking his mechanics after constant criticism

The problem is the biggest thing is if no one told him his throwing motion was messed up, he'd probably throw the ball with so much more confidence. What happened with him is... everyone started doubting him and his ability to like actually be accurate... if you're already thinking that before you throw the football, game over.

Wahlburgers makes bad burgers

But his burgers suck. I didn't like the burgers. It was just a bad experience. I went to one in Orlando. I was like, eh, that's not very good.

The MLB retiring Ichiro at 7 AM in Japan is the worst way to stay relevant

Way to Stay Relevant Baseball, having one of the most liked superstars in the past probably 50 years retire at 7 a.m. when no one was watching in Japan... And on top of all of that, I actually woke up and... I went to Twitter to try to find some clips. Well, another one, MLB. I forgot. No one can tweet any clips from your product. So I couldn't even see Ichiro's last thing until you uploaded it on yourself. So good job, MLB.

Eli Manning is still a good quarterback and the Giants know exactly what they're doing

This narrative that Eli [Manning] is overpaid and can't play is a crock. Dave Gettleman, the quote machine. Just wanted to get that out of the way. All you asking out there, the Giants know exactly what they're doing. Eli is still good.

I am officially canceling Beto O'Rourke because I don't know how to pronounce his name

I've already canceled you. I push you to the side, Beto, and you're done because I can't say your name. It's a very simple test. I need to be able to say your name [instantly].

John Beilein is the best pure X and O coach in college basketball

I actually think the best pure X and O coach in the tournament is John Beilein. Because even though everywhere he goes, they do better than they should, he never has guys that are super talented... as a pure coach, he's the best in the country.

MLB should fix baseball by forcing live look-ins of every Mike Trout at-bat on all cable stations

MLB should buy airtime on every cable station out there. So every time Mike Trout comes to the plate, it's a live looking in the bottom left corner. Even if you don't like baseball, it will just get everyone to watch Mike Trout's at-bats.

Bracket regions should be named Top Left, Bottom Left, Top Right, and Bottom Right to be standard across all websites

I don't like [the pod system]. Let's make it standard because my biggest problem with March Madness and the whole bracket system in general is it's usually not standard across all the different sports websites out there. It should be called top left, bottom left, top right, bottom right. Make it easy for me.

Conference championship games on Selection Sunday do not matter for NCAA tournament seeding

Everyone thinks that the conference championship games matter a ton, but if you think the committee... The committee's just like us. They're fucking lazy. They're not going to sit there and watch the Big Ten championship and be like, well, now we've got to change everything we've done all weekend. They filled it out. They're ready to go.

Isaiah Thomas deserves a tribute video from the Boston Celtics

My Who's Back of the Week is Isaiah Thomas... He's playing the Celtics tonight. I think they have to play the video. He deserves a tribute video. He was a great Celtics player, and he's back tonight. I hope he gets it.

A football league with two of Johnny Manziel, Tim Tebow, or Colin Kaepernick will attract massive viewership

They're starting to approach my theory, which is if you can get Johnny Manziel, Tim Tebow, Colin Kaepernick, any two of those three, if you have two of those three quarterbacks in your league, people will tune in in droves to watch it.

Josh Rosen should be eligible for Rookie of the Year in 2019

Josh Rosen or maybe Kyler Murray throwing a rookie connection. Yes, Rosen is absolutely, he should be eligible for Rookie of the Year next year.

You cannot actively tank in the NFL because players won't buy in

I actually think the NFL, you can't really actively tank. You can't say before the season we are trying to lose because it's such a hard league to stay in for the players. And if the players know that, it's all going to fall apart very quickly.

Basketball players just need to play basketball, regardless of injury risk

This is basketball. It's not football. It's not any of these other sports. Like, basketball players need to play basketball... LeBron, that's what all these players, even Blake Griffin said it himself. You have to play to play. It sounds dumb saying it out loud. You've got to play.

Michigan's student section is the toughest and most ruthless in the Big Ten

Probably Michigan State. They're kind on top of you at the court. Or Michigan. Michigan, the fans are – I don't know what it is about their student section, but they're, like, ruthless. Like, they'll talk about my mom. They'll talk about acne. They'll talk about whatever it is, just to try and get into my skin.

The Big 12 tournament at the Sprint Center is the best post-season college conference tournament

I think it's the best post-season college conference tournament because you always know it's Kansas City. It's always Sprint Center. Pretty easy for a lot of the school's fans to get here.