Takes

Car eyelashes are a psycho move and reveal specific lifestyle traits

The front lights eyelashes. Psycho move... VW bug, throw the eyelashes on, probably own at least three pugs. Like the Venn diagram for pug ownership and eyelashes on your car is a big circle. And yeah, probably living a life alone.

Tape deck car adapters provide better audio quality than iPhone aux cords

To me, the tape deck aux that was hooked up to your Discman sounds clearer than plugging in an aux cord to your iPhone right now. Science will never reach that level of sophistication that we had in the year 2001 or 2002 when we developed that.

ESPN canceling 'Barstool Van Talk' was a bad business decision that alienated a key demographic

My second pick, I will go with ESPN canceling Barstool Van Talk and making an entire demographic of young male adult sports fans hate them forever. Good pick.

Mark Cuban made a mistake by not buying 10% of Big Cat's brain for $1 million

I'll go with Mark Cuban up buying 10% of my brain he's an idiot that was a dumb business decision I'm going to make I'm going to make that money back it was for a million dollars he regrets it 1 million dollars and he got all my lifetime earning from that day forward.

Judas belongs on the Mount Flushmore of worst teammates of all time

I'm going to go with Judas. I consider Judas to be a teammate. Sold out Jesus. All about the contract situation. Really fucked things up for the rest of the world because he was so selfish.

LeBron James is one of the worst teammates of all time because he takes all the credit and trades everyone else

LeBron James. Can't be fun to be his teammate. You're always, always in fear that he's like, if you do well, he's going to take all the credit. If you do bad, he's probably going to trade you off the team.

You shouldn't own a Jeep Wrangler unless you actually go off-roading

Unless you live on the beach and are doing off-roading on a fairly average basis, you shouldn't have a Jeep Wrangler. If you have a Jeep Wrangler in Massachusetts... you're not getting the use out of it that you need to. You're just doing it for a status symbol.

Driving a Ford Ranger means you have no friends

The Ranger is good for nothing except helping your friends move. That's it. If you drive a Ranger, you're telling me, I don't have friends. I'm looking for play dates so badly that I will do your chores for you.

Ketchup is a disgusting mask for people with bad taste

Ketchup period. Ketchup is disgusting. Anyone who jumps—it's a mask. It's the same as buffalo sauce. If you need to have ketchup—like people that eat pizza but I need to have ketchup... it's just a masquerade. People that eat ketchup get addicted to it.

Taking a tequila shot right before sex makes you a 'stallion'

Right before you have sex. Dude, I'm about to be a stallion. You don't have the anxiety. You don't know if it's not going to work yet. In that moment if you're [drunk] I'm just gonna go for it.

Vincent Chase is a terrible TV character

I think Vincent Chase is a fucking terrible character. Vinnie Chase. I hate Vinnie Chase... What does Vinnie Chase do that's memorable besides make stupid decisions, box smoke shows, and hang out and smoke weed?

Icebergs are terrible and serve no purpose.

I've got icebergs. Hate icebergs. What have they ever done for anyone? They're terrible. They break off, it's a sign of a bad climate... they should all stay intact.

Brackish water is garbage water because it won't pick a lane between fresh and salt.

My last one is going to be brackish water. It's the mix of fresh water and salt water. It's like pick a lane. It's just shit water.

Frosted Flakes is easily the worst cereal option

This is way more controversial than my last one. But easily my least favorite cereal Frosted Flakes... growing up and I go to my friend's house for sleepovers or whatever and they go on Frosted Flakes. No disgusting.