PMT DB
PMT DB
PMT Dungeons and Dragons: Timm Woods and Nick Turani Return
The people's champ Timm Woods is back in the studio, and that means only one thing: it is time to roll the dice and potentially ruin some fictional lives. Joined by the always-unpredictable Nick Turani, the PMT crew set out on a brand new campaign titled the Sunless Citadel. While the setting was new, the energy was vintage PMT, complete with over-the-top costumes and immediate internal friction.
Timm Woods came prepared with his own custom Dungeon Master mug and a warning for the guys. Apparently, he has been running this exact campaign for listeners over the last six months, and the bar has been set high.
Timm WoodsThe award-winning listeners who play D&D are the 'elite of the elite' and will judge the hosts' performance
I've been running this adventure for [the fans]... there's at least a hundred of them out there who have played this adventure with me. No judgment, we're gonna continue to do whatever we want... But be aware the fans will be judging you. You guys, they finish this adventure many times.
The character builds were exactly what you'd expect. Big Cat suited up as Norm the Barbarian (dressed as Hulk Hogan), PFT became Wayne the Bard (dressed as Kid Rock), and Jake took on the mantle of Cake the Wizard. Hank returned as Erlic the Warlock, Billy played a War Priest, and Nick Turani rounded out the group as Greg the Paladin. Things went south almost immediately when Jake tried to climb a rope into a ravine, fell, and nearly died before the first encounter even started.
As they navigated the ravine, they encountered "plant creatures" known as blights. Billy, naturally, wanted to know if he could smoke them, but PFT was quick to point out the potential downsides of Billy getting too high during a quest.
PFT CommenterBilly Football will get anxiety if he tries to smoke the 'plant creatures' in D&D
You don't want Billy to smoke these guys. He'll get anxiety. Can you ruin everybody this afternoon? ... Just weed. I'm too strong.
One of the most impressive moments of the episode came when the guys entered a room with a small lizard creature named Mepo. PFT decided to "dragon-board" the creature using a Zone of Truth spell to extract information. While they got some tactical advice, they also asked the questions that truly mattered to the PMT universe, specifically regarding Hank’s legendary losing streak.
Timm WoodsHank has never correctly guessed the lottery ball and never will
Can you ask him if Hank's ever gotten the lottery ball? Correct. [Mepo]: Never. Never... [Mepo] doesn't even know how he knew that it's just in his body and it came bursting out. Liar, liar style. Just like, no.
The middle of the episode was heavy on the sports metaphors, as Big Cat and PFT couldn't help but see the "fields" of blights through the lens of the Chicago Bears' offseason. While discussing whether to trade the fields or protect them, the conversation took a very specific turn toward quarterback evaluations.
Big CatJustin Fields is promising but has significant durability issues and struggles when stationary
If we have the field, sounds like it's been very promising for the last at least six months... Issues, however, lot durability issues, a lot of durability issues. ... As long as long as there's people protecting him in front, he's gonna be fine. Okay. Way more problems when he is just stationary.
PFT CommenterThe Bears should consider trading Justin Fields for more assets to get younger
Maybe I could trade the fields because I want to get young... [He] seems like he's been very promising for the last, at least six months or so... can you give us more assets?
As the quest reached its climax, the party faced a massive betrayal. In a move that shocked exactly no one, PFT’s character Wayne decided that the best way to earn the trust of the local goblins was to offer up a sacrifice. Unfortunately for Hank, he was the closest target. PFT tried to spin it as a career-defining achievement for Erlic.
PFT CommenterSacrificing Hank in the game is for the good of the team and is actually a high honor
There's nothing against you. This is for the good of the team. ... In many ancient cultures, it was an honor to be sacrificed to the gods. ... You just basically won a Super Bowl. Congrats.
Hank’s character met an embarrassing end, involving a failed death save and a very descriptive accident in his pants. However, the rest of the group found that without the Warlock's constant chirping, their coordination reached peak levels.
Big CatThe D&D team works much better together now that Hank's character is dead
I just wanna say we have great teamwork now that Erlic [Hank] is dead. ... We are squad.
The episode wrapped up with Jake redeeming himself by incinerating a tree (and a dragon) with a series of Scorching Rays, while Nick Turani’s character Greg safely escaped the dungeon and promptly lied to their mentor about everyone else being traitors. It was a 3-hour odyssey of chaos, bad dice rolls, and incredible storytelling from Timm Woods.
Hank might be dead and covered in his own waste, but at least the blights are gone.
