PMT DB
PMT DB
Dana Holgorsen and Mike Leach on Gardner Minshew, Mascots, and Week 2 Picks
Thursday Night Football gave us a look at two teams moving in very different directions, though mostly we just learned that Cam Newton’s shoulder and soul might be officially cooked. The Bucs escaped with a win, but the real story was Cam’s inability to throw the ball more than ten yards downfield or execute a basic fourth-and-one.
Big CatCam Newton is broken and doesn't look right physically or mentally
Cam Newton is broken. He just doesn't look right. Every receiver, he either missed the throw or put it where they shouldn't be thrown. He would just simple passes. They were not thrown in the right position. And the whole night, it felt like the Panthers should have won that game. They didn't win that game because Cam Newton is broken. His soul is injured. His body's injured. His soul is injured. He is not right.
While some people spent their morning complaining about the aesthetic quality of a 20-14 game, Big Cat was ready to fight the haters. Football is football, and the Thursday night slate is a gift regardless of whether Jameis Winston looks like a slapstick infomercial actor.
Big CatThursday Night Football is always good regardless of the game quality
Everyone who says Thursday night football sucks fuck you. It's football. It happens every single year. They're like this is Thursday night football this is atrocious you really want to watch this oh yes i do i want to watch it every thursday if there was not thursday night football i'd have nothing to look forward to on thursday this is thursday night football i don't care if it's bad i really don't i just want to watch football
The Mono Era in New York
In perhaps the most Jets news ever, Sam Darnold has been sidelined with mononucleosis. While Adam Gase is out here knocking on doors like he's in a scene from *Love Actually* to deliver the news, the guys looked for a silver lining. Big Cat is surprisingly high on the Trevor Siemian era, mostly because the floor for QB play in Jersey is already subterranean.
Big CatTrevor Siemian is not a significant downgrade from the current version of Sam Darnold
Trevor Siemian. Not terrible. Northwestern guy. He's not terrible. Trevor Siemian is not good, but he's also not terrible. He's not a huge, huge downgrade over Sam Darnold. Of what Sam Darnold currently is.
Naturally, the mono diagnosis and the move to Siemian haven't scared Big Cat off from the betting board. In fact, he’s leaning into the chaos for Monday Night Football.
Big CatI am betting the Jets +6.5 against the Browns on Monday Night Football
I'm going to take the Jets on Monday night. Are you really? Yeah. Dude, this is a classic situation where everyone freaks out and everyone's like, oh, Sam Darnold's out. The Jets stink now. And it's six and a half points. And Trevor Simmons, he might not win the game, but he'll be good enough to keep him around.
Week 2 Picks and Meltdown Warnings
The board for Week 2 is officially set, and the stakes are highest in Denver. Big Cat is already on the verge of an emotional collapse regarding the Bears' matchup with the Broncos. If Mitchell Trubisky can't outplay Joe Flacco, we might witness the first-ever live-streamed personal riot.
Big CatIf the Bears lose to the Broncos and Joe Flacco, I will have a full-blown meltdown
I have been threatening all week that I will melt down if the Bears lose to the shitty Broncos and the even shittier Joe Flacco. If the Bears lose on Sunday. It's a meltdown. I'm promising a meltdown. I will stomp my feet. I will say mean things to people around me that I will later on regret... I might even cry a little. I'm going to yell at people. I'm going to tweet at people really mad. The Bears cannot lose this game.
Elsewhere on the slate, the Dolphins and Patriots are providing the biggest line of the weekend. Hank is staying loyal to the empire, while PFT is looking for a backdoor cover from the worst roster in recent memory.
HankThe Patriots will cover -18.5 against the Dolphins
I know it's a crazy line. It's outrageous, but it's one of those things where there's going to be no better thrill than rooting for the Patriots to cover 18 and a half. I can unbiasedly tell you that the Patriots are going to cover 18 and a half.
PFT CommenterThe Dolphins will cover +18.5 against the Patriots
I like the Dolphins [at +18.5]. And it's one of these things where the universe is taunting me, saying you won't take the shitty Dolphins, possibly the worst team in the last five years of the NFL. But everyone's talking about how bad they are... I'm going to count wins against the spread here as wins for the Dolphins.
Cougar on Cougar Action
Ahead of the Friday night matchup between Houston and Washington State, both Dana Holgorsen and Mike Leach stopped by to talk some trash and settle the important issues. Coach Holgorsen, sporting a freshly cut (but still wild) mane, reminisced about their time together at Iowa Wesleyan where he was apparently a high-vertical, slow-footed rebounding machine.
When Mike Leach took the mic, the conversation immediately shifted to his former pupil Gardner Minshew and his legendary locker room habits. Leach confirmed that Minshew’s aura involves aviators, headbands, and a lot of running in place while nearly naked. Beyond the personality, Leach is a believer in the Minshew Magic at the next level.
Mike LeachGardner Minshew is going to be a pretty good player in the NFL
I think he's going to be a pretty good player. And I saw the story that said that he used to do band workouts in the locker room naked... Yeah, he would, well, not really band workouts. Uh, there's a combination of dancing and running in place... He's like one of the most passionate players I've ever coached.
We couldn't let the Pirate leave without a definitive breakdown of the mascot landscape. While Alabama's Big Al might be an elephant, Leach is confident that the elusiveness of a guy in a Cougar suit could carry the day.
Mike LeachWashington State's mascot Butch T. Cougar beats Alabama's Big Al if it's a guy in a costume
Well, if they get a real elephant, we're in trouble... But if it's a guy in a costume, I'm going to go with the elusiveness of Butch [T. Cougar].
Mike LeachButch T. Cougar beats the Notre Dame Leprechaun unless the Leprechaun is actually magic
That leprechaun better actually be magic because otherwise I'm going to go with Butch.
Before heading off to prepare for Houston, Leach gave us a masterclass in his offensive philosophy. To Leach, the concept of a receiver being "covered" is mostly a myth if you're running the right route tree.
Mike LeachYou are always open at some point when running the 'Four Verticals' play
On four verticals, you're always open at some point. You're either open underneath the coverage or you're open when the coverage transitions, or you're open behind the coverage... you're open in the windows. You're always open somewhere. The difficult thing is executing.
Fyre Fest and Earholes
To wrap things up, the guys looked at the news that Justify’s Triple Crown might be tainted by a failed drug test. PFT has a very specific branding solution for the horse, while Big Cat is just mourning the loss of the only sport he thought was clean.
PFT CommenterJustify should be branded with an asterisk like cattle
You know what they should do? They should fucking brand him with an asterisk. Like a cattle brand. He's going to have to wear that on his hindquarters for the rest of his days.
Big CatJustify's Triple Crown should be vacated because the horse is a cheater
Justify is a cheater. The horse. I hope you're sitting down... Horse racing is not on the up and up. Justify tested positive for using a banned substance... As far as we know, Justify is guilty as sin, and his triple crown win should be, what, vacated? Are we doing that? I would like my money back.
Finally, the Chicago Cubs have pushed Big Cat to the limit. Between the bullpen collapses and the speculation surrounding Joe Maddon, the North Side is currently a factory of sadness and frustration.
Big CatThe Chicago Cubs are the most maddening and frustrating team I've ever watched
My fire fest is the Chicago cups. They're the most maddening team, frustrating team I've ever watched. They just want to toy with everyone's hearts and they win one game, lose one game, lose two games. Don't score for a week. Then they look awesome... I am at the point where I'm just I don't even know what I want anymore.
Hopefully, Sam Darnold spent his weekend catching up on *Dog the Bounty Hunter* and staying away from any more "girls of age" until that spleen is back to normal.
