PMT DB
PMT DB
Jeff Ross on Roast Secrets and Chris Long on Episode 500
We made it. 500 episodes of Pardon My Take are in the books, and Big Cat and PFT Commenter celebrated by moving into a brand new studio that sounds like it was built directly on top of a bobsled track or a very active bowling alley. To mark the occasion, the guys brought back their first-ever guest, Chris Long, for a literal four minutes of "Four Good Minutes" to catch up on his retirement and his 7% contribution to the show's success.
Warriors, Raptors, and the 100-Point Hypothetical
The NBA Finals kicked off with the Raptors taking Game 1, which led to some immediate speculation about Kevin Durant's mental state while watching from the sidelines. PFT noted that Durant is likely the only person in America whose injury heals faster every time his teammates miss a jumper.
PFT CommenterKevin Durant must feel great seeing the Warriors struggle in Game 1
The more important news, [Kevin Durant]'s got to be feeling real good right now. Very conflicted, [Kevin Durant]. Real good. That sound you hear is [Kevin Durant]'s calf magically healing itself.
Despite the Raptors' hot start and Pascal Siakam playing like a man possessed, Big Cat isn't ready to bury the dynasty just yet. He expects the Warriors to find their gear, even if it takes a few games for the rust to shake off.
Big CatThe Warriors will most likely win the rest of the NBA Finals
The Raptors win game one... and the Warriors now have to say, ooh, hopefully Kevin Durant will come back, or most likely they'll just become the Warriors again and probably win the rest of the season.
Big CatThe NBA Finals between the Raptors and Warriors will go at least six games
I'm just excited that it's going to at least go five. And we at least push that bet, Hank, of how many more NBA games are there going to be. I think it will go six at least.
The most heated debate of the show revolved around a classic PMT hypothetical: could Big Cat, PFT, Hank, Bubba, and a rotating fifth man hold a 100-point lead against the Warriors if the game started in the 4th quarter? Hank, in a rare moment of supreme confidence, thinks they'd cruise.
HankWe would easily beat the Warriors if we started the 4th quarter with a 100-point lead
No, easy. We win by 30 [if we had a 100-point lead against the Golden State Warriors at the start of the fourth quarter].
Big Cat was far more realistic, pointing out that they probably wouldn't even be able to inbound the ball against a professional press. PFT, however, believes he has a secret weapon that Steph Curry simply isn't prepared to defend.
PFT CommenterI am stronger than Steph Curry and could box him out
I actually do think I'm stronger than Steph Curry... I could box Steph Curry out... I got a much bigger ass. My ass is... Steph does not know how to handle an ass.
The Roast Master and the Mission Impossible Mediation
Jeff Ross joined the show to discuss his new Netflix series *Historical Roasts*, but the conversation quickly shifted to the legendary prank war he had with Cousin Sal. The feud got so dark after Sal lied to Jeff about being "safe" on *Dancing with the Stars*—leading to Jeff being unprepared for his elimination—that it required a Hollywood heavyweight to step in. Tom Cruise actually mediated the dispute at Jimmy Kimmel’s house, forcing Sal to apologize while holding a football like a sacred relic.
Jeff also broke down the psychology of the roast, explaining that the worst thing you can do to a person isn't making a mean joke, but ignoring them entirely.
Jeff RossBeing ignored at a roast is meaner than being made fun of
That's almost meaner [to go soft]. If I ignore you at a roast, it means either you can't take it or I don't care about you.
As the talk turned to the lifestyle of the rich and famous, Big Cat floated a theory that the ultra-wealthy aren't just buying better cars, but entirely different biological realities.
Big CatAll extremely rich people have access to secret, high-end designer drugs
I'm convinced that all rich people have access to these designer drugs that are so fucking cool that no one will ever hear about. They all do their rich people drugs that no one else has access to, like the everlasting gobstopper that they can have that just live forever.
Fyre Fest and Not Afraid To Go There
PFT’s Fyre Fest of the week was a double whammy of a broken rib and a vow to finally quit the Juul. He’s taking it so seriously that he’s putting out an open bounty on his own face for any fan who catches him slipping.
PFT CommenterI am officially quitting the Juul and invite fans to slap me if they catch me using it
I'm also quitting Juul, which is official... If you catch me Juuling, slap me. If you see me with that motherfucking thing on me, slap me right in my jaw.
In a special New Zealand Breakers edition of "Not Afraid To Go There," Big Cat took aim at Doug Gottlieb for his criticism of RJ Hampton. Gottlieb called the 18-year-old "classless" for how he handled his recruitment, a take that Big Cat found particularly rich coming from the college coaching fraternity.
Big CatDoug Gottlieb is classless for blaming RJ Hampton's parents for his decision to play in New Zealand
To call out his parents is like such a weird fucking move, dude. Just a weird, weird move... it's a crazy move to call an 18-year-old a douchebag for wanting to make a decision for himself.
We wrapped things up with some Scottie Pippen news that honestly makes more sense the more you think about it. If someone trashes your house with crayons, you don't look at the age on the birth certificate; you look at the damages.
Big CatI agree with Scottie Pippen's decision to sue a five-year-old for drawing on his walls
Scottie Pippen... he's suing a five-year-old. But I read it, and I actually agree with him. So essentially... the people trashed the house, and part of the trashing of the house was someone took crayons to all the walls, and it was most likely a five-year-old. So boom, you're getting sued. I like that.
Here is to 500 more episodes of being exactly this stupid.
