PMT DB
PMT DB
Psychic Asir on Speaking to Death and NBA Free Agency
NBA free agency is lurking around the corner, and Big Cat already knows exactly how the Kevin Durant sweepstakes will end. Despite every team in the league preparing a lavish dinner and a pitch deck for KD, the outcome feels inevitable.
Big CatKevin Durant will end up staying with the Oklahoma City Thunder
NBA free agency is here, and that means one thing... it's going to be Kevin Durant mania, even though he's going to end up just going back to Oklahoma City.
PFT Commenter has a better idea for the teams that miss out on the superstar. Instead of just walking away empty-handed, there should be a tangible penalty for a failed recruiting pitch.
PFT CommenterEvery NBA team that fails to recruit Kevin Durant should be forced to have Harrison Barnes play for them for one week as punishment
I was going to say every team that doesn't get Kevin Durant to play for him should have to have Harrison Barnes, like, play one week for them next year. That's their point. So that way you've got a little, like, skin in the game... if you fail in their recruiting.
Speaking of free agency, Dwyane Wade being on a banana boat with LeBron James and Chris Paul is the ultimate summer subplot. Big Cat noted that LeBron took the back of the boat last year to assert dominance, but PFT Commenter thinks the physics of water sports suggest otherwise.
PFT CommenterThe alpha move on a banana boat is sitting in the front
I would say that the alpha move is sitting at the front of the banana boat... if you're sitting up front, you're the guy that's having a blast. Everybody else is just dealing with your runoffs.
Mount Rushmore of Mountains
To survive the summer sports lull, the debate turned to the Mount Rushmore of Mountains. It’s a literal interpretation of the segment that somehow took a dark turn into geography and anatomy. PFT Commenter set the tone early by calling out anyone who tries to be too cool for the obvious picks.
PFT CommenterIf you don't include Mount Rushmore on a 'Mount Rushmore' list, you are trying way too hard
If you guys don't put Mount Rushmore on the list, you're trying way too hard.
Big Cat brought his usual brand of stubbornness to the list, refusing to acknowledge any recent name changes for America's highest peaks.
Big CatI refuse to call Mount McKinley by the name Denali
I have Mount McKinley. I refuse to call it Denali. Screw that. It's Mount McKinley to me.
Hank somehow won the segment by actually listing real mountains he found on Google, like Mount Lhotse and Kanchenjunga, which sounded more like he was having a stroke than naming landmasses.
An Audience with Death
After a month filled with the passing of legends like Pat Summitt, Buddy Ryan, and Muhammad Ali, Big Cat was convinced he might have accidentally hexed the world by taking Death’s "man card" in a previous episode. To fix it, the guys visited Asir, a psychic who can supposedly talk to the other side. She started by channeling Buddy Ryan and giving him some closure.
AsirBuddy Ryan was a good soul with a good heart despite his angry appearance
As angry as he appeared to many people, he really had a very good heart, a good soul. And he was a doer. He was a doer, an accomplisher. Whatever he put his mind and heart to do, he did and accomplished.
The conversation then shifted to the most important soul lost this year: Harambe. Asir confirmed what the internet has known all along about that fateful day at the Cincinnati Zoo.
AsirHarambe the gorilla had no intentions of hurting the child in the enclosure
He wasn't going to hurt the child. Exactly. He had no intentions of hurting the child at all... He was playing with the child. He was helping the child out of the moat. Exactly. His intentions were not to hurt the child. That I can feel clear.
In a shocking twist, Asir claimed she could "intercept" a scheduled departure. She felt that Tommy Lasorda was next on the list but managed to put in a good word with the higher powers to keep the Dodgers legend around a bit longer.
AsirTommy Lasorda was about to die but his life has been saved through prayer
There's one more. That's about to go, actually... It's Tommy Lasorda. but we may have intercepted here okay we may have... I think that we've already done that.
PR 101 and Segments
Johnny Manziel is currently in Cabo wearing a Josh Gordon jersey, which is about as on-brand as it gets for him. While his father is calling him a druggie on social media, PFT Commenter thinks Johnny just needs a simple medical excuse to reset his image.
PFT CommenterJohnny Manziel should claim he has diarrhea to fix his reputation
The PR coming out of this is he just says when he comes back that he's got massive diarrhea from Mexico... if you just say explicitly like I've got diarrhea to your boss, your boss is going to be like, yeah, okay, don't go down that road with me. Johnny comes back... and he tells everybody, hey, guys. Sorry. The Montezuma's revenge.
In a new segment called "Well, That Makes Sense," the guys looked at James Harrison’s demand that Roger Goodell come to his house if he wants an interview. Big Cat envisions a scenario where the NFL Commissioner walks into a literal house of horrors.
Big CatJames Harrison's home is likely filled with booby traps for Roger Goodell
James Harrison also said that if Roger Goodell wants to interview him, he has to come to his house... That's Home Alone featuring James Harrison with booby traps everywhere for Roger Goodell. He's going to have the blowtorch. He's going to have the ornaments out.
The show wrapped up with Big Cat celebrating his career pinnacle: finally being acknowledged by the King of Brands himself, Darren Rovell.
Big CatI officially made it in life because Darren Rovell included my tweet in a headline round-up
Guys, I made it. I officially made it in life. I made it on Darren Rovell's headline tweets... Miracle on Iceland. Come on. Just tell me. That's pretty good. I mean, I'm there. You guys are now in the presence of greatness.
If being featured in a Rovell tweet isn't the peak of sports media, nothing is.
