Josh Allen stinks and doesn't pass my eyeball test

I personally think Josh Allen stinks. I've watched him play every time. He doesn't pass my eyeball test, which is, as most people know, probably the hardest test to pass.

The media is inflating the severity of Tom Brady's hand injury to give the Jaguars a reason for people to watch

If the Patriots are playing the Steelers and this hand thing happened, they wouldn't even be talking about it. But they know that the Jaguars, they need a storyline, they need a reason for people to watch, they need a reason to believe, so they're inflating the severity of his hand.

Tom Brady will throw for three touchdowns and 350 yards against the Jaguars despite his hand injury

I think it's pretty obvious. Brady's going to come out. He's going to throw for three touchdowns, 350 yards. I don't think it's going to really make a difference.

The Patriots are a bigger lock this week than they were last week and they'll hit the Over

I'm going to take the Patriots. I'm going to say that they're more of a lock this week than they were last week... I would take the over. I probably won't, but I'm just going to load up on the Patriots.

I'm taking the Jaguars and the Under against the Patriots

After I thought about it for a while, I'm going to take the Jaguars in the under.

The Vikings have acquired Team of Destiny status

The Vikings have now acquired Team of Destiny status. After last week's win [Minneapolis Miracle], that is a win that you only get if you have a horseshoe up your ass.

I like the Vikings and the Over in the NFC Championship

I like the Vikings, and I like the over. Over-under is 39... I think there's going to be a couple big plays that are just random.

The Vikings will win the NFC Championship but the game will go Under

I'm going to take the Vikings, but I'm going to take the under. I like Philly's defense, I think, a little bit more than you.

I'm taking the Eagles and the Under against the Vikings

I like the Eagles and I like the under, but I want the Eagles to lose in a heartbreaker just so we can get a bunch of drunk Philadelphians walking around with dog masks all night.

The Jaguars are the best team in football talent-wise

Jacksonville is the best team in football. They have the best players on the field on a week-to-week basis. I said, the problem is you've got to knock them down a few ranks because they have the 70th best quarterback.

Rob Gronkowski is the greatest tight end and greatest mismatch in the history of football

Gronk is... He's unguardable. He's unguardable. He's the greatest mismatch in the history of football. He's the greatest tight end in the history of football.

The Vikings will beat the Eagles 23-17 in a close NFC Championship game

I'm going to pick Minnesota in a close football game... I think it's an ugly game, but like a 23-17, 20-17 Vikings win.

If Bill Belichick worked on Wall Street, he would be the Wolf of Wall Street

Belichick is one of the smartest humans I've ever been around. If he was working on Wall Street, he'd be the Wolf of Wall Street. He is the great thinker. He analyzes everything.

Notre Dame is back to being a consistent Top 15 football program

I do think Notre Dame's going to be back into the... definitely top 15, I think, consistently type of football team once again... yes, I do think they're back into the national conversation.

Adam Schefter covering the NBA has become a distraction

And this one is for our little pee boy... Adam Schefter, who was scooped on the Todd Haley news when he was on the Le Batard show talking about the NBA. Yeah, has the NBA become a distraction for Adam Schefter?

If you appear on a screen for your job, you should be allowed to use steroids

My new rule is if in the course of your profession, you appear on a screen, you should be allowed to use steroids. That's a fair... It should be legal... If you appear on a screen in your job, just go ahead and shoot up whatever you want.