Hall of Famer Tommy Lasorda + Mt Rushmore Of Fictional Bar/Restaurants

The NFL is dead because of the new preseason penalty rules

Today is Monday, August 20th, and the NFL's dead. Yeah, it's absolutely, there's no reason to watch the games this year, because everything's a flag. Yep, preseason football has shown us. We're not overreacting, guys. I saw a couple clips on Twitter. It's over.

NFL referees should have a finite amount of flags to throw per game

How about the refs get a certain amount of flags? So there's a finite amount of flags that they can throw. So they each get like five flags. And once they're out, it's just – and you know it. The players know like, okay, that ref has thrown – let's say the guy who's reffing the secondary has thrown all five of his flags in the fourth quarter. Just fucking do whatever you want because you can't throw anything.

Betting the over early in the NFL season is a smart move due to the high volume of penalties

What do you think about betting a lot of overs early in the season? ... I talked myself into that big time last night.

Teddy Bridgewater is not a better quarterback than Blake Bortles

Can I just say fuck everyone for thinking that Teddy Bridgewater is better than Blake Bortles? ... Blake had a bad wrist last year, and he got it cleaned up. And he was a quarter away from the Super Bowl, so everyone just shut up.

Dak Prescott stinks out loud

Oh, Dak Prescott stinks. He stinks out loud. ... August 20th, and the Dallas Cowboys are dead. Dead. Dead on arrival. Sorry, Jerry.

Nick Saban stays on top because he has a factory where he personally shits out new players

I think Nick Saban personally shits players out. Because he chews them out in practice, and then he digests them for a while, and he takes a crap, and boom, I got a linebacker. ... I'd be like, yes, Nick Saban has a factory where he shits players out.

Roadhouse is the most badass movie of all time and is the opposite of a nerd movie

It's literally like the most badass movie of all time. It is the opposite of a nerd movie. Hey, Hank, I fuck guys like you. I fuck guys like you in jail. That's a Roadhouse quote. Think about that. Put that in your head.

The current Dodgers have the best team in baseball and should be back in the World Series

I think that our team, our team should be in the World Series again because we have the best team today. And they're going to show now that the time has come where we really have to go.

Ted Williams is the greatest hitter in baseball history

Who's the best hitter you've ever seen in your life? Ted Williams. ... This guy could hit like nobody I've ever seen. I'm telling you, he was amazing.

No baseball player will ever hit .400 again unless they cheat

Do you think anybody's going to hit 400 again? No. No. Only way they'll hit 400 is a cheat. ... Nobody hit 400.

Modern baseball players are too distracted by video games like Fortnite

Yeah, they're playing their Fortnite and video games. ... That's what's happening to the players today. They're too much involved with the games.

The Eagles will miss the playoffs because Nick Foles and Carson Wentz are both injured

So when I'm doing the math, I think the Eagles just have two hurt quarterbacks for the entire year, and they're going to miss the playoffs. Hot take.

Major League Baseball should have teams play on a Little League field for one night

I don't understand why Major League Baseball, to capture the imagination of America for one night – doesn't have the MLB teams play on a Little League field. ... The infield will make regulation. The fence will be 200 feet. ... tell me that wouldn't be the greatest thing ever.

Millennials are killing breasts because they are desensitized by the internet

Millennials are killing boobs. So boobs are on the hot seat. ... Hooters is going through some down times. ... It's actually just because millennials aren't going to the restaurants anymore because they don't like boobs. ... By the time you're 18, you're like a seasoned veteran.