PMT DB
PMT DB
NFL Week 1 Recap, Deshaun Watson's Disaster, and Kendrick Lamar to the Super Bowl
Football is finally back and the gambling cave was humming as Big Cat, PFT, and the rest of the crew watched a Sunday that reminded everyone why the NFL owns our souls. Between the chaos of the Brazilian sod father making players slip like they were on a cartoon banana peel and the realization that some quarterbacks might actually be allergic to throwing for more than 200 yards, week one delivered. The vibes were high, the takes were hot, and the overreactions are already reaching mid-season form.
The Brazil Experiment and Friday Night Lights
The weekend technically started on Friday in Sao Paulo, which gave us plenty of time to dissect the Eagles' sloppy win over the Packers. While the grass was the main talking point for most of the world, Big Cat had a different target in mind when it came to Jordan Love's late-game injury scare.
Big CatJalen Carter is a dirty player who tried to injure Jordan Love
The grass had nothing to do with that injury. You can blame Jalen Carter for being dirty, dirty player. Trying to injure people. Yeah. I think that would be the more the blame.
With Love expected to miss a few weeks, the conversation naturally turned to who the Packers would bring in to stabilize the ship. While Malik Willis is the internal option, PFT has his eyes on a much more controversial free agent that would certainly make Green Bay the most talked-about team in the league.
PFT CommenterThe Green Bay Packers are considering Colin Kaepernick as a bridge quarterback
Part of My Take is reporting that Colin Kaepernick is in consideration by some to be the Green Bay Packers Bridge quarterback. Yes. So Jordan Love returns.
Caleb's Debut and the Survival of the Bears
Chicago was buzzing for the debut of Caleb Williams, but the actual performance on the field was a stark reminder that life as a rookie quarterback in the Windy City is rarely easy. The Bears managed to move to 1-0 despite an offensive output that would make a Big Ten West team blush, relying entirely on a dominant defense and special teams units that decided to take matters into their own hands.
Big CatCaleb Williams' debut performance was really bad but doesn't matter since the Bears won
The Bears are one and oh, they did not score an offensive touchdown. Caleb Williams looks really bad, but the Bears are one and oh and I don't give a fuck. Well, I do actually care a little bit because I really wish he had played better because he was not good.
Big Cat was visibly relieved to escape with a win, noting that the discourse would have been unbearable if the Bears had lost while Caleb struggled to find a rhythm. Across the league, rookie performances were a mixed bag, but some veterans didn't fare much better. The Cardinals lost a heartbreaker to the Bills, but they did manage to win over some fans in the process.
Big CatThe Arizona Cardinals are officially a fun watch team this year
The Cardinals are gonna be my official, this is just a fun watch team because Kyler looked awesome. Their defense is not great. They didn't even get Marvin Harrison going. James Conner is still the angriest, most upright runner that God ever created and yeah, I think they're just officially a fun team to watch.
The Deshaun Watson Disaster and Tom Brady's Booth Debut
The afternoon window was highlighted by the Cowboys dismantling the Browns, but the real story was the continued collapse of Deshaun Watson. As Tom Brady made his much-anticipated broadcasting debut, he was forced to watch a performance so bad it made the record-breaking contract Watson signed look like a clerical error. PFT didn't hold back on the financial implications of the Browns' commitment.
PFT CommenterDeshaun Watson has the worst contract in sports history
Deshaun Watson might have the worst contract ever. Impossible to beat. I maybe not even the worst NFL contract ever. Maybe not even the worst sports contract ever. Deshaun Watson might have the worst contract ever.
It wasn't just the money; it was the total lack of competitive fire on the field. Big Cat found a way to spin Watson’s struggles into the ultimate backhanded compliment regarding his status as a person versus his status as a passer.
Big CatDeshaun Watson is a better human being than football player because he is so bad at football
Deshaun Watson's so bad at football now, I think you could say that he's a, a better person than football player. I would say as good as he is a quarterback, even better human being. Yeah. That's how bad he is in football now. Yeah. He's a better human than football player.
Friend of the program Johnny Fanta even weighed in with a legendary rant, sounding like a man who had officially reached his breaking point with the Cleveland organization. Fanta’s "ticked" meter was off the charts as he grouped Watson with some of the other struggling signal-callers from the weekend.
John FantaDeshaun Watson is on par with Bryce Young and Daniel Jones and should be benched
He's not great. He's not good. He's not even average right now. I put him on par with Bryce Young or Daniel Jones. He can go stand in line with them, rip the bandaid off before it's too late. Deshaun Watson's done... folks, he can't play. I'm ticked.
Harbaugh's Return and Bo Nix's Confidence
Jim Harbaugh is officially back in the NFL, and he brought his brand of smash-mouth, nose-tackle-as-a-fullback football to Los Angeles. The Chargers' win over the Raiders was the most Harbaugh game imaginable, complete with post-game locker room freakouts and a team that clearly believes they can run through a brick wall for their coach.
Big CatThe Los Angeles Chargers will be successful because Jim Harbaugh makes the team believe they can win
This team is not that talented, but he's going to get them to believe that they can win any game and they will win a couple games because of that... I'm buying on the Chargers just because of Harbaugh.
Meanwhile, in Denver, Bo Nix had a debut that was the polar opposite of Caleb Williams'. While Williams was tentative, Nix was firing the ball with a level of confidence that didn't always match the actual accuracy of the throw. PFT saw some very familiar shades in the rookie's game.
PFT CommenterBo Nix is the heir apparent to Jameis Winston
Bo Nix might be the heir apparent to Jameis. He's one of the funnier on field quarterbacks. 'cause everything that he does, he does with Supreme confidence. And when he throws interception, he throws the fuck out of the interception.
Kendrick Lamar and the Super Bowl Slap
To wrap things up, the crew hit on the news that Kendrick Lamar will be performing at the Super Bowl in New Orleans. The timing feels like the ultimate victory lap for Kendrick following his summer feud with Drake, and Hank thinks the selection process might have had a little bit of pettiness behind it from the league's musical consultant.
HankJay-Z picked Kendrick Lamar for the Super Bowl halftime show just to spite Drake
Jay-Z doesn't like Drake. So he basically did the opposite. He took Kendrick. Also, Kendrick Lamar. Yeah. They're just gonna make it to the Drake can never watch a Super Bowl again.
Whether it's spite or just good business, Kendrick on the big stage is a massive win, even if Drake has to watch from the sidelines while 70,000 people scream the lyrics to "Not Like Us."
We're officially one week down, and our brains are already fried from the parity.
