PMT DB
PMT DB
Blake Bortles on Snow, 1936 Rowing, and a Harambe Tribute
Big Cat and PFT are testing out a new Saturday format called "It's Saturday, Let's Get Weird." To kick things off, they hosted the inaugural meeting of the Blake Bortles Wikipedia Club. Since Andrew Luck shunned the show for his actual book club, the guys decided to lean into the fact that they don't really read books and instead focus on the world's most accessible knowledge base. It turns out Blake Bortles fits right in, admitting he might own zero books.
The Snow Report
The first assignment was the Wikipedia page for "Snow," and the reviews were mixed. Blake Bortles noted that the page was surprisingly long, especially the sections on damage and snowflake types. PFT took issue with the editing of the page, specifically the lack of religious context.
PFT CommenterThe Wikipedia author for 'Snow' was lazy for omitting God from the entry
They didn't talk about God at all in the snow entry. And it's like, why are you going to leave out the main protagonist in your writing? I thought that the author was kind of lazy in leaving that part out.
While Big Cat admitted to using a "15 Incredible Facts About Snow" listicle rather than doing the actual reading, he did come prepared with some knowledge that challenged everything we knew about winter weather.
Big CatIt is a myth that no two snowflakes are the same
It's actually not true that no two snowflakes are the same. Did you guys know that? I did not know that... But in 1988, a scientist found two identical snow crystals that came from the same storm in Wisconsin.
Between the facts about igloo insulation and sound absorption, PFT found a way to turn the reading into a competitive advantage for an NFL quarterback. He suggested Blake use the "lake effect" to his advantage when playing the Browns.
PFT CommenterWhen playing in Cleveland, you should throw to the side of the field farthest from the lake to avoid lake-effect snow
One thing that jumped off the page at me was the part about lake effect snow... as something that you can take away and practice from this, when you play up in Cleveland, throw the football to the side of the field that's farthest away from the lake to avoid the snow as much as possible.
PFT CommenterTeams playing in Seattle should use snow machines to drown out the crowd noise
I also learned that snow is a sound absorber. So like if you ever have a game up in Seattle, I don't know if you can like rent a snow machine, but to kind of drown out the crowd noise a little bit, maybe you could just like drop a bunch of snow on them.
1936 Olympic Rowing and Florida PR
The club also touched on the 1936 University of Washington rowing team. While the guys were mostly fascinated by the fact that a college team could take down world-class athletes (and Nazis), PFT used it as a springboard for one of the most debated topics in sports history.
PFT CommenterA college team like Alabama could potentially beat a professional NFL team
Doesn't that say that maybe after all, like an Alabama football team could beat some professional football teams? [Blake Bortles: Yeah, I mean, I guess it's kind of like the miracle on ice back in the day. You know, I guess there's always a possibility.]
Before letting Blake go, Big Cat and PFT offered some free PR advice regarding the viral "Jaguars Lady" fan spotted at a Publix. Blake was fully on board with bringing her into the fold, though he questioned her podcast listening habits.
Blake BortlesThe viral Jaguars 'lady' fan should be given sideline passes and locker room access
I mean, she needs to be, like, sideline pass minimum, possibly in the locker room. [Big Cat: If you want to win some nice internet PR, go viral, let's get Jacksonville Jaguars lady some season tickets on Blake Bortles.]
Blake also proved he actually did some independent research for next month's meeting, suggesting the "John Thomas sign" as a future topic. It’s a medical phenomenon that apparently doubles as a fantasy football injury tracker.
Blake BortlesI am a negative John Thomas sign candidate
I just want you guys to know that I'm actually a negative John Thomas sign candidate... [PFT: So your penis points away from your injuries.] That's correct.
A Tribute to Harambe
To close out the first Saturday special, the guys delivered a performance that will surely live on in the Barstool archives. With PFT as Harambe, Big Cat as Harambe's ghost, and Hank as the zookeeper, they performed a full acapella cover of "Bohemian Rhapsody" with lyrics modified to honor the fallen gorilla of the Cincinnati Zoo. It was raw, it was emotional, and it was deeply weird.
Learn on and Jag off.
