Ross Tucker

Phil Jackson's master plan was to get paid for screwing up the Knicks

Phil's master plan was to get paid for screwing up a franchise and he's getting paid. He's just like [fucking] the ground, having a good time, getting paid for it. He played James Dolan like a fiddle.

Chris Paul hated Doc Rivers because of the preferential treatment given to Austin Rivers

Chris Paul hated Doc Rivers ever since he brought Austin Rivers on and basically didn't yell at Austin Rivers and treated him exactly like his child.

The 2017 Cubs are fine and will win the NL Central

The Cubs are fine until they finish 81-81 and probably win the Central. I have decided I'm going to keep telling myself the Cubs are fine.

Bryce Harper will sign with the Cubs

Bryce Harper wants to play in pinstripes. He's going to look good in pinstripes. As first reported by Pardon My Take. And his dog's name is Wrigley, so just connect a few dots.

The 'All-Joe Team' is just a list of mediocre white NFL players

It just means you're really shitty and white. For the most part, I believe. I don't know.

Ketosis causes the body to literally excrete fat through urine

When you're in ketosis, you're just pissing out fat. Fat, pissing out fat. Just fat's coming out of your pee hole.

Attending an Ivy League school like Princeton hurts a player's NFL draft stock

I think [going to Princeton] hurts. In fact, we had another guy my year at Princeton that got drafted. Ryan Grigson... said, 'I'll never make that mistake again.' You know, I just didn't believe that Princeton could have two dudes the same year. And the other guy was like a total freak show... they didn't even look at me because of that.

Tom Brady can chug beer faster than anyone

Dude, he, you could not have poured the beer out faster if you just poured it out. And he crushed it and slammed the cup down like Gronk scoring a touchdown. His intensity, it was unbelievable. And I remember thinking, like, this dude has every positive male quality known to man.

The Patriots' winning culture is actually miserable and based on negative reinforcement

Terrible culture. So terrible. When I was there, 05 and 06, most of the guys were pretty miserable. You always feel like you're kind of being watched... It's 100% negative reinforcement. They start every meeting with the five worst plays from the day before. So your whole motivation is to not be on the low light tape and have Belichick cussing you out.

NASA is creating neon clouds to distract Donald Trump and maintain their funding

The fake nerds at NASA are just doing anything that they can to stay in front of Donald Trump, like distracting him like a laser pointer on the wall that says NASA so they can keep getting funding. They're back on their bullshit. They're making fake colored clouds. Shooting rockets up and just shooting out neon colored clouds.