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Spencer Hawes 06/20/2016

Monday, June 20, 201617 takes

The guys give instant reaction to a dramatic Game 7 final. Is Lebron more likely to leave Cleveland now that his job is done? How does Ayeesha Curry repair her image? Can the world handle JR Smith the NBA Champion and Cleveland being the city of winners? Spencer Hawes joins the show to further break down the game as well as leave a congratulatory voicemail for Matthew Dellavedova. Segments include "Mike Greenberg's Dumb Rules" for the US Open. "Stay Classy" for Warriors fans. "Battle of the Sexes" for Swaggy P and Iggy and a special Father's Day edition of "Parental Advisory".

Spencer Hawes on Game 7 Reaction, Cleveland's Title, and the Under Armour Curse

The Warriors are officially dead. After a dramatic Game 7 that saw the 73-win juggernaut collapse against LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers, Big Cat, PFT, and Hank are left picking up the pieces of their pre-game predictions. While Big Cat spent the game trying to balance his respect for the performance with his lifelong duty to defend Michael Jordan's legacy, Hank was busy being a basketball savant.

Win
Jun 20, 2016
#15440
HankHank

Game 7 Prediction: The Cavaliers will beat the Warriors 93-89, Kevin Love will dominate the boards, and Stephen Curry will choke

My prediction is I feel like the Cavs are going to take this one somewhere in the neighborhood of 93 to 89. I don't expect [Kevin] Love to have a big night scoring, but I do think he's going to make a statement on the boards... [Matthew] Dellavedova is going to have zero personal fouls, zero turnovers... Curry is going to choke big time again. I'd be shocked if he got above 17 points total... I've got a final score of somewhere in the neighborhood of 93 to 89 Cleveland.

The final score was exactly 93-89. Kevin Love had 14 rebounds. Steph Curry had exactly 17 points. Dellavedova did not play, so he had 0 fouls/turnovers. Hank went 4-for-4 on specific, bold claims.

Despite LeBron winning the title for his hometown, Big Cat couldn't help but notice that Kyrie Irving was the one hitting the daggers. He even floated the idea that the wrong guy walked away with the hardware.

Void
Jun 20, 2016
#15443
Big CatBig Cat

Kyrie Irving should have won Finals MVP over LeBron James

Kyrie Irving should have won MVP. He was the best player on the court. He basically won it for LeBron, not to get nitpicky here.

LeBron James was officially named Finals MVP. Whether Kyrie 'should' have won is an opinion, though statistically LeBron was the historically dominant player.

The Under Armour Curse and Ayesha's Rebrand

There has to be a reason the best regular-season team in history fell apart, and Hank is convinced it has everything to do with what the players are wearing on their feet. From Jordan Spieth's collapse at the U.S. Open to Steph Curry's cold streak, the evidence is mounting.

Void
Jun 20, 2016
#15442
HankHank

The Under Armour curse is real and we are currently living in its golden age

Anytime a good team loses, you got to ask what the curse is. I think it's definitely the Under Armour curse. It lives on. [Jordan] Spieth struck out big time at the U.S. Open... Cam Newton, Steph Curry... I think we're living in the golden age of the Under Armour curse. So I don't like to brag, but between that and me leaving my wallet at the queue, I feel like this whole postseason has really vindicated my whole worldview.

This is a subjective superstition based on branding.

While the guys dissected the fallout on the court, they also looked at the PR nightmare facing the Curry family. Between Steph's mouthguard-tossing meltdown and Ayesha's "rigged" tweets, the image of America's Sweethearts is in the trash. Big Cat thinks it’s time for a total 180-degree turn in Ayesha's branding strategy.

Void
Jun 20, 2016
#27316
Big CatBig Cat

Ayesha Curry needs to rebrand her image by becoming a 'thot' following the Warriors' loss

You can be like America's chef and be baking the brownies and the scones and stuff when you're winning championships. Now you got knocked off the top of the mountain... You got to climb back up top. That means booty's out for the boys... [Ayesha Curry] needs to become a thot. She needs to switch it up.

This is a satirical lifestyle suggestion that cannot be verified.

Spencer Hawes Joins the Show

Charlotte Hornets center and Eastern Conference correspondent Spencer Hawes joined the show to give an insider's perspective on the Finals. He weighed in on the conspiracy theories floating around the series and whether the league actually has a thumb on the scale.

Void
Jun 20, 2016
#15452
Spencer HawesSpencer Hawes

The NBA isn't rigged, but the league got the 7-game series they wanted

Is the NBA rigged? No. But? Did I insinuate a but? That was not my intention. No, I think in this series, they got what they wanted. Absolutely. You know, they got, they got the seven games, but I don't, I'm not buying into that conspiracy theory.

The league's internal desires are private, making this an unprovable opinion.

Spencer also updated the guys on "the conglomerate," his ongoing investment strategy involving scratch-off lottery tickets with Frank the Tank and Tyler Hansbrough. Before leaving, he helped the guys leave a congratulatory, albeit slightly awkward, voicemail for Matthew Dellavedova. Looking ahead, Spencer is already calling his shot for the 2018 Finals.

Loss
Jun 20, 2016
#15453
Spencer HawesSpencer Hawes

The 2018 NBA Finals will be the Charlotte Hornets vs. the Seattle SuperSonics

2018 NBA Final predictions, give us a winner as well. Hornets in five... Hornets versus Sonics. Sonics are back. Hornets in five. Book it.

The SuperSonics did not exist in 2018 and the Hornets did not make the Finals.

Mike Greenberg’s Dumb Rules and Parental Takes

Transitioning to the golf world, the guys took aim at the USGA for the absolute mess involving Dustin Johnson at the U.S. Open. Hank actually found himself defending the absurdity of not knowing your score until the round is over, comparing it to the ultimate final judgment.

Void
HankHank

Sports like the NBA and NFL should wait until the end of the game to announce penalties and scores

The USGA said that they weren't going to announce whether or not [Dustin Johnson] was going to be penalized until after his round was over, which is just a great rule... The bottom line is anyone out there who's complaining about this rule is a bad Christian because you don't get to know if you're going to heaven until after you're dead. So why should you get to know what your score is before you're done with a round of golf?

This is a satirical philosophical argument.

To wrap things up, the guys celebrated Father’s Day with a special edition of Parental Advisory. They went through the most unhinged sports takes from their own dads and listeners, ranging from Barry Sanders’ perpetual return to the NBA's fundamental decline since the days of upright dribbling.

Void
HankHank

Allen Iverson would never have gotten off the bench in my dad's era because he carried the ball too much

My dad swore that Allen Iverson would never have gotten off the bench in his day because he carries the ball too much. My dad doesn't like watching basketball anymore because in his day, you couldn't put your hand on the side of the ball... It was just a league full of guys bouncing the ball straight up and down.

Rules and enforcement regarding 'carrying' did indeed loosen significantly over the decades, though Iverson would likely still have been an elite athlete.

Cleveland has finally won a title, meaning they no longer have an identity, and we all have to live in a world where J.R. Smith is a world champion.

nba-finalslebron-jamescleveland-cavalierssteph-curryunder-armourgolf

More Takes

Push
Jun 20, 2016
#27314
Big CatBig Cat

Pre-game Prediction: The Cavaliers will win Game 7 and LeBron James will have a 40-15-10 stat line

Cavs are going to win. LeBron is going to have 40, 15, and 10. Steph Curry, injury talk. Draymond [Green] is going to have a meltdown, probably kick someone in the balls. Cleveland is going to burn to the ground in happiness, and I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life defending Michael Jordan's legacy against LeBron James.

The Cavs won, but LeBron had 27 points, 11 rebounds, and 11 assists, not 40/15/10. Draymond did not have a meltdown; he played arguably his best game ever (32/15/9).
Loss
Jun 20, 2016
#27315
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Pre-game Prediction: The Warriors will win Game 7 by 20 points and LeBron James will get injured

The Cavs are going to lose [by 20]. LeBron's going to get injured in the first half, and people are just going to always talk about how if he had played healthy, they would have won.

The Cavs won, LeBron did not get injured, and the game was a 4-point margin.
Loss
Jun 20, 2016
#15445
HankHank

LeBron James should leave Cleveland now because his mission in town is accomplished

My question is, is this the worst thing that could ever happen in Cleveland? Like, is LeBron James gone now? Like, is his mission in town over? Why would you want to stay in Cleveland if you're LeBron? Like, what if he goes back to Miami?

LeBron stayed in Cleveland for two more seasons before leaving for the Lakers in 2018.
Push
Jun 20, 2016
#15446
HankHank

Whoever signs Harrison Barnes to a max deal this offseason—like the Suns—is making a huge mistake

I want to give an advanced thoughts and prayers to whoever signs Harrison Barnes to a max deal this offseason... if we're power ranking, like, which team would be the team to load up on a whole shitload of Harrison Barnes, I'm going to guess the Suns. So thoughts and prayers to the Suns for making a terrible decision.

Harrison Barnes was signed to a 4-year, $94 million max-level contract by the Dallas Mavericks. Whether it was a 'terrible decision' is subjective, but he never became an All-Star.
Void
Jun 20, 2016
#15448
Big CatBig Cat

I officially hate Steph Curry for being a sore loser

By the end of this finals, I truly do hate him. I can't stand him anymore. He complains about every call. He got a little too cute out there sometimes with the behind-the-back pass. The whole meltdown when he threw the mouth guard... You can't be America's sweetheart when it's all going well and then have these public meltdowns when things turn on you. It's a sore loser thing. So I think I officially hate Steph Curry.

This is a subjective statement about personal dislike.
Void
Jun 20, 2016
#27317
Spencer HawesSpencer Hawes

The NBA is becoming 'racist' against tall players as the league trends smaller

Do you think that the NBA is becoming more racist against tall people like yourself? Yeah, I actually tweeted something about that the other night. Free the bigs. It's time that we need to band together as big guys for the sake of our species going forward.

The 'racist' claim is satirical hyperbole, but the trend toward small-ball and away from traditional bigs was a real shift in NBA strategy.
Loss
Jun 20, 2016
#27318
HankHank

LeBron James isn't actually clutch; he's just a 'carrier' of a mutated clutch gene that he passes to teammates

LeBron James still doesn't really have it [the clutch gene], but he is a carrier of it. He's mutated it, and Kyrie [Irving] caught it from him... much to LeBron's chagrin, Kyrie became more clutch than he was after catching the disease from him. He's the carrier of the mutated genes. He's the Zika fly.

The concept of a 'mutated clutch gene' that is contagious is biologically impossible and sports-critically absurd.
Void
HankHank

Mountain Time is the best time zone for sports fans, followed by Central, Pacific, and Eastern

If we're doing power rankings of time zones, I've got to say Mountain Time is number one. Everybody shows no love to Mountain Time, but it's a nice little mix of not having to start watching sports too early and not having to stay up too late. Mountain Time, Central Time, Pacific Time, then Eastern Time.

This is a subjective preference for sports viewing windows.
Loss
Big CatBig Cat

My dad was convinced Barry Sanders was coming out of retirement every year until 2008

My dad was convinced I would say up until about 2007 or 8 that Barry Sanders was coming back. He had himself convinced every summer right around camp season... He'd be like, someone's going to take Barry Sanders. Someone's going to pick him up. You just watch.

Barry Sanders never came out of retirement after his 1999 departure.

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