The 2024 Washington Commanders are frauds

Bernie Madoff. Sam Bankman-Fried. The 2020 election. The 2024 Washington Commanders. [Frauds]. Sometimes the haters are right. When the haters are right, you gotta say, great job haters.

Kliff Kingsbury's offenses inevitably decline in the second half of every season

This gets at going back to Kliff [Kingsbury]'s entire existence in the second half of seasons. So back at Texas Tech, here's his record as a head coach... His offense looks completely different right now. We had Austin Ekeler. That's pretty much it.

Drake Maye is going to be a superstar

Coach Gruden on the stream also was asked him about Caleb Williams or Drake Maye. And he said Drake Maye. Drake Maye is gonna be a superstar. Patriots have looked good... I think Drake Maye is very good. We're gonna talk about it actually more and I said something about Drake Maye that is a very high compliment.

Fettuccine Alfredo is fake Italian food.

Alfredo's not real Italian. There's no heavy cream in Italian cuisine. Alfredo's fake Italian. He [Rick Pitino] would maybe do a lemon chicken, maybe do a lemon chicken Piccata. But Alfredo... Cacho e pepe, that's Italian. But there's no heavy cream in Italian cuisine.

The Sixers are a bad team that loses every game Joel Embiid doesn't play

The Sixers suck. The Sixers are a bad team. Embiid's not playing. They lose—the Sixers are back to losing every game that Embiid doesn't play.

My 'dinner simulator' habit of building food orders and not buying them is a sign of good self-control

Instead of going and making myself a snack or making myself food or ordering food, I'll just pull up the apps, Uber Eats... and I'll just like put together an order of what I would order if I were to get something. And then I clear my cart and I go to bed... It's really good self-control.