I am the best person in the Barstool office at table tennis

The moment Hank had an opportunity to say I was no longer the best, he would have ran away with it. So I knew if I lost back-to-back... But I knew I'm [the best freaking one here].

Medina Spirit is a junkie horse

I put the blame on the horse. You can't just make excuses. The horse likes doing drugs, obviously. As our 45th president called it, it's a junkie horse.

My Kentucky Derby win has a huge asterisk because of Bob Baffert

I finally did win the Kentucky Derby, and I talked about it ad nauseum for the days afterwards, and then that one win has a huge asterisk because Bob Baffert is addicted to shooting his horses up with steroids.

High Point is a very, very good basketball team

I actually think that High Point is a very, very good team. It was no fluke. They're a very good team.

Never bet an under in a Hawaii game

If Jake's listening, do not bet on any under in a Hawaii game.

The St. John's vs. Northern Iowa first-round matchup will be ugly as shit

You and I, they will suck the life of out of you. They've got the second best defense in the entire tournament. They, they are just kind of a pain in the ass to watch snails pace. This game feels like it's gonna be ugly as shit.