Dan Haren, Medina Spirit Is A Junky, And Hank vs Jake

I am the best person in the Barstool office at table tennis

The moment Hank had an opportunity to say I was no longer the best, he would have ran away with it. So I knew if I lost back-to-back... But I knew I'm 12-2 now. I'm the best freaking one here.

Medina Spirit is a junkie horse

I put the blame on the horse. You can't just make excuses. The horse likes doing drugs, obviously. As our 45th president called it, it's a junkie horse.

You never trust a man who wears transition lenses

I think this goes back to my old theory of you never trust a man with transition lenses. The person is up to something shady. Once you reach the stage in life where you commit to becoming a transition lens guy... I'd be shocked if you weren't spending your days and nights drugging racehorses.

Horse racing is in a precarious spot in America and the Medina Spirit scandal is not good for the sport

We're in a precarious spot in horse racing in America. I think it's one of those sports that people are starting to be like, yeah, maybe we don't need to. I love horse racing, so I think that this is not the scandal we need... The haters are going to be like, see, this is a fucked up sport.

Luka Doncic is getting very close to being a dirty player

Luka Doncic is getting very close to being, like, a dirty player... And he already gets people mad at him because he complains about every call. So, like, you can't—then you just become Chris Paul.

UNC Women's Field Hockey is bad for the sport because they are too dominant

UNC Women's Field Hockey... just won their third national title in a row. Do you think that UNC women's field hockey is bad for women's field hockey? Because they're too dominant... If they go five in a row, that's bad for the sport.

Jake Paul would get his ass kicked and wouldn't even be able to land a punch on Canelo Alvarez

It's so funny watching [Canelo] move and the fact that there are real people out there who are like, Jake Paul's a legit boxer. Like, no, no, no. They're completely different athletes... He would never touch him. That's the part. It's not even that Canelo would hurt Jake Paul. Jake Paul wouldn't be able to punch Canelo Alvarez.

Wraps are just shittier, guiltier versions of sandwiches

The wrap is just a shittier sandwich. It's not like you didn't do anything great. It's more portable and it's like slightly healthier, but it's not as healthy as people want you to believe it is... you can't tell me that a wrap is better than a sandwich with like good bread.

Mike Trout is the greatest baseball hitter in the history of the sport

He is the greatest player I've ever seen. I was kind of arguing with my dad. I was telling him he might be the best hitter in the history of baseball and he didn't agree with me... Yes, he is the greatest of at least our era.

Baseball celebrations have gone too far in regular season games

For me, since I have played before, I will say I do think the celebrations have gone too far... I want to talk about on Twitter, but I don't really tweet anymore. It's just too much. Like the Tatis stuff... I like the 'let the kids play' type stuff, but it's also, I'm going to be in the minority in this... doing it in like a day game in Cincinnati in April, it seems like Game 7 of the World Series, it's a little much.

The best way to handle a veteran player who needs to retire is to fake an injury and put them on the IL

That's a very easy answer, and it happened to me once in my career. You just put him on the DL. That's all you do, or the IL, whatever. You throw him on there... You know, you got foot soreness and IL and then transfer them to the 60-day and you kind of forget about them and then, you know, maybe bring them back in September.

DK Metcalf's last-place track finish was both impressive and embarrassing

DK Metcalf was impressive, and then at the same time he got embarrassed. It's weird because he was way better than I thought he would be, but he also was not even close to as fast as the fastest guys.

Dogecoin's value is purely driven by publicity and famous people mentioning it

With Doge, it's like that, but since it's based on a joke meme, publicity is 10 times more important than any real value. As far as I can tell, the best thing that can happen to Doge is just a famous person says the word Doge on a massive platform.