I am the best person in the Barstool office at table tennis

The moment Hank had an opportunity to say I was no longer the best, he would have ran away with it. So I knew if I lost back-to-back... But I knew I'm [the best freaking one here].

Medina Spirit is a junkie horse

I put the blame on the horse. You can't just make excuses. The horse likes doing drugs, obviously. As our 45th president called it, it's a junkie horse.

My Kentucky Derby win has a huge asterisk because of Bob Baffert

I finally did win the Kentucky Derby, and I talked about it ad nauseum for the days afterwards, and then that one win has a huge asterisk because Bob Baffert is addicted to shooting his horses up with steroids.

The overturning of Folarin Balogun's suspension is the smallest piece of justice the United States has ever received from FIFA

The United States has never benefited from FIFA's corruption before, and it feels like we've been left out of that party. If this is our taste of the corruption, and all the corruption is just overturning a suspension that should never have been given in the first place... it's the smallest piece of justice that the United States could ever get from FIFA.

The sensor chips inside soccer balls are bullshit and not perfectly aligned with the cameras

I'm so deep into this chip in the ball thing, I've become convinced that it's all bullshit. The sensors, yes, they're there and yes, they pick up on stuff, but there's no chance that it is perfectly aligned with the 50 cameras that are running concurrently in the stadium on live TV at any given time.

Brandon Aiyuk is in a bad space mentally and will not be signing with the Washington Commanders.

The Washington Commanders have released Brandon [Aiyuk] today from the contract that he didn't sign with us and was never going to sign. Things got kind of weird over the weekend. So [Aiyuk] was saying like talking shit about Jayden's mom... I think that should probably put an end to the Brandon [Aiyuk] to the Commanders rumors. But I was never really on board for it, it's been weird for quite some time with Brandon. I hope he gets whatever help he needs. It doesn't seem like he's in a good space mentally. And it seems like even his best oldest friends have tried to help him and he just burns those bridges too.