I am the best person in the Barstool office at table tennis

The moment Hank had an opportunity to say I was no longer the best, he would have ran away with it. So I knew if I lost back-to-back... But I knew I'm [the best freaking one here].

My Kentucky Derby win has a huge asterisk because of Bob Baffert

I finally did win the Kentucky Derby, and I talked about it ad nauseum for the days afterwards, and then that one win has a huge asterisk because Bob Baffert is addicted to shooting his horses up with steroids.

You never trust a man who wears transition lenses

I think this goes back to my old theory of you never trust a man with transition lenses. The person is up to something shady. Once you reach the stage in life where you commit to becoming a transition lens guy, I'd be shocked if you weren't spending your days and nights drugging racehorses.

The Rams' Australia travel plan was an all-time 'fuck it' move

It was a terrible idea that Sean McVay tried to do, but I have to respect how much of an all-time fuck-it move it was to just pretend that time zones don't exist. He was just like, you know what, fuck it, we're not gonna adapt. We're gonna fly in, fly out.

KOC will get the best out of Kyler Murray

I think that what he's gonna get the absolute best outta Kyler Murray that he possibly can at this point, which I think should be good enough to be a pretty good team this year.

Jayden Daniels is going to remind everyone that the bad man is back

I think Jayden Daniels, he's as healthy as he has been since the start of last season. ... I think that he's gonna remind a lot of people who he is. Yeah. That's what I think. I think the bad man might be back.