I am the best person in the Barstool office at table tennis

The moment Hank had an opportunity to say I was no longer the best, he would have ran away with it. So I knew if I lost back-to-back... But I knew I'm [the best freaking one here].

Medina Spirit is a junkie horse

I put the blame on the horse. You can't just make excuses. The horse likes doing drugs, obviously. As our 45th president called it, it's a junkie horse.

My Kentucky Derby win has a huge asterisk because of Bob Baffert

I finally did win the Kentucky Derby, and I talked about it ad nauseum for the days afterwards, and then that one win has a huge asterisk because Bob Baffert is addicted to shooting his horses up with steroids.

The intentional-grounding penalty was the right play

I actually think he had, that's an OC problem because there was no underneath route. If he throws that deep and, like, everyone had—it just was a shit show. He couldn't throw it deep because he was basically getting chased. If he takes a sack, everyone has to come back. It probably is more than 10 seconds to get the next play. So that one, I had no problem.

The Colts needed a complete reset after Chris Ballard's firing

Chris Ballard was there for 10 years, never won an AFC South. You finally just—it's inexcusable. The Andrew Luck retirement is probably what bought Chris Ballard a lot more years. He basically could just keep on saying, 'Well, our plans were screwed up because Andrew Luck retired.'

The NBA should start on Christmas Day and play 60 games

The NBA should start on Christmas day. It should be a 60-game schedule. It'd be so much better.