The NFL gave Deshaun Watson an 11-game suspension specifically so his return would be against the Texans

So you look at the schedule that game that [Deshaun Watson] would be coming back would be against the Houston Texans. So they have to talk about it all the time throughout the entire game, whole team in Houston, homecoming... just so happens [flex scheduling] starts right on week 11. I don't know if they'd flex this... but they're not gonna take the Dallas Cowboys out.

The move for NFL preseason betting is to bet against every rookie coach that won their first game

I think the move this weekend is to reverse that and bet against money line every rookie coach that won their first preseason game because they got that win under the belt. Now they're like, you know what? I just wanna evaluate now. Now they're gonna swing back in the other direction.

Owning a snake as a pet is a definitive pre-crime sign

Our first pick, we're gonna go with owning a snake as a pet. Anyone who owns snakes, fucking pre-crime city. You're just waiting for the snake to just escape in your house and then kill you in your sleep... If you own a snake, I just assume at some point you will commit a crime. It's part of your DNA.

Betting the over on Alabama basketball is a cheat code

Alabama by the way is a cheat code if you want to get in on it. It's just betting their overs. They just never stopped missing. This has been like, oh, two weeks now they're over under for the first half was 45 and a half points last night. They scored 69 in the first half.

I am offering a $10,000 bounty to find the UNC staffer who punched a Duke staffer

I will not sleep until we find this UNC staffer who punched one of your guys... Let's put a bounty on it. I will offer $5,000. [PFT]: I'll match. [Big Cat]: $10,000 if anyone can find the UNC person who punched a Duke staffer after the game. $10,000 cash. Give us the footage leading to their arrest.

Tua Tagovailoa's market value is non-existent relative to his contract

Everything's on the table for the Dolphins. Tua could be a fullback. What would you... What do you think the Dolphins would say yes to for a trade for Tua? Like a sixth round pick for Tua? A jugs machine? I don't know what the hell would Tua's market be?