The only people to ever make Minnesota cool are Kirby Puckett, Kevin Garnett, and Prince

It's basically the list of people who have made the state of Minnesota cool are like Kirby Puckett, Kevin Garnett, and Prince. That's it.

The pinnacle of celebrity status is when nobody makes jokes about your death on Twitter

That's when you know you've made it. Like, Prince died. Everyone is really sad... Prince is no jokes. There are no jokes. David Bowie was the same way. You don't do jokes when Prince dies. So that's really, like, the pinnacle of celebrity is people don't joke about your death.

Skip Bayless and Curt Schilling are 'bad guys' that sports fans actually need in their lives

You want Skip [Bayless] in your life. Like, you're complaining about him. He's the bad guy. He's like Tony Montana walking through that restaurant, right? You have to have somebody that you point at that's got the shittiest takes that you almost... that you love to hate.

Breeding Maine Coon cats is a $4,000-per-kitten business

We got this new cat. They call it a Maine coon. ... We're looking to breed. ... [The market is] 3,500, 4 grand a piece. ... 10 years outta the league, it's time to move on and make some money.

Josh McDaniels is a terrible head coach who won't be successful

Not a fan. ... He implemented the Patriot Way though... Overnight you've got 'do your job' written on every wall... It was just kind of awkward from the start.

All NFL kickers are dorks, with the exception of Matt Prater

[Kickers are] dorks. Huge dorks. [Matt Prater] is not a dork. Matt Prater is a dude.