I would take over and coach US Soccer

I will take over US Soccer. I would be the coach of US Soccer... You automatically get to drive an Audi. That's part of the deal... I would like that.

Andy Reid doesn't understand how time works

[Andy Reid] has been one of the best coaches of all time. It's remarkable and his coaching tree all that. He does not know how time works. He doesn't know what a clock is. Like we said, he measures time in units of meat.

Dan Quinn will be fired by Monday morning

Dan Quinn... He'll be fired. If he's not fired tomorrow morning, then it's just stupid and they're going to wait till what, the second part of the bye?

Pigeons are the smartest birds because they live off human trash

Pigeons might be the smartest bird. There is one... they've essentially just over the years been like, Hey, you know where we should live? Right where the people leave their trash. We don't have to hunt for anything. We don't have to go fucking diving for worms and fish... Some guy's going to eat a calzone and not finish it and we're gonna finish it. So pigeons might be the smartest bird.

Barry Bonds could still play in the MLB and take a million walks because of fear

I think of that with Barry Bonds for sure. Barry Bonds I like He could just, he, he could show up and just be awesome and, and take like a million walks. 'cause people would fear him.

American air conditioning is the equivalent of 'Hunter Biden crack' for European visitors

I would imagine air conditioning for Europeans hits like crack. Like the best crack of all. Oh, hunter Biden crack. Yeah. That's like when we go over to, to Spain and we see a nude beach. Like that's, that, that feeling that we get over there is their feeling when they're walking into one of our buildings over here.