I am officially retired from competitive eating

I retired from competitive eating. After these past three ELLs, I just want to eat regular sized portions. Please respect my decisions.

Gonzaga will never make it back to a Final Four

Gonzaga is like, I don't think they'll be back. I'm sure they have great recruits and everything, but damn, that's a [loss]. That's never going to get to a Final Four.

Coach K will lose the game immediately after his 100th career tournament victory

Of course [Coach K] is going to get to 100. He's probably going to lose the next game so he can walk away with exactly a hundred clean wins, just straight up three figures.

Pigeons are the smartest birds because they live off human trash

Pigeons might be the smartest bird. There is one... they've essentially just over the years been like, Hey, you know where we should live? Right where the people leave their trash. We don't have to hunt for anything. We don't have to go fucking diving for worms and fish... Some guy's going to eat a calzone and not finish it and we're gonna finish it. So pigeons might be the smartest bird.

Barry Bonds could still play in the MLB and take a million walks because of fear

I think of that with Barry Bonds for sure. Barry Bonds I like He could just, he, he could show up and just be awesome and, and take like a million walks. 'cause people would fear him.

American air conditioning is the equivalent of 'Hunter Biden crack' for European visitors

I would imagine air conditioning for Europeans hits like crack. Like the best crack of all. Oh, hunter Biden crack. Yeah. That's like when we go over to, to Spain and we see a nude beach. Like that's, that, that feeling that we get over there is their feeling when they're walking into one of our buildings over here.