Sammy Sosa's weird behavior is a smart strategy to distract people from his steroid use

Sammy Sosa has been playing dress-up and doing weird things for a while now, which might be just him getting everyone off the whole steroids thing, which is a smart strategy. We've never thought of this as a PR 101, just start changing everything about you, and eventually everyone's like, who's that guy?

Caffeine is a performance-enhancing drug for baseball writers

I'd also like to see how many of those baseball writers were on Diet Pepsi and Diet Coke at the time, which is caffeine. Oh, and guess what? It's a performance-enhancing drug for a writer.

Cam Newton is a pile of trash

I watched Super Bowl 50. It was being replayed. [Cam Newton] stinks. That's my hot take.

Pigeons are the smartest birds because they live off human trash

Pigeons might be the smartest bird. There is one... they've essentially just over the years been like, Hey, you know where we should live? Right where the people leave their trash. We don't have to hunt for anything. We don't have to go fucking diving for worms and fish... Some guy's going to eat a calzone and not finish it and we're gonna finish it. So pigeons might be the smartest bird.

Barry Bonds could still play in the MLB and take a million walks because of fear

I think of that with Barry Bonds for sure. Barry Bonds I like He could just, he, he could show up and just be awesome and, and take like a million walks. 'cause people would fear him.

American air conditioning is the equivalent of 'Hunter Biden crack' for European visitors

I would imagine air conditioning for Europeans hits like crack. Like the best crack of all. Oh, hunter Biden crack. Yeah. That's like when we go over to, to Spain and we see a nude beach. Like that's, that, that feeling that we get over there is their feeling when they're walking into one of our buildings over here.