Johnny Manziel

Sammy Sosa's weird behavior is a smart strategy to distract people from his steroid use

Sammy Sosa has been playing dress-up and doing weird things for a while now, which might be just him getting everyone off the whole steroids thing, which is a smart strategy. We've never thought of this as a PR 101, just start changing everything about you, and eventually everyone's like, who's that guy?

Cam Newton is a pile of trash

I watched Super Bowl 50. It was being replayed. [Cam Newton] stinks. That's my hot take.

February is the trashiest month of the year

February really is just the trashiest month, because there's just nothing. There's nothing like March Madness at least you get your pep back but like February... you just kind of walk around aimlessly.

I'm worried Yu Darvish will 'nibble' too much and pitch slow games for the Cubs

The meatball fan in me was like, I'd like Jake Arrieta because he's been there and done that... [Yu Darvish] nibbles. Dude, when he gets in trouble, he nibbles. Nothing worse than watching a pitcher pitch like five innings for four hours.

I'm going to pretend it's summer for my mental health and start tanning on Tuesdays

I'm so fucking sick of winter... I've just decided I'm going to pretend that it's summertime. I'm going to get back into wearing Hawaiian shirts. I'm going to go tanning. Shorts are back... I'm going to go tanning on Tuesdays. I'm going to just be so far in denial of winter.

Winter Olympics athletes aren't that impressive; you just have to be born in the right place

The Winter Olympics are definitely the Olympics where you can sit there and if you watch it long enough, you can convince yourself you could have been an athlete in every single sport. It's not hard. It's just essentially like if you were born in a weird European country and they didn't have basketball yet, you would be a speed skater.

I will start at least one more game in the NFL

In my personal opinion, of course, I'm a little biased, but I would say [I'll have over one more NFL game start]. I know it's not the easiest way back for me... but just where I'm at and where I feel my mindset is, that's my goal at the end of the day is to get back there and be able to run out on the field as a starter again.

I won't ever return to the Cleveland Browns

I would think not [to giving Cleveland another shot]. We've been down that path. We've seen it... I just don't see what the benefit would be to go back and try and do it all over again... if anything, that bridge is probably still flaming a little bit.

The NCAA is the biggest racket in the world

I think the NCAA is the biggest racket, like, in the entire world, right? There's nothing as, like, as viewed, as watched as, like, college sports are... for me to be a nice guy and go out and sign a lot of autographs and they get turned around and sold, what did I really do wrong?

Vince McMahon will have to walk back the XFL's 'no criminal record' rule

I think he's going to have a very, very hard time finding eight teams or nine teams... with football players that don't have at least something on their record. I would be hard-pressed to find what the percentage of people in the NFL are that have... any criminal past... I feel like you might have to walk that stance back.

I am officially smashing the panic button on the Celtics

I'm smashing the panic button. Smash. Panic button might be broken. I hit it so hard. I really thought... [the Celtics] could beat the Cavs. Maybe if they got lucky, beat the Warriors. [But after today] there's really no hope for, like, another two years.