Bill Belichick is the best head coach in the NFL to lead a team right now

Bill Belichick [is the first pick]. I was taking it no matter what Hank said. I'm a neutral journalist, [picking] the best of the 32.

John Harbaugh is a top-tier coach who would improve almost every team in the NFL immediately

John Harbaugh could step into any situation in the league except for maybe three and improve it. He's got a track record now... he's reinvented himself a couple times. And now he's really good at going with what his best players do best.

Sean Payton will turn the Broncos into contenders in the AFC this season

I'm taking Sean Payton. I think [the Broncos] were the laughing stock at the league last year. And now I think bringing him in, no one's really gonna talk about how bad they are. Instead they're gonna talk about, Ooh, him with Russell Wilson. They can be a contender in the AFC again.

Pigeons are the smartest birds because they live off human trash

Pigeons might be the smartest bird. There is one... they've essentially just over the years been like, Hey, you know where we should live? Right where the people leave their trash. We don't have to hunt for anything. We don't have to go fucking diving for worms and fish... Some guy's going to eat a calzone and not finish it and we're gonna finish it. So pigeons might be the smartest bird.

Barry Bonds could still play in the MLB and take a million walks because of fear

I think of that with Barry Bonds for sure. Barry Bonds I like He could just, he, he could show up and just be awesome and, and take like a million walks. 'cause people would fear him.

American air conditioning is the equivalent of 'Hunter Biden crack' for European visitors

I would imagine air conditioning for Europeans hits like crack. Like the best crack of all. Oh, hunter Biden crack. Yeah. That's like when we go over to, to Spain and we see a nude beach. Like that's, that, that feeling that we get over there is their feeling when they're walking into one of our buildings over here.