The entire city of Houston is a front for a drug operation

I think the entire city of Houston is just a front for some sort of drug operation. That's failing because I don't know what... None of these stores are... I don't know... And the drug operation itself is failing, too.

Tiger Woods missing the cut is actually good because he can't get injured during the final two rounds

Other spin zone, he only played two rounds because he missed the cut. So that's two less rounds you could injure himself in. Less wear and tear. Smart move getting ready for the Masters. Way to save yourself.

Alex Smith should start a business holding penises in photos so his small hands make them look larger

Alex Smith should start a business where he is like a contractor for guys taking dick pics. He's like, 'I'll hold your dick in the picture' [so it looks bigger because of his small hands].

Michigan was definitively the better team in the National Championship and it never felt like UConn was in danger of winning.

Michigan was the better team. We all saw it. It never felt like [the game] was in danger. Like the only moment that I was like, oh, UConn might have a chance, was when there was like maybe five and a half minutes left and Mullens missed that three to cut it to four.

Michigan was the best team all year — outside of Duke, who would have won the championship by a lot

They were the best team. They were the best team all year outside of Duke. 'Cause that actually was my other big takeaway — Duke just completely, Duke beat this Michigan team a month and a half ago.

Danny Hurley is 18-1 against the spread in his last four NCAA tournaments, which is insane

Danny Hurley remains 18 and one in the last four tournaments against the spread. How insane is that? Furman is the only one that they didn't cover. That was the first round this year.