A scorned Nick Saban is the scariest thing in sports

You basically watch Alabama do the old cement mixer on Clemson and just kick the shit out of them for 60 minutes. And [it] proved our theory that a scorned Nick Saban and upset Nick Saban is the scariest thing in sports.

UCF is the number one team and national champions

I've got UCF number one. Number one, national champions. The program that Blake Bortles built. Undefeated.

Joe Flacco sucks — he's not elite, he's not good, he honestly just sucks

Joe Flacco sucks. He's not good. He's elite, maybe. No, no — honestly, he sucks.

Pigeons are the smartest birds because they live off human trash

Pigeons might be the smartest bird. There is one... they've essentially just over the years been like, Hey, you know where we should live? Right where the people leave their trash. We don't have to hunt for anything. We don't have to go fucking diving for worms and fish... Some guy's going to eat a calzone and not finish it and we're gonna finish it. So pigeons might be the smartest bird.

Barry Bonds could still play in the MLB and take a million walks because of fear

I think of that with Barry Bonds for sure. Barry Bonds I like He could just, he, he could show up and just be awesome and, and take like a million walks. 'cause people would fear him.

American air conditioning is the equivalent of 'Hunter Biden crack' for European visitors

I would imagine air conditioning for Europeans hits like crack. Like the best crack of all. Oh, hunter Biden crack. Yeah. That's like when we go over to, to Spain and we see a nude beach. Like that's, that, that feeling that we get over there is their feeling when they're walking into one of our buildings over here.