Stetson Bennett is a future Hall of Famer

First, right off the top. Stetson Bennett, future Hall of Famer. Yeah. He looks good.

Justin Fields is officially 'the guy' and I am hate-bookmarking all slander against him

I am at the point now where there's a line in the sand. Is he the guy? Justin Fields is the guy. I've started hate bookmarking Justin Fields slander to come back to it later. He could play a perfect game and people would still nitpick him. Three for three, 129 yards, two touchdowns. The Bears look fucking awesome.

The female orgasm is a myth created by 'Big Orgasm'

The female orgasm. Not real. Big orgasm has been lying to you guys. Girls don't come. They just do it because they like to make us feel bad for coming too quick. Exactly... let's be honest, let's get real honest here. That shit's not real.

The goal allowed by the US goalie was the most embarrassing possible

What about the goalie? Yeah, I mean he... that was the most embarrassing goal that I've ever seen. Possible.

The USMNT is the 'James Franklin Penn State' of soccer

People were making very mean jokes online that we were James Franklin, Penn State. And it is actually perfectly appropriate because if you look at who we played, we beat the teams we're supposed to beat... and then we absolutely got ass fucked by the team that was better than us in Belgium. We are not who we thought we were.

We just suck at soccer as a country and that's okay

My take is we suck at soccer and that's okay. Like, I don't care that we suck at soccer anymore. I'm going to root for the US team. I'm gonna get excited when we're in a World Cup. I'm gonna get hyped up and it's gonna be fun to watch. And then I'm gonna be reminded that we suck at soccer and that it's just gonna be like, okay, yeah, that's okay.