I'm officially retiring from writing books for at least the next 25 years

We promise we won't write another book till at least 20 years. And probably, I'm actually gonna say 25 years. I think I'm gonna retire from writing books.

Shohei Ohtani's home runs in Colorado don't count because they are just pop flies anywhere else

I know Shohei [Ohtani] hit two home runs, but he was doing it in Colorado and we could fucking do that. That's a pop fly. That's a fucking pop fly. I could hit a home run in Colorado.

The Nationals' offense is having a great year because facing their own Little League pitching staff in spring training gave them confidence.

That's why the Nats offense is so good this year because their pitching staff is pretty much like a little league team. So like in spring training, they just all got really confident. They're like, yeah, we can all hit.

The Browns are a good football team

The Browns are good. They might be a good football team. If they can get consistent play from Deshaun, they will be in the race for the division at the end of the year.

Mike Tomlin's Minecraft video is the video of the year

Mike Tomlin's Minecraft was the video of the year. I'll say that right now. His attention to detail was just remarkable, and his love for exterior design and interior design—he loved building out furniture on all the patios.

The Phillies being in the playoffs is making the Eagles bad

So the Phillies being in the playoffs is making the Eagles bad.