PMT DB
PMT DB
The day has finally arrived. Pardon My Book is officially out in the universe, a labor of love that Big Cat and PFT Commenter promise is perfect for people who hate reading. To celebrate the release, the guys gathered round to reminisce about the ten-year journey of the show and the absolute gauntlet of contributors who wrote chapters, ranging from JJ Watt to Mr. Portnoy. Big Cat is so exhausted from the process that he’s already looking toward a very long vacation from the literary world.
Big CatI'm officially retiring from writing books for at least the next 25 years
We promise we won't write another book till at least 20 years. And probably, I'm actually gonna say 25 years. I think I'm gonna retire from writing books.
Before getting into the interviews, the crew hit on the latest training camp injury bug and some MLB drama. Big Cat was fresh off a trip to Wrigley Field where he watched Pete Crow-Armstrong go absolutely nuclear, but he wasn't as impressed with other national headlines. Specifically, he had some thoughts on Shohei Ohtani's recent power surge in the thin air of the Rockies.
Big CatShohei Ohtani's home runs in Colorado don't count because they are just pop flies anywhere else
I know Shohei [Ohtani] hit two home runs, but he was doing it in Colorado and we could fucking do that. That's a pop fly. That's a fucking pop fly. I could hit a home run in Colorado.
Mount Rushmore of Things Guys Keep Too Long
Mount Rushmore season is winding down, and the stakes have shifted to a 1v1v1 format between PFT, Hank, and Zach. The category was things guys hold onto for too long, and the list was a direct attack on every man listening. Selections included ratty boxers, single socks that lost their partner years ago, and ancient wallets held together by prayer and electrical tape. PFT took things in a psychological direction by suggesting that guys hold onto certain roles in their lives—like quarterbacks who can't stop transferring—a bit too long.
PFT CommenterIf a quarterback transfers to three different schools, it's a sign that he doesn't have any friends
At some point, if you're a quarterback, you should not want to transfer schools again, just based on the fact that you've got boys. Like that you have friends that you don't want to leave again... The fact that he's moved school so many times, there is something that's like, why doesn't he have friends?
Pete Crow-Armstrong on Defense and Dinosaurs
Fresh off a walk-off home run against the White Sox, Cubs center fielder Pete Crow-Armstrong (PCA) joined the show in studio. Big Cat, acting as the president of the PCA propaganda machine, didn't hold back on his expectations for the young star's future.
Big CatPete Crow-Armstrong will win the National League MVP
I'm gonna say you're gonna be MVP. I don't wanna put that on you, but I think you're gonna be MVP if you're not. We right? Yeah, we right.
PCA broke down his defensive philosophy, explaining how a 'prep step' helps him cover more ground than anyone else in the league. He also weighed in on the most important debate of our time: which dinosaurs would actually be good at baseball. While PFT campaigned for a specific armored beast to take over the DH spot, PCA was more skeptical about the king of the lizards.
PFT CommenterAn Ankylosaurus would be the best dinosaur at baseball because it could use its club tail as a bat.
I think the one, the Ankylosaurus. The one that's got the tail. That's the club. Just use that as a bat... Tiny strike zone. Damn, weapon.
A T-Rex would hit zero home runs in a Major League season
Zero. Zero. You don't find a bat that works for that. The strike zone on that guy would be unreal. The strike. Yeah. The strike zone would be massive. Yeah. The arms would not be conducive to a good baseball swing.
Beyond the diamond, PCA showed he’s a true friend of the program by entertaining some of the show's favorite conspiracy theories. When the topic turned to the Great Bambino, Big Cat found a kindred spirit in the Cubs' outfielder regarding the absurdity of baseball legends.
Big CatThe conspiracy theory that Babe Ruth didn't exist is hilarious.
Agree with you on that. You know, if [Babe Ruth] didn't exist, that would be hilarious.
Joe Buck on the Art of the Forward
Legendary broadcaster Joe Buck joined the show to discuss writing the forward for Pardon My Book. Joe was characteristically self-deprecating, admitting that he basically dictated his thoughts to a ghostwriter to save time, but he also revealed the real reason why so many heavy hitters agreed to participate in the project.
Joe BuckThe only reason celebrities agreed to write chapters for the PMT book is out of fear they would be turned on by the hosts
The answer to your question is why would any of these people agree to do any of this? 'Cause we don't want you two pricks to turn on us... We're trying to... I'm keeping you close so I can do a little bit of work to keep you guys on my side.
As the guys looked ahead to the upcoming NFL season and the Super Bowl on ESPN, Joe reflected on his 33-year career and his peers in the industry. He gave a special shout-out to Al Michaels for a very specific, nerdy skill set that sets him apart from every other human besides a certain 15th-century explorer.
Joe BuckFerdinand Magellan and Al Michaels are the only two 'map guys' in human history.
Al Michaels. That's that... he's brilliant at knowing he's a map guy. And, maybe that's good for the brain. I hope that I'm half as good as Al Michaels when I'm at that stage of my career... but I've never heard of a map guy other than maybe Magellan and Al Michaels. I was like, sit around studying maps? I just, no, that's why Netflix was created.
PFT also tried to pin Joe down on a conspiracy regarding the NFL's archival footage, suggesting that the league is gaslighting us into thinking the 90s were more ancient than they actually were. Joe stood his ground, blaming high-definition TV for ruining our memories of what was actually a very grainy reality.
PFT CommenterThe NFL intentionally downgrades the video quality of its late 90s game uploads on YouTube to make fans feel older.
I don't know if you've seen any of the like uploaded footage from the 1999, 2000 NFL seasons online, but I, there's a conspiracy out there. They make the broadcast look way worse than it was at the time... I watched those games. They looked good at the time. It did not look like that. They're trying to make us feel old.
The show wrapped up with some book FAQs and the realization that after ten years, the guys still haven't run out of things to talk about—they've just gotten better at getting other people to write it down for them.
Go buy the book so Big Cat can finally stop talking about it and start gambling on preseason totals in peace.
