I'm officially retiring from writing books for at least the next 25 years

We promise we won't write another book till at least 20 years. And probably, I'm actually gonna say 25 years. I think I'm gonna retire from writing books.

Shohei Ohtani's home runs in Colorado don't count because they are just pop flies anywhere else

I know Shohei [Ohtani] hit two home runs, but he was doing it in Colorado and we could fucking do that. That's a pop fly. That's a fucking pop fly. I could hit a home run in Colorado.

The Nationals' offense is having a great year because facing their own Little League pitching staff in spring training gave them confidence.

That's why the Nats offense is so good this year because their pitching staff is pretty much like a little league team. So like in spring training, they just all got really confident. They're like, yeah, we can all hit.

The Phillies being in the playoffs is making the Eagles bad

So the Phillies being in the playoffs is making the Eagles bad.

Baseball broadcasts only need one announcer

You just need one announcer in baseball. NBC's doing too much. I'm sorry.

The White Sox are going to the ALCS

I do think they're just better than the Astros and I think they're better than the Guardians too, so I know that doesn't make sense 'cause the loss is central to 'em. But I think the White Sox are gonna go to the ALCS.