I'm officially retiring from writing books for at least the next 25 years

We promise we won't write another book till at least 20 years. And probably, I'm actually gonna say 25 years. I think I'm gonna retire from writing books.

Shohei Ohtani's home runs in Colorado don't count because they are just pop flies anywhere else

I know Shohei [Ohtani] hit two home runs, but he was doing it in Colorado and we could fucking do that. That's a pop fly. That's a fucking pop fly. I could hit a home run in Colorado.

The Nationals' offense is having a great year because facing their own Little League pitching staff in spring training gave them confidence.

That's why the Nats offense is so good this year because their pitching staff is pretty much like a little league team. So like in spring training, they just all got really confident. They're like, yeah, we can all hit.

The Nationals' offense is having a great year because facing their own Little League pitching staff in spring training gave them confidence.

That's why the Nats offense is so good this year because their pitching staff is pretty much like a little league team. So like in spring training, they just all got really confident. They're like, yeah, we can all hit.

If a quarterback transfers to three different schools, it's a sign that he doesn't have any friends

At some point, if you're a quarterback, you should not want to transfer schools again, just based on the fact that you've got boys. Like that you have friends that you don't want to leave again... The fact that he's moved school so many times, there is something that's like, why doesn't he have friends?

Jerry O'Connell leaving the fantasy group chat is an official 'I quit' move

Jerry left this chat a couple weeks ago, I believe... Who leaves the fantasy football group chat unless they have no desire or intention of returning? Yeah, that is I quit. Is that not an I quit move?