I'm officially retiring from writing books for at least the next 25 years

We promise we won't write another book till at least 20 years. And probably, I'm actually gonna say 25 years. I think I'm gonna retire from writing books.

Shohei Ohtani's home runs in Colorado don't count because they are just pop flies anywhere else

I know Shohei [Ohtani] hit two home runs, but he was doing it in Colorado and we could fucking do that. That's a pop fly. That's a fucking pop fly. I could hit a home run in Colorado.

The Nationals' offense is having a great year because facing their own Little League pitching staff in spring training gave them confidence.

That's why the Nats offense is so good this year because their pitching staff is pretty much like a little league team. So like in spring training, they just all got really confident. They're like, yeah, we can all hit.

Man City should face the death penalty

It sounds like this is probably should be death penalty stuff because it's pretty much the worst thing that's ever happened in English soccer in terms of rule violations.

Kevin O'Connell is a foster home for quarterbacks

My take on KOC remains the same, which is he's a foster home for quarterbacks. But he's the best foster dad thus far.

Quarterback slides may be more dangerous than banning them

It feels like it might seem counterintuitive, but banning quarterback sliding might ultimately be better for them.