Hard Knocks stinks

Hard Knocks stinks. There's nothing that can turn around a bad episode of Hard Knocks like watching it with a cool dog... The ending was, I had to like check myself because they had the dramatic rainstorm and Liev Schreiber was doing some unbelievable speech, and then I was like, wait, they lost in a preseason game to the Cardinals by three points. What are we doing here?

Dak Prescott is probably going to miss the whole year with his shoulder injury

They can't show it [on Hard Knocks] because they don't want to tell us that [Dak Prescott's] shoulder's fucked up and he's probably going to miss the whole year.

Jerry Jones is the only person I've seen put on weight after the age of 75

Jerry is the only guy I think I've ever seen that's put on weight after the age of 75. Most people just start to wither away. He's just ballooning up.

An adult man cannot wear a sun shirt at a pool unless they are a ginger or a toddler

You can't as an adult man, you can't wear a sun [shirt] unless you're a ginger. Understand that unless you're a ginger and you, if you wear a sun shirt, you just look like a toddler. You look like a toddler at the pool. You can't be doing that. Sun shirts, toddlers, gingers, 50 plus.

Michigan was definitively the better team in the National Championship and it never felt like UConn was in danger of winning.

Michigan was the better team. We all saw it. It never felt like [the game] was in danger. Like the only moment that I was like, oh, UConn might have a chance, was when there was like maybe five and a half minutes left and Mullens missed that three to cut it to four.

Michigan was the best team all year — outside of Duke, who would have won the championship by a lot

They were the best team. They were the best team all year outside of Duke. 'Cause that actually was my other big takeaway — Duke just completely, Duke beat this Michigan team a month and a half ago.